OT

Thanks for all the replies.

speaking as a long lost child. 


The grown ups (particularly the mother) need to grow the **** up.  Sounds like history is haunting the dad and he wants to start making it right.  I believe he has every right to do so.  The son also has every right to meet the father if he so desires.  Ultimately, he will make the decision on what if any role he plays in his life going forward and hopefully mom doesn't try to manipulate that.

Granted I don't know these people, but from what you've provided, sounds like mom may not be to keen on this going down at all and will try to block.  I don't think there's anything wrong with giving her an FYI, but honestly, we're not talking about a 9 year old, we're talking about a 17 year old, that's damn near an adult and it's his decision. 

Now I do think perhaps the child should be asked whether or not he even has any desire to meet his father.  At 17, I didn't give a **** cause I had a daddy and I would have never sought the (biological) other for fear of hurting the real's feelings.  When the other popped up when I was 28, (daddy dead and gone) I honestly felt a little violated.  That said, I would go with the kids vibe, give him the father's info and if he's open to it give the father the kids info as well and let them hug it out.

Now from another perspective, my brother has a baby mama, He is actually raising the kid, but if the tables were turned, I wish somebody would tell me I can't tell my little sweetiekins who his daddy is and put him in contact with him.  THE HELL!!!!  How the hell do you accept years of love, help and money from the daddy's family but he can't meet his actual daddy?  Fugg dat.  If it was me, he'da been met his daddy.

Hi all. Not to scare anybody, but here in New Orleans we just had a father kill his son with whom he wanted to have nothing to do with. Even though the child was two and this child is 17/18 the mother still needs to find out what is the father true reasons for wanting to be in the childs life after all those years. Because I know first hand that people are motivated by certain reasons when it comes to wanting to be a part of someones life. Good luck and Blessings to the parties involved in this matter.

No kids here and my folks are still together but from the outside looking in it's the child's decision whether or not he wants to pursue the relationship.  Its been yrs, its time for the mother to let go of her anger/hurt/ whatever.  As a mom I would hope she would want whats best for her child and would encourage her child to seek out his father and unless the father proves himself to be abusive or a user she should not ntervene.

Wishing all the best to those involved.

This is definately a "what if" type situation for me since I have a almost 6 year old that one day could be in this exact situation.

I can only say what I would do as I'm already doing it.  I have made a point to never speak poorly of his father because actions always speak louder than words.  My son can form his own opinion and to be honest already has.  If he wants to pursue a relationship later or vice-versa, the same would hold true--a child has a right to know his parent. 

That same child will form his own opinion and it's usually more accurate than you could ever express yourself. 

Additionally, with children young or old the more you push against something the more they are going to do it.  

From a child of divorced parents some of what I'm about to say will be coming from personal experience...

I agree with all that's been said but if I'm not mistaken didn't you say that the son only knows his stepfather?...If that is the case then I think it would be a shock to him to find out that the man he thought was is father isn't and if the aunt tells him this it could cause resentment between the son and mother, since she was the one that kept the bio-father away; in this case the aunt should talk to the mother and suggest to her that it's time to come clean and do the right thing...He still may be hurt but it may go over better coming from his mother...On the other hand, if he knows that his stepfather isn't his real father but has only heard bad things about his real father then I think the aunt could go directly to the son and ask him if he wants to be involved with his real father but respect the mother enough to let her know that she's going to tell him and try to get her to see that it's the right thing to do...Either way, he's old enough to be told but still young enough that in either situation, you'd want the hurt to be as minimal as possible...

It kills me when parents do things like this because it only hurts the child in the long run...Parents need to stop using their children as pawns in their so called 'grown-up' games and grow up!...I don't know why women think that having a baby by a man means he's going to marry you...Women have been playing that game since the beginning of time and it's really getting old!...Get it through your head girl, BABIES DO NOT MAKE A MAN WANT YOU!...No, you didn't make the baby by yourself but for all that is holy, have some pride about yourself and handle your business...If he doesn't want you move on, there are plenty of other men out there that will...Unless the father is a head case do what's right by your baby and let the father be a father in more than juat name only...As for the fathers and their guilty conscious, what I say to that is, "Any old excuse will do!"...Stop shunning your responsibility because your baby mamma is being a b$%@#; man up and make your presence know in your child's life...That doesn't mean just writing a check either every mont; spend quality time and form a strong relationship with your child so he/she will know that they can depend on you come 'hell or high water'...You can't get mad if some other man comes along and is more of a father to your child than you are...




NOTE!:  If I'm not mistaken in the case where the father killed his child, he did that to keep from paying child support...Totally different situation.