Dating Dilemma!

Hey Everyone,


  I just had WLS on 2-13-09 and It was one of the best things I could have ever done.  The Only problem I have encountered is with the Gentlemen I had/have? been dating since Sept. 07.  I didnt tell him I was having the surgery Until a week before the actual surgery, I told him at the last minute because during the course of our relationship he would always make negative comments about the surgery so I was kinda scared to tell him. The night before my surgery we were together we went out and spent a wonderful evening together and he promised to come and see me once I was out of surgery.  Well.....I havent seen him since that nite!!!  I have spoken to him everyday since, but he always has some reason why he cant come and see me. Now I understand he was against the surgery mainly because he prefers plus-size women but come on!!!!  He claims there is no problem and our relationship hasnt changed but actions speak louder than words!!  At this point I just dont know what to do because I really liked him and we were really compatible.

I guess I'm just comfused and just dont know what my next step should be.

Should I let him go or see if he'll come around?
Any Suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

Please don't take this the wrong way but, how compatible can you be really if he can't make time to come and see you? This is a question I have had to recently ask myself as well. I have chosen to back off of my situation but that is just me.

Hello

Never seen you on the board; and congrats on your surgery.  Babygirl, you answered your own question.  You've had surgery almost a month ago; and he hasn't seen you since then but has talked to you on the phone and has been making excuses??  Now is the time to need support more than anything.  And you know he's against the surgery from giddy up; why do you want him around?  NEXT!!!!  You're wasting your time; he's not going to come around; he now wants to be a phone buddy; if he's too busy to see you he's too busy to talk on the phone.  That's some mess!!!  Sorry, JMHO!!!

Just my 2 cents...

Forget him. This surgery is perhaps one of the biggest life changes you will ever make, and the fact that he hasn't yet made an effort to come and see you speaks volumes. I know it is hard when you feel compatible, but this may fade over time as you achieve your health and wellness goals, leaving you non-plus sized, and him less satisfied. I know it is a hard thing to do, but you know you deserve better. He'll come around, believe it... just don't be there waiting for him!

Hi Rachenoel, welcome to BAF, congratulations on your surgery!   I am sorry thatt you are sadden over this situation.  I do understand relationships are sometimes complicated, however, you have made a major decision to better your life by having this surgery.  My advice to you is to focuse on making you happy, your life is about to change at a very fast pace.  I hope you don't miss the thrill of your journey because of this relationship. Back off, love YOU!  Have fun an enjoy YOUR life!  

Congratulations on your surgery and Welcome to BAF. Letting go of a long term relationship can be very difficult to do. One, because you are comfortable with that person and two, you don't know what the future holds. Your choice of not telling him until the last minute says to me that you were aftraid this would happen. Take a chance on you, don't worry about him. It's his loss. Like a previous poster said, you are going to be going thru so many changes, you don't have time to worry about him. Focus on you. This is a time that you need support and he is not giving it to you. Hang in there and we are here for you!!!!!

Hi Rachelnoel,

Welcome to BAF & Congrats on your new lease on life.  All I can offer is I was in a very similar situation except I was living with my then boyfriend (now husband)  I am pretty sure I didn't tell him until the week before maybe even a few days before.  He was tight at first but, I felt like love me or leave me alone.  We had been together a long time and I knew he would understand this is what I needed to do to save my life.  The long and the short is he stood by my side.  It sounds like your gentleman caller is not such a gentleman and you should let him be and focus on you. You will need lots of positive support during the begin phase of this journey and he should be there for that if nothing more.  Best of luck to you in this journey!


~Maxine

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU!!! ITS YOUR TIME!

Please don't get your feathers ruffled.......

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...................

I am with a man I have known since WAY before WLS - he wasn't tryna hear it either but nothing could keep this mofo away from me!  He didn't want me having plastic surgery either - but we FOUGHT over me telling him to stay away from me - he INSISTED on being here with me to care for me afterward........

Chile - that man is SHOWING you what he ain't got the NUTS to TELL you...... listen up either way!!!!

Just my $0.02............

Gorgeous avatar...Please do not change it...this is my favorite.