Don't have anymore kids (long post)

That's what my co-worker told me this morning at breakfast.

Ok here is the story. As you guys may know I have a 5 year old daughter and while most of the time she is a joy to be around lately she has been slipping into this monster I don't recognize. It was getting to the point where I was thinking about how much I couldn't stand her and wanted to throw her out the window. She is very sassy and flip at the mouth. She says things that I cannot believe she had the nerve to say. Like the other day she told me why don't I go on vacation and never come back. Ever. Things like that. I admit I have been lax on the discipline with her. I would yell and scream tell her to stop but that wasn't working.  So yesterday my mom took her out with her. And she showed her tail. End result my mom spanked her and was so upset threatened to never watch her again. I depend heavily on my mother's help, actually my whole family's help. And up till recently they didn't mind helping me because she was an angel. Ok so last night I didn't scream or yell. I went into her room sat on her bed and had a talk with her. I told her that her bad attitude stops today. There will be no more talking back to adults, no more sassyness. I told her she was a child and needed to stay in a child's place. That if this behavior continued and it got to a point that no one wanted to watch her that she would have to find a new home. Because I cannot do it on my own. And I will not be disrespected in my home. Nor will I allow her grandmother to be disrespected. I also told her she was on ground zero with me. I took everything away from her. No cartoons, no dvd's, no barbies. If she needs something to do she could color, draw or look at her books. Finally I prayed with her. Gave her a hug and kiss sent her to bed.

So my co-worker said that I should have more patience with her. And I have no tolerence. And by threatening to throw her out that I was mentally abusing her.  She then topped it off with that I don't need to have anymore kids. So BAF what say you? How would you have handled the situation?

Well, you already know the situation with Gaby.  She's been through and seen more than a child her age should have to experience.  She's very moody, has that selective hearing thing going on, and can get out of hand at times.

You did right with one exception....I don't know about telling her she'd have to find a new home.  Children take statements like that to heart....at least Gaby does when her aunt makes off-color statements. 

Stand firm, continue your discipline, let her know that she has to earn priviledges by acting accordingly.  Everyone has different views on child-reading.  Your co-worker, I believe was a little too opinionated with her comment.

Thanks HD for your response. Gaby and Jayla are very alike. But Jayla hasn't even been through anything traumatic in her life so she really doesn't have an excuse. The comment about her finding someplace to live came out for two reasons. 1 because its the truth. 2. Because my mom used to say that to me when i was too sassy for too long. (yeah I know I am getting it back) I don't know if it was the best decision but it didn't seem to effect her negatively. She has been a great little girl so far I think she got the point that I meant business.

Good Morning Andrea.

Like you, I also have a 5 year old daughter so I fully understand your thoughts and methods of discipline.  We tend to have a different way of dealing with our children.  When my daughter starts cutting up, I handle it in various ways, but each time I do explain to her what's not tolerated and what my actions will be.

She's at an age where she's starting to think more freely and don't always understand their actions and the joys or consequences of them.

Have as many kids as you would like. I think you're a great parent and I would have done the same thing.  Tell your Co-workers to make sure they have great customer service in a few years when their at work and your daughter comes in and order from them in the Drive thru.

Oh, I forgot to add, consider the source....these are the people that tried to give you an open box of Cereal.  HMMMMM

I agree I think she is growing up and she is starting to assert her free thinking. I told her to keep those smart comments to herself though. She has to learn how to stay in a child's place.

But these aren't the same co-workers who tried to give me the open box of cereal though.

First of all your co-worker has no right to judge you...This is your first time around dealing with being a parent...Children will be children...I have no problems such as what you describe above in dealing with my 8 year old brother...He is close to perfect in my eyes...But my Godson who is 6 has a mouth on him...It depends...All children are different and that is exactly why I am so hesitant to be a mother myself..I had it so easy with my brother because he is a good kid and do not believe the next time around will be a charm...do not get me wrong he may show off here and there but he will get it together once he realizes that I notice...I think you handled it well...If you go to soft on her she would probably take you as a joke...You do not want to get to the point where she resents you but if you are stern with her you will notice a change for the better.

Your brother sounds like my daughter. Usually no problems. It was just recently she started getting beside herself. That's why I think we let it slide for so long because it was out of character for her. But enough is enough. But being a parent is hard as I am sure you know but I think you would be a good mom don't be scared to take that leap.

Thanks...You are doing great and this is a good resourse, besides family and friends, to help when you are having concerns...She will thank you one day for being a parent and not a friend.

While I'm by no means an authority, I'll offer this:

Sometimes, we as parents may be overwhelmed by a situation.  Especially since we may be single parents.  I"m lucky in that both me and me ex-wife take part in parenting our child.

But enough of that. 

Andrea, it sounds like your daughter is testing her boundaries in terms of just how much a) independance she has and b) how much she may be able to get away with.   There is no cookie-cutter approach in dealing with children for they are all individuals. 

However, if you do establish those boundaries for her NOT to cross, they have to be definite boundaries.  For example, that thing about expressing her opinion to adults, to have her realize its not her place and (the key here) is to STICK to that. 

Not saying you do this, but I've seen plenty of parents *****ally don't say much to their children until that nerve gets struck and then the parent loses it.   That's really not fair to the kid; they're saying, "Dang.  How come I can normally get away with it, but now she's losing her mind?"   Consistency, I think, is the key. 

Andrea, just be consistent, HAVE PATIENCE, and let her know that she is the child and you are the parent.

ETA: if all else fails..you reserve the right to BEAT DAT AZZ TIL THE WHITE MEAT SHOWS. 

As for your co-worker, consider this:  Opinions are like rectums..everyone has one and it always spews chiot.  :) 

Yes consistency is very key in raising children. I have never been the kind of parent who let their child go wild and not say anything. Luckily I never had that great of a problem though. Just little things that were age appropriate. Just recently she went to the extreme with it. And I felt I had to correct it right then and there. Yes I am a single parent and like I explained to her she is very very fortunate because unlike a lot of kids out there she has a very good support system in her life. She has two grandmothers that she lives with besides me. She has aunts and uncles and cousins who come and get her on a regular basis and spend time with her. She is very supported. And has positive male figures in her life. I am not perfect and I don't expect her to be but like I told her she has to do better than this. I refuse to have a child of mine grow up one day and think they can punch me in the face or cuss me out. No way no how.