OT: Ungrateful Kids

You know it took years for me to understand what was really going on. 
All She ever wanted was her Daddy back.  In her mind I was the reason he was gone.  I was young and also trying to get my head back together after a very hard relationship and I really thought that giving her anything a little girl could want was enough. 

She could have gone without so much stuff and never even noticed it.  What she needed more than anything was the love and support from both her parents and I could not give her that.  She hated any man in my life and gave my new husband hell because HE was not who SHE wanted him to be, her Dad.

Fast forward 19 years - she was trying to make it on her own.  Mimmicking what she "thought" she saw me do.  Well, I guess I made it look to easy.  She never saw my sacrifices, she never saw me rob Peter to pay Paul, She figured that as a child she had Everything she ever wanted so as an adult she should to.  OOOOOPS - that comes AFTER you pay your bills darling ~ she did not get that memo.  Anyway, she just moved down south with her father.  Hopefully she will finally resolve her Daddy issues, or not.  But she has finally gotten what I could not give her ~ his undivided attention.  I think after all these years It's his turn.  If he had done that from the start she would be much better off today.

I say all that to say that nothing you can buy your sons will ever take the place of THEIR FATHER in their lives.  As mothers we want to fix everything and really, we can not.  If you want to give them the best of everything make sure that their DAD remains an active participant in their lives, no matter what your relationship with him their future is directly tied to it.  I don't feel bad and have not one ounce of guilt about my daughters situation.  I tried to have her father participate in her life.  He chose not to.  Now It's his turn.  I really hope he can help her mend the heart that he broke years ago.

Hey Brenda,

As a single parent for many years...I also overindulged my daughter trying to make up for what Daddy couldnt do or out right refused to do ( in my case ) 

My child was never the type to break her stuff...but she would neglect it.  You know how they play with stuff for a day or two and then just forget about it....still asking for more & more & more every time we went out shopping even to little places like Rite Aid.  I cant tell you how many boxs of crayons & coloring books I have bought over the years just trying to ease the tears. 

Fast forward today...my daughter is 16. In the last 2 years,  my finances have fallen waaaaaay below the bar and I've had to sit down and explain to her that I just cant continue to give her knowing that other things are priority. Has it been hard...yes.....have I had to say it more than once....yes.  But I would like to offer you some hope.....MY daughter has more compassion and understanding for my situation than anyone ever can.  She has stepped up to find work so that she can help me, she has forgone many of the things that she would like right now cause she understands that I just dont have it.  She told me recently when I talked about getting a new place that she would be ok if we were in a much smaller place -  long as we were together.  Cant tell you how many times when we order takeout that she says that we can get one order and share chinese food or what have you.  She has agreed to pay for the premium channels on cable and even her cellphone to lesson the load a bit. Sometimes I can just cry thinking about how understanding she's been of my struggles. Just this past weekend, she said she would take knock off Uggs...cause she understood that the real deals are out of my budget. And that was a tough one for her. 

I'm saying this to say that our kids are only young for a  minute, if you want to give them Christmas or Birthdays that they wont forget  and its within your budget...by all means do it. Long as its done out of LOVE  and no other reason and you teach them to understand the sacrifices that you made to do it cause when and if the times comes that you can no longer do it.....they will be forever grateful for what you did.  I truly feel fortunate that my daughter while she may have been a " bit much"  in her younger years has blossomed into a lovely, supportive, ambitious  young woman.  As she grew her understanding and appreciation for what Ive done has grown as well.

Its possible to create balance in your children's lives -it truly is.  Its just about being honest and setting limits...not so much on them,  but on ourselves.  Take from what  all the mothers on this board have shared and put your own spin on it.  I know that you can do it  !!!!  

  If for no other reason than the response you just gave, I am so grateful for this post.  I am sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your post.  This is sooooo encouraging.  And not to paint just a spoiled brat picture of my kids because they are ooohhhh sooooo loving.  I get kisses all day every day, and we love you momma's all day.  People everywhere comment on how loving my boys are to me each other.  So I think I am teaching them to LOVE which I am MOST proud of!!!!!!

I do pray that should my cir****tance change and I couldn't provide as much in terms of stuff they would demonstrate the maturity and grace that your daughter has.  This has really touched me.   Thank you soooo much for not just passing this post by.  This has touched my heart and you just will not know how much.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

No need to thank me Brenda...just sharing my 2 cents.

Glad it offered you some light at the end of the tunnel.....your sons will turn out just fine....look who they have as an example 

All the best

Don't worry Brenda; your kids sound like the typical 3 and 4 year olds -- they break things!! (all the time).  When my boys were little like that, they use to break stuff while trying to figure out what made it work.  They are too little to really understand how sensitive DVD players can be.

Relax, little kids break stuff and they have short attention spans.

Karen

Thanks fruitful.  I will take that under advisement.  Maybe I worry too much.  I really want them to be well rounded men one day and perhaps that is just consuming me.

Disney has products geared toward toddlers to learn how to share, appreciate their toys, and cleaning up their own mess-toddler responsibility. You should look into those products.

I will.  Do you know if the products are under like a characters line or just general.  I would love that.  They clean their mess (singing Barney, clean up clean up everybody do your share) and I make them help (on their level) with chores.  They are always "helping me" which sometimes messes me up. But if I could find something on appreciation for your stuff that would help reinforce my messages.