Self Denial is a Mutha

I've lost 45lbs and my mom who lives 4 hours away and hasn't seen me is like, "well baby can you see the weight loss."  I told her not really and she's like "that's um sad."  At first, patients were telling me they saw the weight loss but they are schizophrenics so I was like they are just delusional (lol) but now alot of sane folks are telling me so that's what made me really go back and look at old pics and then look at me now.

I wasnt in denial, I actually love the way i look now, the only reason i got the surgery was because of health reasons. I loved being in the camera, i have like 500 pics of me with my web cam on my computer, some say i was a bit conceited, i just said, no I love me, hell if I dont, who will you know?? But I will say that now that the weight is just falling off ( i think its like thirty lbs so far, i need a damn scale lol) its weird to see my clothes falling off, and to hear mykids say, my mommy getting skinny (mommys lil angels, that got them some ice cream lol) Now mentally, me getting smaller?? Hell, if i thought i was cute before. Lawd lawd lawd! Watch out world!! Sunshine gonna be killin em even more!!!

Good luck on your loss baby!! Keep it up!!

You go 'head Sunshine and do your thang girl.  Congrats on the weight loss

Thanks Mami!! You too!

I wasn't in denial before surgery but after I started losing weight, I was.  I didn't notice that I had actually lost weight until my pants fell down at walmart( this was before I started wearing belts).  Now my biggest challenge not feeling big after going to a new size.  I will be all excited about getting to a new size and after a week I will start to have the same, OMG I'm the biggest person around feelings.  Its also hard for me to accept compliments and people coming up to me saying how great I look now.  I'm just not used to people being in my personal space and it makes me uncomfortable when people come up to me like that.  Before surgery I never dealt with it and its becoming a real problem because I don't want to go anywhere where people know me.

I'm still on your pants falling down in walmart.  That made me think back to when I had my gallbladder taken about last year and they discharged me on the same day.  My brother wanted to go to walmart and didn't want to leave me in the car so he put me on one of those scooters and left me at the pharmacy still heavily sedated and drooling.  I could hear people passing by saying damn what's wrong with her...

Anywhoo, I understand what you are saying about the personal space.  It especially annoys me when it's people that I really don't know coming up all in my face talking about how much I've lost and what did I do.  I'm like and your name is what?????  People tell me to just get used to it but I gotta find a way to impliment some boundaries with these people.

I was never in denial.....I hated to take pics from tha neck down, I hated going to the mall because I knw they didnt have my size, I hated going to the doc, because I knw he was going to put me on the scale....I could go on and on.....LOLOL

But I'm jus glad that I did something about it, and your so rite, It want happen over night but it will happen. Keep up the good work, and your looking great !!!

Thank you Covah.  You telling the truth about the mall.  I used to find myself in the fitting room shedding tears cause the biggest size they had just wasn't fitting right.  By the way, you are looking great.  Keep up the great work.

you might be too young to know who this is but years ago vesta williams (of "congratulations" fame) was on the arsenio hall show after she'd lost weight.  now vesta came from a 24/26 somewhere in there to an 8.  arsenio asked her what made her start and she said one day i just had to tell myself the truth, i was walking around thinking of myself as a "medium"  and as crazy as it sounded i got it what she meant.   when 60% of the women in this country are a size 14 or better, you go outside for lunch and 6 outta 10 chicks are fluffly like you, you think, see thas normal!  but those 6 women do not get that reinforcement from retail, from media images, hayle from chair designers, etc.  i was absolutely in denial pre-op cuz like vesta i went around thinking of myself as a medium (when the larges didn't fit i'd leave in a huff) i've had moments when i forgot but there's been no major mental adjustment b/c when my current reflection is the girl i always thought i looked like.    

 

I remember Vesta...I could never get my hair like hers though...lol.  Anyways, I come from big women and I guess being big is just the norm for us.  I did the diet pills before and went from 260 to 210.  My grandma was constantly screaming at me that I was too skinny and kept feeding me everytime I came to her house.  I actually believed them and kept right on eating till I got up over 300.  My cousin had the surgery a few years and again my family was telling me how sick she looked cause she was sooooooo skinny.  I came home and saw her and she looked great at 200 and 5 ft 4 inches.