OT: Ungrateful Kids

I am sitting here thinking that I may just be raising some pretty ungrateful kids.  My children are still very young (3 and 4) so I am really trying not to read too much into it, but I think they are growing up ungrateful.  Why:  because I broke my neck to give them EVERYTHING they wanted and I wanted for X-mas.  They have shiggidy that they haven't even opened yet, and some of the stuff they have opened is already broke.  My kids ask me for all manner of stuff and for the most part if I can I get it.  Being a single parent its not always easy and I often sacrifice things for myself to get them their needs and their WANTS.  (Thats what my mom did for us and we were very grateful children).  However, when they tear up or disregard their things it bothers me (they have gone through 3 DVD players in their room between September and now).  Perhaps they are too young to know better, but how can I make sure they have a HEALTHY appreciation for what they have. 

O.k., lil momma...you need to come back to EARTH and REALITY...lemme say this...A 3 and 4 year old should never have access to a DVD player (duh....they broke it, cuz they're 3 and 4!!!)  Don't blame the babies, Brenda...it's their mom...you're to blame...you're spoiling TODDLERS...which could lead to them truly being ungrateful later.

It's time you put your foot down before it's too late...reel yourself back in to the fact that YOU ARE THE MOTHER/PARENT in this situation - YOU CONTROL THEM...not the other way around!  You don't make it easy for them - not even at 3 and 4 - to get everything THEY want...what are their needs? Start explaining their NEEDS to them...don't purchase any more items - let them live out what they have.

Begin a rewards program for them....clean up your room...you can play with a new toy...ONCE a month.

It's time you begin setting parameters/borders/limits for your babies before it's too late, my sis.  Also, this may be your way of thinking that you want to ensure they get what they want, especially since dad is no longer living in the house.

O.k., I guess that's all I have to say about that...LOL!

Holla!

DD

You are right sis, and to be honest there have been several times that I have said to myself I want them to have everything that they would if their dad was still home.  Feeling like I didn't want them to suffer because I put their dad out.

Hey Brenda,

Therein lies the problem - you are trying to overcompensate for their dad being out of the house.  However, understand that you cannot "be all" to them - momma, daddy...you are their mom - he is their dad, regardless of the fact that he is out of the house.

Stop feeling guilty about that!  Do what you have to do to parent your babies..and let everything else work itself out.  Your husband messed up - you didn't! 

You know we'll chat about this later...I have some things I can tell you/suggest to you, based on my very own experiences with my sons' absent dad.

DD

Looking forward to it.  You know i am willing to hear it.  And like I said earlier I have to admit in large part I have tried to make sure they don't 'miss out' on any thing because I put his arse out!!! 

Thank you for putting it where i can get it. LOL

Brenda,

Put aside your cyber-anger at me for a second.  :)  

Your children are still young, so they really have no real concept of appreciation.  You may wanna start teaching them from now.  How?  I guess by not being so giving of everything they want.  Some kids seem to think that because you are willing and able to give everything that you MUST be OBLIGATED to give them everything.  They may not express it now, of course, but some do later on.  Set limits.  Let them EARN what you give them.  That they are our children does NOT automatically give them carte blanche to have whatever they want, WHENEVER they want.  You as their mom wanna do good for them, I know, but why spoil them?  It isn't really that they are ungrateful, B...then never learned what it is to be grateful for something.  Now it the time to teach them. 

In terms of going thru three dvd's since September, at 3 and 4 they may not be ready to have/own a dvd.  We take for granted that because they are so commonplace that automatically a young child is gonna be able to take care of it.   Like most toys, kids that age treat them roughly, so, yeah, ur are gonna go thru a lot of dvd players.  My suggestion?  Get inexpensive ones.  You know they're gonna tear it up anyway, so it won't be that big a loss. 

But here's another aspect. 
I was speaking with my ex-wife regarding OUR daughter who's 14.   We've been divorced for nearly 5 years at this point.  She admitted during a non-yellling discussion (lol) that she sometimes over-compensates our kid.  This teenager is lacking for NOTHING from her mom (despite my objections) and gets her pretty much whatever she wants.  My thought? That maybe she feels just a little guilty, not for the divorce, but for the child not being near both parents on a daily basis (I know its confusing).  Or maybe, she may be a bit JEALOUS of our (my daughter and mine's) relationship.   Now, i'm NOT saying this may be the case with you (I, of course, don't know your situation), but maybe (MAYBE) there might be some unconscious overcompensation on your part toward your children, B. 

Just a suggestion. 

Ok.  Back to our regularly scheduled programming of you being cyber-mad at me.  

I let go of my cyber anger, when you cyber apologized, so I am no longer cyber mad at you. LOl

But you are right.  I am buying them the cheap ones, so it doesn't hurt me when they break but it bothers me that they think when they do break it I am just going to buy a new one.  I don't even own a DVD player in my room - but thats because I run the one in the living room.  As to why I bought them, there is only so much Barney and Wow Wow Wuzby I can stand.

B,

The answer is pretty simple: next time they break the dvd player, guess who has to go without one?  one guess: NOT the breadwinner. 

If a child doesn't appreciate something is because, in our willingness as parents to make sure they are happy, sometimes we think they automatically learn to be grateful.   We have to TEACH them to be grateful. 

Think about it:  when you were a child, how did you learn to be grateful?  Its possible you parents taught you be either relating their experiences / hardships as children, or getting you stuff ONLY when you deserved it and when you DID deserve it to not go crazy with the gifts. 

Honestly, my daughter didn't have a dvd player or cable in her room until she was ten or eleven.  It may be an inconvenience to have the only dvd player in the living room and be subjected to Barney and other kiddie shows, but until they are ready, they really shouldn't have a dvd player in their room. 
JMO.

They are going without now, so hopefully they will learn.  I was very grateful as a child.  My parents gave us a whole lot of what we wanted and I appreciated every thing they did and to this day hold my mother in a HIGH place of honor and respect because it wasn't always easy but she always put us FIRST and sacrificed in her dress, her wants and her dreams.  That is another reason why there is nothing I wouldn't do for my mom and you couldn't PAY me to disrespect her in any way shape or form.  Now that I type this I think I got my answer.  Instead of asking the board, maybe I should have asked my momma how is it that she gave us so much but my sister and I are so appreciative of her and all she has done - LOL!!!!

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I have 3 year olds and they have a TV and DVD player in their room.  My husband is removing them today because of what they did last night.  Their TV is mounted on the wall where they can't reach it and the DVD player was on a shelf too high (or so we thought) for them to reach it.  I went in the room last night and the DVD player was swinging from the shelf and the TV was unplugged... They are going bye-bye today.  I feel bad about removing the DVD player because my sister bought it for them.  The TV is a hand me down so I don't feel bad about that. 

I have come to realize toddlers don't appreciate much of anything.  Whatever they didn't open at Christmas was pulled back and will be held until their birthday.