OT: One brother's take on Black women........

D...I had this very same conversation with my friend last week...we were talking about 3 weeks ago and I kinda/sorta said to him that I didn't need a man to do x, y and z for me...told him what I was not going to stand for in a relationship...oh it went there...and he said nothing.

Then, out of the clear blue..bro man opened up the flood gates and pretty much told me to leave that 'crap' at the door...and that he didn't want to hear that come out of my mouth again.  Said he didn't know what type(s) of relationships I used to have but that he was pretty much not willing to hear about them.

I was a little pissed at him...at first...but then a few days after the shock wore off, I realized that he was trying to do for me; he was trying to...be a man...and I was hindering him and his intent.  Needless to say, I begged his pardon...and decided...hey this might work for my benefit...stop telling the brother what you're NOT going to put up with - especially when he has never done anything AGAINST you!

Yep...I'm learning...still!

DD

Gurl - give me some skin on that ^5!!!!  LOL  I SO feel you on this!!!!  I have to hold my tongue from time to time to not do the exact same thing.......

If you still strugglin - I know I got a ways to go!!!!  LOL 

I think submission has a negative connotation. I don't believe any of us should submit to any other human being. I think someone else said it best...you have to look at your partnership and see what the other one's strengths and weaknesses are then compare them against your own. Granted, I am have a strong personality when it comes to things like that. I think some men like 'independent' women that have that mindset you are referring to...they know that they are around because the woman WANTS them around and not because they NEED them. Yes, you do have to make your partner feel needed sometimes, and there is a balance to it all. That is why even good marriages are hard work. I guess we are 'nontraditional' in my house also...we view our marriage as a total partnership and don't always assume the stereotypical roles. Yes, I do all of the cooking and his plate is ready when he gets home from work...but he does the laundry and the floors, not me; I don't trip if I have to put the trash out on the curb. When our daughter was an infant, he got up with her more than I did...he was even a stay at home dad for a little bit. Everyone has to find what works for them.

It is my belief that submission is a great thing in a relationship.  Submission is just another word for being compliant.  We are compliant to goverment and our employers how come we can not be compliant in a relationship.  When you being a relationship as a couple you decide the bounders, rules, etc.  Submission is just being compliant to the things you decide are right for your relationship.  Respect and compromise go both ways in a relationship.  The bible does teach about a women being submission ,but it also teach a man how to honor.  I know for a fact that when I am submissive or compliant  to the things my husband wants he does the same for me.  I been with the same person for eleven years and it is really work for us. 

Great responsibility comes with being dominant in a relationship.  For a woman to be submissive you have to gain her trust in order for her to follow you and respect your decisions.  Your decisions should not just be about you it should be about what is best for you as a couple or as a family.  Too often I see men wanting a submissive woman and then they are not willing to take on the responsibility that goes along with it. 

I am submissive in my marriage.  That has always been one of my charms at least that’s what my husband says as well as previous boyfriends.  I always let them keep their masculinity intact and did not cut them down under any cir****tance.  But there is a cost to all this...  I’m not going to tell you what to do. I expect you to have a plans or goals and work them. I like for there to be defined roles in the relationship and each person living up to them to make the relationship work. You can renegotiate the roles or responsibilities as needed. 

I want to touch on something Mr. Baker mentioned about women raising boys… One of my uncles told me to never marry a man who didn’t have a father or father figure at home. He said that the man will be used to women doing for them so they will expect you do take care of them like their mother. In my age group when I was dating he was right on the money. My husband had a father at home and still throws out the “my mama did this" card from time to time. His mom didn’t work but I’m expected to work and do all the duties of stay at home wife… Nope…Ain’t happening…He needs to create the cir****tances that will allow me to take that role.  

lol....yes that is different!! If he wants you to do all that then of course he should be paying to cost to be the boss or at least breaking you off a lil extra for the extra he's asking for....I mean my pops was never home however he ALWAYS mad sure my Mamma had EXTRA spending money b/c she done so much for us she never wanted for nothing b/c she was super Mamma....

Let homeboy know if he's not breaking bread your not breaking your back for NUTHING....

Hi everyone!!

Well my thoughts are like this... I believe you can be submissive and independent at the same time. I only think that submissiveness is bad when a woman is completely dependent on the man, and if he was to step off, she would be hopeless thats when it goes bad. And on the flipside when a woman think cause she makes more that she has to constantly let him know that. Thats hurtful to anyone, no matter what side your on.  I believe to a certain degree, men like women who can take care of themselves, just like we like a man to be able to handle his own. But we dont want either side to try to hold that other the other party's head. 

Submission is EARNED!!  It is not just GIVEN!!  A man must show and prove to be WORTHY of my submission before I concede any power to him.  And when I do it is my gift to him.  It is to be valued, respected and cherished.  At any time that I feel he is NOT worthy or not pulling his portion of the responsibility to deal is done.

I have never been one to give to much of myself quickly.  In my marriage submission to my husband has grown over the years.  We are partners, team mates, lovers and friends.  As the head of the house it's his responsibility to have an over all plan for his family, to look at the big picture and make wise choices regarding our future.  It's his responsibility to put the base in his voice and pull the kids in line.  It's his responsibility to treat me like his queen, protect me and promote happiness and harmoney in our home.

It's my responsibility to provide support to him in his efforts.  To walk beside him and help lift him up. To treat him as the head of my household and the king he is.  To share ideas, knowledge and goals with him.  He is the stregnth and I am the support.  I am the nurturer, a caretaker, a lover and the mother of the children.

You will notice I did not mention cooking the food, making a plate and cleaning the house.  We are partners and we do that together.  We decided some years back that in life we would both "Play our Positions".  I willingly submit to him and he lovingly leads - Being Dominant is not being arrogant, controlling or ugly.  It is leading and loving in a manner and path that is right for the family unit to grow in.  Being submissive is not being weak, pushed over or a door mat - it actually requires quite a bit of stregnth and understanding.  Everything does not work for every body.  You have to really know that your mate is WORTHY of You.

That was said so well.........Thanks!!!! 

Why Thank you Mr. B