Relationship question come on in

I think that one cannot force another to grow or change..as everyone else said, one has to WANT to change/grow/evolve.

When I was married, my wife wanted me to change at the same rate she did--that she is five years older than I am perhaps had something to do with it.  For me, I thought I was fine right where I was and would change at my own pace. 

I didn't realize the WANT to change thing until AFTER the divorce.  I had met the person I thought was my soulmate (long story for another time) and knew (or thought) she had her stuff together.  I knew right there and then I had to get my chiot on the ball.  That one realized they have the yearning to change is but the start.

I don't think anyone is already grown, in that change and growth (for those who want to do so) is a constant.  However, I DO believe that once one realizes that he is a work in progress, how far he goes is up to him and / or her.

Very insightful! I guess the question is were either of you wrnog? Was it wrong for her to want you to grow/mature? Was it wrong for you not to be ready?

Because of the fact that people a) have a choice as to whether they want to "grow" or not  and b) if there IS growth, it is done at different rates, can anyone really be wrong? 

The problem, I guess is that in most relationships, most people want their mates/ spouses to be just like them in terms of goals (or lack thereof), ideas, etc.  In a perfect world it would happen this way.  Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.

My opinion was neither of you were wrong but wanted to know what your thoughts were.

D, I agree with most of what you say but am suprised to see you say that no-one is already grown, as I have often seen you post about "Boys pretending to be men" and agree with those posts whole heartedly.

When I say already grown, I don't mean having done all the growing he is going to do.  But I mean already be a grown man.  Have goals and ambitions, and keep striving for growth.  Needless to say I am not a very YOUNG woman anymore and I had boyfriends as a girl.  I am a woman and need a MAN for my next meet.  Not someone playing dress up as a man. 

People hurt you because f three things 1)They don't know 2)They can't help it or 3)They don't care.

For example, If at my job I'm late there are three reasons why 1)I don't kow you have a problem with my being late 2)I have daycare issues and I'm late or 3)I don't care about being late. But if my supervisor come to me and said  if you don't start getting to work on time you're fired. He hasn't told me I'm fired but he has given me some choices.
  1)I now now its an issue so I need to either make it to work or get fired
2)I need to either rearrange my daycare or get fired
or
3) I need to start caring or get fired.
My boss didn't force me to do anything he came to me and told me I need A or else B is going to happen.  So there's my choice. Period

Same thing in a relationship
 1) You didn't know that I needed that
2)You don't know how to give me that or
3)YOu don't care if I need that

Soooooooo
1)You give me that or I leave
2) You learn how to give me that or I leave
3)You start caring about what i need or I leave

I haven't forced  that person to do anything you I gave you a choice.

Ms. Brenda I feel ya and I think that's one of the disadvantages of getting married in your early 20's because you haven't developed into the person that ou're going to be so its like your demon setteling (From the movie The Golden Compass) and you keep shifting and changing and don't really know what you're going to settle in yet so you think that after we buy the house r the kids come and before you know it you 40 and miserable because the other person is still acting like they did when you first met.

Whatever D you been married before don't just be watching!

I answered, ur highness. 

Sawwy page hadn't refreshed