Cute in the face but....

Never mean-spirited / cold???????  uh, okay. 

I can not stand the you have a pretty face comment because the people that have said it to me many times where saying it as a backend complement.  So I feel it is rude.  To me in my opinion either you are pretty or you are not.  I would never tell some one you have a pretty face.  I just say you are pretty.  I understand every man is not going to be attracted to me but I have had many men tell me if you lost some weight you would have it going on or they would like to get with me then.  How crazy is that? You can feel the way you want to feel but you do not have to say it out loud. Since I had WLS many people say to husband what are you going to do now she was already cute now she is going to be dangrerous.  My husband aunt said on Saturday to my husband so how are you going to keep all the men off of her when she gets that body together right in front of me like it was a complement. I thought her comment was rude but it was her opinion.

Aunts...

I remember one time years ago my aunt came to visit us and the first thing she said when she saw me was, "Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhh, Sue!!  GIRL, you got fat!!!" 

I wanted to smack her upside the head after the initial shock and embarrassment wore off.  Sometimes people think that getting old gives them a free license to say stupid stuff.

"...Sometimes people think that getting old gives them a free license to say stupid stuff...."

Ooh!!--SO true!!
But you know what?
Tell them about themselves when the situation presents themselves, and I GUARANTEE you, they'll think twice before opening their mouths in that manner again!!

(I SERIOUSLY don't play that "I-have-to-respect-you-'cause-you're-older-even-when-you-say-whatever-you-wanna-say" ****!!)

Slightly different take on this. 

A few months ago I saw a sister who had an absolutely gorgeous face and was dressed in a really stylish outfit.  She also happened to be very heavy and moved like she was uncomfortable.  I have to confess that my mind went there.  Although I'd never say anything hurtful like that out loud to anyone, it occurred to me that if she lost some weight she would look like a model and feel so much better.  It wasn't mean spirited though.  It was just what I was thinking because I know how much losing weight changed my own life.  

its funny because i get that to...and when people heard i had surgery THEN they said "why did you get surgery your beautiful the way you are"... i reply...and me being heathier and smaller is going to ENHANCE my beauty even more...i wasnt offended when people said i have a pretty face because i know its true... i mean its better then them saying "you would look really pretty if you lost weight"... thats just my opinion

I don't like obese men, never have big or small.  They are just not my cup of tea.  I may think he is attractive in the face but that's it. 

So I understand the comment and I can agree with it.  There is probably a better way to say it but I think it's a valid statement.

People like what they like.

LOL!!
I can respect your gangsta, Miz D.

It's refreshing to hear that we have a number of people who are bothered by such comments. I'm actually aware of some that actually accept it as a "compliment"--even then, though--to each their own.

I think it boils down to ones own self-perception/self esteem. Probably.

I've found myself asking individuals to simply listen to what they're saying at times---for a number of reasons. For example: "I'm going to be ALL THAT once I lose this weight/ have my surgery", etc.,

I often wonder (but not for long, since I understand where it comes from)
Is it your weight that stops you from being all that now?
If you, by chance, happen to gain the weight back/not have the surgery does this mean you lose your all that license/are exempt from all that status?

I think that the people that make comments such as those you identified are wrong, yes. But the individuals who have started to believe them also have to take part in some of the responsibility, no? Not for posessing any one physical aspect, but for the MENTAL aspect you've become accustomed to.

...my .02!!!

  Hero I could NOT have it said it better myself HOWEVER not as eloquently as you put it..

Hello, Rhonda...see? I didn't quote you....for once. lol