Don't have anymore kids (long post)

My daughter gets her lil moments- and I go APE SHIOT WILD and beat her till she begs for forgiveness -

she knows the LOOK in my eyes when I am about to snap, and now she pulls HERSELF back off that ledge.

Keep it up - and BEAT HER when you NEED TO!!!  Kids ain't lookking for soft hands. 

Because if I don't then the police will feel me.

Hey KT:
You have a lot of good information, but 5 yrs. old seems to be young to be trying to be independent...that's usually around adolesence. Have you discussed with her your Surgery, the possibilities...like dealth? I know that kids hear things around the family, even family fears...how does your Mother feel about your surgery. She is your Mom and even if she supports you, she truly fears her Baby (YOU) won't come back to her; mother's WILL express that fear, somewhere. Could your daughter have picked up on that (Never come back, ever statement). Kids will act out,  especially such a young child because she does not have the coping or speech tools to express herself yet. You know how you feel about this upcoming surgery, Imagine what your little girl must be going through.

I am NOT a big advocate of corporal punishment but every Mom knows their child and what moves them best (a good Mom). But if this is unusual for your little girl, probably something else is up. Talk with her about the surgery and soothe her fears.

I really don't know. I haven't really spoke to her about the surgery. We don't really talk about it around the house. Like the dangers or anything. The only thing we talk about is nutrition my mom thinks I need to eat more vegetables now so I can eat more vegatables later. Stuff like that. But I don't think my mom would say anything like death around my child.

Yeah 5 is young to be independent but she really really is. She loves to go and do things without me and has since she was a toddler. When we were in Atlanta she wanted to move there and when I told her I had to get back to work she was like can't I just live with Jodie (my best friend) I personally think independence is engrained in her DNA. I was a very independent child and adult and so was her father. That's just her personality. While I like the fact she is independent she needs to know she has to be age appropriate with it. Indpendence doesn't mean disrespectful.

i would've handled it the way you did except that, this may sound absuive too, but i woulda made sure to do something to hurt my daughter's feelings to get my point across - not hurt hurt (because i don't spank) but hurt her feelings hurt.  turn off the tv show she was watching or drink up all her strawberry milk, just whatever would make a baby cry, now when she got thru snivellin i'd lean in real close and say you're crying cuz you're feelings are hurt right?  nod.  then i'd tell her you see the way you feel right now, it's pretty bad right? you're upset that i'm treating you rudely....right??  more nodding.  k, well how you feel right now is exactly how you make mommy and other grown ups you're rude to feel when you decide to misbehave, y'understand?  dawn of recognition.   of course you reserve the right to beat dat *** but you don't ever even hafta raise your voice, kids understand demonstrative examples immediately.  start the show mom.  LOL!!  

I agree 100% and her feelings are going to be hurt for awhile. I told her she is on ground zero with me. I took away everything. T.V., toys, and computer. She can read her books and color and draw thats it for awhile. She needs to start earning back her privledges. This morning she told me mommy I am going to be real good so I can start earning back my options. LOL she forgot the word privledges but she knew she had to start earning something back.

Ok, your co worker would have gotten her feelings hurt spewing that mess out her mouth.  You can have as many kids as you want.

My son is doing the same thing and I hate it.  He went from this sweet little boy to this smart mouth too grown for his own good little 6yr old.  And daily I have to remind myself that he was once sweet.  I think you handle the situation good.  I probably would have one up it and started packing her crap up and placed it outside the door.  My son said that he was going to move and I packed a bad for him and told him I was more than happy to have him live with his father.  He straighten up.  I usually never use the "dad" threat but his little behind was smooth out of line.

Just hang in there momma.  I hear they become likeable again right before the teen years.  I hope thats true.

Thanks nikke it must be that age group. People warned me about the terrible 2's which she never went through. But the terrible 5's oh my goodness. I told her she wouldn't live to see 6 if she kept it up.

I think you did the right thing for you and your child at that moment.   The following is not about you or your choice.  It's just my own opinion on raising children.

Discipline starts really early - especially when you are a single Mom.  I raised a little girl by myself and she was known to tell her friends "Girl NO I can't do that - My Momma will KILL ME"  and she wasn't lying.  If I did not kill her she would wish she was dead. (No tv, no priviledges, no phone, no activities)  When the mouth got out of hand all it took was a real quick pop in those lips.  Yep...I sure would..Baby girl You will not speak to me like that - do you know who I am and ALL I do for you.  When the behaviour started to get out of line most times it just took a look.  You know the look...your Momma probably gave it to you and you pulled it together.  As she grew we had a code P.I.T.S.  Pull It Together Sistah - she knew what it meant.  Our jobs is to be Parents - Not to be friends and make deals and compromises. Many things are Not Negotiable.  

Don't get me wrong...I don't mean to be cruel or abusive and not nurturing or loving but showing where the line is and not allowing it to be tested or crossed.  There are times when a good sit down conversation does it all and others when a quick pop is all it takes. 

My daughter is 23 now.  We had our moments growing up but she still contends that I did a good job in instilling respect, love, manners and a good understanding of the world around her.  She has thanked me.  We can now be no longer just mother and daughter we can be friends.

My younger children are 9 and 11 and I contend that I must hold the line with them as well.  It's always in love but also with the knowledge that their father and I are the parents and they are the children and as long as we are responsible for them they will follow our rules.  The spankings and Pops are few and far between but they know the consequences of bad behaviour.  In out society today if we don't discipline our children there is a system in place that will take them and make us all sorry we did not.

In the 80's momma said to us:

Imma knock the black off ya!
Imma knock you into a new family!\
Imma slap you into the middle of next week!
Imma stick my foot so far up yo tail you gon smell leather on yo breath!
Imma slap some sense in ya!

many many more....but the main one was "I brought in you in this world, I'll take you out. Challenge me if you think I'm playing."

I kid you not, momma da reason I got that duck reflex going on so good....she would throw anything at'cha! I got very good at ducking!

Now Kenn and Kaye has been told they gon be put up for adoption....Imma leave yawl sassy asses wit'cho daddy and run...I can deal wit erry other weekend ....I don't even need you on holidays ~roll eyes~

Dey don been told, you grown...pay me rent heffas! Buy your own food....your own clothes...and I have been told:  Take me to Goodwill, Mommy!

I know I have princeasses.....I know I say schitt I shouldn't to them....but my momma said **** to me that I know she did not mean...I mean, like come on, you can't literally slap nodayumbody into the middle of next week....trust me, I tried that schitt and it doesn't work.

Patience? Whats that? ~roll eyes~

I pray for Kenn and Kaye....I pray I don't hurt'em cause I tell you, dey have been blessed with my genes with the booksmarts, but common sense, whew lawd \0/---if I was my own momma, I would never do the schitt Kenn and Kaye do---in fact, Kenn told me she was this close ~put hands togethter barely~ to being totally afraid of me ~bwahahahahaha~ I'm like DAYUM at 10 years old, I feared my moms big time....but this heffa almost 11 and this close to being afraid of me......

OKAY! ~ hang in there.....keep talking with her....they are never too young for open and ongoing communication. The world moves fast, we have to move faster to prepare them.