A Cautionary Tale
I don't normally vent on here, but I felt the urge, nope, the need to put this on paper, so to speak.
Okay, so I pop out of bed about 6:30 (like I normally do on the weekends-go figure) and I'm just being a lazy lima bean around the house until my lazy teenager decides to stir (meaning it must be close to noon) from sleep. lol
Anyway, about 7:30, I get a call from a lady friend of mine who lives in Dayton, Ohio. Right away, my reaction is "What the hell?" because she is close to tears.
Apparently, she'd been dating this cat who lives in Kentucky for nearly two years. The routine, she always said, was that they'd see each other twice a month; either he would go to her or she to him. She said that quite suddenly in the last month and a half, the b/f had been making excuses about not wanting to go there or wanting her to see him.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking: Heck, I told her the same thing.
"Honestly," I said, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible, "I have five words for you: HE'S NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE"
At that point, she loses it.
"How can you say that? You're my friend. You're supposed to be encouraging. Maybe they ARE real issues. He's saying he's working weekends all the time now."
Now, I"m not the ~roll my eyes~ type (sorry Dedee, I couldn't resist-lol). I"m a "Shaking/ scratching my head" type over dumb stuff for as long as I can remember.
So, I start asking questions:
Q. How often do you speak during the week?
A. We used to speak several times throughout the course of the day. Not as much now. Demands of the job.
Q. How about after work hours? How often do you talk THEN?
A. We'll speak for a few minutes, then he'll make an excuse to leave, say he'll call back.
Q. Does he?
A. No
I"m thinking at this point: DUH!
Q. When you call, what happens?
A. I always get the voicemail...he never calls me back
Q One more question...do you hear from him on the weekends?
A. No. Again. Working.
I'm thinking: Sheesh, we're cool and all, but she's a special kind of stupid when it comes to dudes.
Me: Okay. If its work related, no one works 24/ 7 with out a break for at least a five minute call. My opinion? He's got someone else. One thing I learned from my marriage and divorce is that if someone has a routine and it suddenly changes drastiically, chances ARE you've been dismissed and weren't told. Sorry.
Her: How could he do that? That is so...(at this point, I'm starting to hear *whaaah whaaah, whaah, whaaah...like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons...it amounted to the man-bashing stuff, forgettting she was TALKING to a man).
Me (when she took a breath): You know, granted he should have told you that you've been kicked to the curb. THAT was effed up, but the signs are there, babe. You should have seen them.
Her: You have no idea what you're talking about. We talked about moving in together......(blah, blah, blah)
Bottom line, she shot the messenger (me) because I told her the truth. We're having a cooling off period regarding our friendship (maybe). As I type this, i'm still shaking my daggone head.
The morals: a) if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, its a damned duck and b) If you ask someone's opinion and the give it to you, DON'T get pissed off if you don't hear what you'd like.
Class dismissed.
eta: okay..I get called back. She's pissed now. Ranting and raving about how all men do this and all men do that and about how she is sick of us all...blah blah blah.
Me? I kinda finally lost my temper.
Me: How the hell are you going to talk that shiot when you could see the writing on the wall and ignored it?
Her: Ya'll always take advantage of a woman's good nature (blah, blah, blah)
Me: Yeah, yeah, with your wings and halos and "we never do wrong always get wronged" attitudes.
At that point, I hung up the phone. Hard. lol.
Okay, so I pop out of bed about 6:30 (like I normally do on the weekends-go figure) and I'm just being a lazy lima bean around the house until my lazy teenager decides to stir (meaning it must be close to noon) from sleep. lol
Anyway, about 7:30, I get a call from a lady friend of mine who lives in Dayton, Ohio. Right away, my reaction is "What the hell?" because she is close to tears.
Apparently, she'd been dating this cat who lives in Kentucky for nearly two years. The routine, she always said, was that they'd see each other twice a month; either he would go to her or she to him. She said that quite suddenly in the last month and a half, the b/f had been making excuses about not wanting to go there or wanting her to see him.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking: Heck, I told her the same thing.
"Honestly," I said, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible, "I have five words for you: HE'S NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE"
At that point, she loses it.
"How can you say that? You're my friend. You're supposed to be encouraging. Maybe they ARE real issues. He's saying he's working weekends all the time now."
Now, I"m not the ~roll my eyes~ type (sorry Dedee, I couldn't resist-lol). I"m a "Shaking/ scratching my head" type over dumb stuff for as long as I can remember.
So, I start asking questions:
Q. How often do you speak during the week?
A. We used to speak several times throughout the course of the day. Not as much now. Demands of the job.
Q. How about after work hours? How often do you talk THEN?
A. We'll speak for a few minutes, then he'll make an excuse to leave, say he'll call back.
Q. Does he?
A. No
I"m thinking at this point: DUH!
Q. When you call, what happens?
A. I always get the voicemail...he never calls me back
Q One more question...do you hear from him on the weekends?
A. No. Again. Working.
I'm thinking: Sheesh, we're cool and all, but she's a special kind of stupid when it comes to dudes.
