Vent/Release...my momma

Ok, my mom is the most warm, giving, loving person that I have ever met. She does more for my brother,husband, nephews and I than anyone I know would.  She worked 3 jobs and put herself through school as a single parent she is definitley my hero. However, since I was a child she had this issue of other people loving her. So it was alost like the things she did for us was to "buy" our love over my dad for example. She talked SO much crap about my dad to my brother and I and would always tell us that if we didn't do xyz that we coul go live iwith our no good daddy. A couple of times my brother took her up on her offer and she would get furious.  After a while my stepdad came into the picutre and was able to calm her down.\ when she went into her rages.

Fast forward to 2 years ago she took custody of my brothers 4 boys to allow him 2 years to get himself together. But, she started doing the same crap to the boys my stepdad has passed and there is no buffer. She does a lot for the but she never lets the forget that a)my brother can't do like she can b)their mothers ain't crap and can't do what she can and c)how much she does for them anytime they do something wrong which is quite a bit for 6,9,12, and 13 year old boys.

Well today she called because  the oldest got an f and she was telling me she told him that he can go find his mom (mom is mentally ill and on drugs living on the streets).  She also said that he wasn't going to come back to Atlanta to live with my brother if he didn't graduate and needed to go find his mom. When she said that I told her that she's messing them up mentally with that constant reminder about where their mom is and threatening to send them to her if they don't do what she says or wants them to do.

Now, she's mad at me and told my brother that if I think she's doing wrong maybe I should raise them for 2 years with no break and hung up.  I know she's mad but I really believe that she is not helping them cope with this situation and is actually making it worse and they are going to be screwed up not only about their mom but why she continues to throw it up in their face.

What the hell should I do.

Would she consider Counseling for all you guys.  I am a Mother of 2 Beautiful Daughters, and I would never tell them anything like this.

Honey you are in my Prayers.

Your OH Friend,
Deborah
Support Group Coach

We thought about that.

Mad props to your moms for stepping up and tryin to help out - but it seems like things are getting to her and she's passing that off.  I have been in that 'moment' myself with my own daughter - so that single parent thing ain't NO joke and I only got one! 

I hope she can get some help or find some buffers - bless her heart for what she does for them - hope everything works out for yall!

MM you are so right! And I hope that the love and respect  I have for her come through in my post.  But I just had flashback today and realized how I felt and how they ust feel because at least she was at least my momma.

Maybe you can spend some time with the older boys.  Sometimes just having another adult who can communicate "you know how grandmother is- she loves you" is enough to help a kid through.

I guess I should have said they are in California we're in Georgia. When I'mthere I act as the buffer but she's there alone and we try to tell the boys. I feel she has to take some responsiblity to all the good she's doing doens't negat ewhen seh's doing soemthign dead ass wrong.

Counseling is in order for all involved. Also if your mother lives near you, why not offer to take the boys for a weekend or an afternoon to give her a break. I am raising two grandpeaches myself along with any other strays that wander in. Raising children is a full time job and often with little rewards. I am 51 and having these little guys help me to unerstand why God don't let old women have babies. I will lift your family up in prayer.

thx mamapeach! we're in Ga and they are in Cali. The past two years EVERY vacation I have I've gone home and as soon as I'm there I relieve her from duty. I try to do as much as I can but I don't know ...........

what's up..I'm out of range but thoughT I'd comment anyway...I agree that mom shouldn't say what she's saying..she seems to be reacting out of oooold built up anger...which she needs help with herself.

my answer: pray for clarity and understanding amongst the involved parties! Like I always say it aint gotta be nothing DEEP.