What Would You Do?

I can understand that....she is YOUR offspring.....I had to grasp that fact with my sister too, BUT, ain't no mfer, offspring or not, staying in my house....******g up my sanity!

I broke my momma's rule once (okay, I got caught once) and she beat me so bad ~not whip me---BEAT me~ then after the beating.....I had to dayum near give an oral speech...

Do you know why I beat you? You understand it was for your own good? It hurts me to do it, ~real name~, but you lied and disobeyed me. Do you understand? One day, you gon thank me for what I do. Them lil friends of yours, they momma don't care. They wishing they momma cared. I know you think I care too much, and I may do, but I'd rather be dead to see harm come to you cos I was not a momma to you. Do you understand? Wanna talk about it?

You have one more year under my rule, then you can get out and do your own life, but if you screw up within that year, you outta here! My house; my rules.

I left home so dayum fast

WHEW----that was always her speech and she was so right! My girl, the one I hung out with, doing 5 years right now! ~SMDH~

I disagree! BUMP that.....if he paying bills.....he better speak the hell up or get ran over. Trust me, I never gave my mommy flack ~she hit you with whatever nearby....that could be anything from a shoe to a frying pan~, but my stepfather (RIP), boy, he was a pushover LOL

With my older kids (stepkids), Dedee never bowed down! I took rule from day one....not saying it worked the way it should LOL, but they do respect my position!

Two words Ma .........."Tough love"........I have a 21 yr old daughter and she tried me but  I whipped out a whole six pack of  tough love on her......and it worked..... now that she out on her own she is the sweetest kid.....she goes to community college part-time and holds down a full-time job.   She came to me later after she was on her own an apologized for giving me such a hard time and that she realized what I was trying to do for her all that time....and that she understands why I opened up the six pack of tough love on her.....so now our relationship is golden

hmmm that sound like me when i was 18...my mom didnt play...when i acted up she took my cell phone and my car keys....i hated that mess...it aint fun walking in the winter to school when you got a car sittin at home...and i was so addicted to my cell phone i hated when she took it...

if she getting bad grades then she aint using that internet to do homework...thats just an excuse to be on myspace all day...trust and believe this coming from a young girl myself. If i got bad grades...i wouldnt know what a computer looked like in my house...

another thing my mom never kicked me out but she told me what she would and wouldnt put up with and she told me if i didnt like the rules i knew exactly were the door was and i could leave at any time....

My aunt does daycare and they have to go to these classes..the lady said if discipline isnt working with your kids...take away the bed they sleep in. after all its YOUR bed because you bought it...most kids dont like sleeping on the floor.....

and again just like everyone else said make sure you pray because you are gonna need a lot of prayer to keep your sanity!! and i hope everything gets better for you!!

I will pray for you and your daughter.  I would of needed Jesus him self to assist me if I was acting up the way she is.  I live with my aunt as a teenager and she would not of hesitated to beat me down and kick me out if I was acting up.  God bless your situation but I know with God you can handle it. 

Girl, I need Jesus now!!!!!!  He's my source of help in this time of trouble.   Thank you for your prayers

I don't have kids but I agree with everything everybody else said in regards to tough love...and even that may NOT make her change depending on her mind set. I agree with Dedee...you've "let" her get away with so much that she's accustomed to doing everything she's been allowed to do...so once you try to change the rules she's going to be defiant and rebelliuos(sp) but be ready to stick to your guns. My second oldest sister was the bad seed in out of all 5 girls my parents have...she did things, despite the strict measures my parents took with her....today, she's in prison serving a LIFE sentence for murder. Pray for your daughter and try to assist her in finding some help to figure out why she's doing the things she's doing. Best Wishes

Wow....I know its not easy.  Especially the teenage years. They think they are so grown and dont really have a clue.

Dont put her out thats my only advice, cause then she will fall victim to so many things out in the street. 

But lay down your laws and let her know that she got one foot and one foot in.

Praying for you and her !

Two words – Tough Love.

 

I hope you will hear this in the spirit in which it intended. 

 

Truthfully, whenever I hear someone say that a child is spoiled, the first person that I look at is the parent.  Your daughter is doing everything she wants to do in your house and there appear to be no consequences for her behavior – that’s on you.  When a child is raised to believe that the world revolves around them and that they can have their way, this is how they turn out.  I can imagine this issue might be creating some tension in your household with a new husband in the mix - not a pleasant scenario.  It sounds like you’ve halfway decided that you want her out of your house, but your hands are tied by the law at this point. 

 

If you have a history of promising consequences for bad behavior but not consistently following up on it, you have no credibility with her.  She will assume anything you say is just another empty threat.  If you really want to save her (and your sanity), you’re going to have to do something drastic enough to shake her up and let her know that you’re serious. 

 

Legally you can’t put her out, but you can make it less comfortable for her to be there and less convenient for her to disrupt your household.  Take away her privileges – computer, telephone, etc.  Change the locks on the doors so she can’t come and go as she pleases.  If she doesn’t come in by the time you tell her to be home, then she finds somewhere else to spend the night.  If she is grown, has money, doesn’t pay rent or help around the house, I would stop feeding her.  Make her buy her own groceries.

 

That brings me back to something else.  She doesn’t have a job.  Where is she getting all this money from?   This would be a big red flag for me.  Is she doing something illegal?  Could she be bringing drugs into your house since she’s hanging out with those kinds of folks?

 

I’d never presume to tell anybody they should to put their child (adult or minor) out, but at some point enough is enough.  I’d be looking for some relative for her to “visit" for a while.  That’s just me though...

 

 I’m lifting you and your family in prayer.  I truly hope this will be resolved and there will be a positive outcome for everyone involved.


 I just saw the post with the Job Corp idea.   I know some people who went through it and it helped turn them around. 

I have given out Tough Love for as long as I could.  Like I've told everyone else, I went to every source and help I could go to.   We do believe that she is dealing drugs but we have no proof of it.  She is working part time at a tax place but not enough to have her have all this money.  I have no family here, all of my family is in Virginia.  And I even told her she would have to go to Va because she is just set in her ways.  She refuses to go because she wants to stay here and hang out with her friends.  When I tell her no she can't do or have something, she finds a way to get it or do it.  She wants to be grown and have things her way... so I told her she needs to get out.

Right now she's trying to find an apt but she wants me and hubby to put the apt in our name.  We told her no and one major reason is because my husband works for the prision system in NJ and if he put the apt in his name and my daughter brings some illegal mess there, then HE is in trouble and HE loses his job.  No matter what the reason, when you work for the State of Prisons especially with my husband being the Deputy Director... he can't take that risk.  And second of all, I'm not putting my name in it for the same reasons plus I'm trying to pay some debts off.  

I feel like if everyone of her friends are giving her money, picking her up and whatnot, then she needs to go live with them and stop living "off of us".  She can't have her cake and eat it too...