Me: Okay. If its work related, no one works 24/ 7 with out a break for at least a five minute call. My opinion? He's got someone else. One thing I learned from my marriage and divorce is that if someone has a routine and it suddenly changes drastiically, chances ARE you've been dismissed and weren't told. Sorry.
Her: How could he do that? That is so...(at this point, I'm starting to hear *whaaah whaaah, whaah, whaaah...like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons...it amounted to the man-bashing stuff, forgettting she was TALKING to a man).
Me (when she took a breath): You know, granted he should have told you that you've been kicked to the curb. THAT was effed up, but the signs are there, babe. You should have seen them.
Her: You have no idea what you're talking about. We talked about moving in together......(blah, blah, blah)
Bottom line, she shot the messenger (me) because I told her the truth. We're having a cooling off period regarding our friendship (maybe). As I type this, i'm still shaking my daggone head.
The morals: a) if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, its a damned duck and b) If you ask someone's opinion and the give it to you, DON'T get pissed off if you don't hear what you'd like.
Class dismissed.
eta: okay..I get called back. She's pissed now. Ranting and raving about how all men do this and all men do that and about how she is sick of us all...blah blah blah.
Me? I kinda finally lost my temper.
Me: How the hell are you going to talk that shiot when you could see the writing on the wall and ignored it?
Her: Ya'll always take advantage of a woman's good nature (blah, blah, blah)
Me: Yeah, yeah, with your wings and halos and "we never do wrong always get wronged" attitudes.
At that point, I hung up the phone. Hard. lol.
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." Plutach. Not true, for there are always more worlds to conquer.
www.myspace.com/dalexis863
Chile please. That **** was like when a retarded mofo comes up to you looking normal then grabs your titties and says "I LIKE MILK!"
I don't just have issues, I have subscriptions! I'm saving on the newsstand price....... 
Check out my dating mis - adventures at: http://1macdatinggame.blogspot.com/
You had someone grab ur bresses and say that? wow. lol
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." Plutach. Not true, for there are always more worlds to conquer.
www.myspace.com/dalexis863
naw - not me - I SEEN it done tho - LMAOOOOOOO mofo looked like a regular mofo then grabbed the boobies.
Ole girl just wanted somebody to 'play' in fantasy land with her - she called the wrong bruh - she shoulda called one of her married homegirls - them *****es good for staying in delusions and hallucinations with friends......
Ole girl just wanted somebody to 'play' in fantasy land with her - she called the wrong bruh - she shoulda called one of her married homegirls - them *****es good for staying in delusions and hallucinations with friends......
I don't just have issues, I have subscriptions! I'm saving on the newsstand price.......
Check out my dating mis - adventures at: http://1macdatinggame.blogspot.com/
Amen and church has been dismissed early!!!! 
I have no more to add because you've said a mouthful and then some. Oh but once she's done cooling off she'll come to you with some more ish and I would tell her I don't want to hear it since you know all the answers! (Sorry I sound a little bitter; but then there and done that and sold the rights to Oprah)!
I have no more to add because you've said a mouthful and then some. Oh but once she's done cooling off she'll come to you with some more ish and I would tell her I don't want to hear it since you know all the answers! (Sorry I sound a little bitter; but then there and done that and sold the rights to Oprah)! http://www.myspace.com/essnce04
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. ~Booker T. Washington~
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. ~Booker T. Washington~
LOL 
Hey, andrea.
How u be, babe?
How u be, babe?
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." Plutach. Not true, for there are always more worlds to conquer.
www.myspace.com/dalexis863
My whole thing is if your not into the person any longer, let them know..don't have them assuming stuff. If you feel bold enough to make your move, be bold enough to then them, "Uh, babe, you've been dismissed/ replaced/ curb kicked" whatever.
This, to my applies to not just my brothas, but the sistas as well. A lot of times they will use the excuse "I didn't want to hurt your feelings." (I guess the brother in my friend's case is going to say the same thing) Me? I'd rather have my feelings hurt today for dumping me/ replacing me than lying to me and having me hate your fish-eating guts later. lol.
This, to my applies to not just my brothas, but the sistas as well. A lot of times they will use the excuse "I didn't want to hurt your feelings." (I guess the brother in my friend's case is going to say the same thing) Me? I'd rather have my feelings hurt today for dumping me/ replacing me than lying to me and having me hate your fish-eating guts later. lol.
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." Plutach. Not true, for there are always more worlds to conquer.
www.myspace.com/dalexis863
D,
I totally agree with you. I would prefer to just have the bandage ripped off one time and deal with the loss and move on than to be in a constant state of limbo and mourning the loss of what used to be over a long period of time and hoping that things will return to the "glory days". In your friends case, she's probably been crying for 2 months. MISERY!
I totally agree with you. I would prefer to just have the bandage ripped off one time and deal with the loss and move on than to be in a constant state of limbo and mourning the loss of what used to be over a long period of time and hoping that things will return to the "glory days". In your friends case, she's probably been crying for 2 months. MISERY!
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