Ok here is my question

Hey Chelle I haven't seen you around these parts in awhile. Hope all is well with you.

But onto the topic. That makes me think of another question if you consistently accept bad behavior from people you date/are married to don't you have to take a hard look at yourself at some point and ask yourself why?

I have been crazy busy at work trying to make sure they skip me on the next round of layoffs.  Stressful times for everybody.

You are so right.  If you consistently accept bad behavior then you have no self respect.  I have an older sister who was abused by more than one guy, and her children were also hit.  She made me so angry because she kept picking losers and staying with them.  She was beautiful too.  It took me a long time to realize that she was as much the problem as they were.  She is now living alone, and happy.  But I think she has really missed out on life and she didn't do her kids any favors.

that is sad Chelle. But I am with you. I am big about  taking personal responsibility for your actions.  You cannot control what others do you can only control your response or your role in it. 

something nate said made it click for me:  a woman at the height of her adrenaline is not stronger or even as strong as a man at the height of his. the shyt is wrong because she CANT beat him squarely.   It's base and ignorant (to me) cuz it says you're literally not in control of yourself , nobody evah, not nevah in the history of n**adom got up from an ass whuppin tambout, you know what? he's got a point. 

hard to say if a cheater will always cheat cuz it ain't chronic AND you need at least one other person's help.  

i wouldn't wait for either cir****tance though - don't needa be no trapped inna closet moment, the relationship is over if i'm questioning my trust for you.   hitting is a dealbreaker too and i don't believe you can be with someone for a while and not have ANY signs, violence escalates, if he feels comfortable loud talking, hand gesturing, cussing @ you, a slap across the mouth is not far behind

I'm amazed that I'm married.  My mother and her sisters all married cheaters.  But then that's what they grew up with... the men in their family cheat.  All the men in my father's family were cheaters too. I think I can only name 2 men out of all my family who don't cheat and they are the henpecked type of men.  The rest "run women" or they are womanizers like my mom used to say.    When that study came out a few years ago saying that some men were predisposed to cheating it had me scratching my head.  I still believe that it is learned behavior.  If your son is sitting there watching his father doing this he's is going to think it is acceptable. 

I got married when I was 35.  If I had gotten married when I was younger I'm positive I would have married a cheater and would have stayed there and put up with it.   There is something to be said for being older and wiser in relationships.  I can see cheaters and abusers coming from a mile away now.