Not A Baby Mama

I usually do not say anything about my private life but I felt your post warranted it.  I had a son at the age of 17 and was gullible enough to marry his father 5 years later.  I then had another son by him and I have since divorced him 10 years ago.  I should have NEVER married him because we were NEVER on the same page. Back then I believed that we should be married and that it needed to be both of us to make the "family unit."  He is not in my son's lives and he does not support them.  I have two intelligent and respectful sons and I am so proud of the both of them.  For me, my having a child at such a young age and not being married has actually made me a better and stronger woman. 

I am not insulting  anyone or looking down on anyone. My question is, if these men are not marriage materials, looking back if you don't even like them, why are you laying down with them? Knowing that the possibility are children. It is a different thing to be young and immature and thinking that this is the person for me and maybe giving in in a moment of weakness, but when grown women keep making the same mistakes again and again. Also this makes me think that if these men are not worthy of marriage or our love, are we just giving up our bodies? Sex no longer has meaning and doesn't go to the most deserving person, who feels the same way about us, but just to anybody? Once again, no insults to anyone, just asking questions.
be blessed.

Everyone's cir****tances are different. I dont' think it has anything to do with MORALS.

Schitt happens and someone having a baby out of wedlock or having 2 baby daddies does not make them less than a woman or an individual.

What makes them less is having dem babies and not mothering them (by that I mean raising, guiding, loving).

A real woman knows she doesn't need a man to be a successful parent, and a real man knows he is supposed to be a father REGARDLESS! (by that I mean no matter how stupid you baby momma is....it's not about HER or YOU....it's about your offspring).

Lets get real and not fool ourselves. If a child didn't need a father, then a woman would be able to bear a child by herself. In an ideal situation a father compliments the mother and they parent together. Yes a real woman knows that it is ideal to have both parents involved in the the child's life. That is how God and nature intended it. Just because many of us are not experiencing this does not mean to go ahead and make it seem alright my brandishing our woman power. it is okay to say yes this is not ideal, but we will do our best and that our children will come out right. A good man in the home with a good woman is ideal. But  many a single woman and man have raised and continue to raise well adjusted, excellent human beings.

many blessings

I'm not fooled (I know you are generically speaking but I can only respond for me). I am married, with two children (married to their father).

YES, a two-parent stable (by that I mean no fighting and schiit) is the best ideal household for a child. A two parent household is awesome. My kids live in one.

HOWEVER, if a person is married or living with a baby daddy/baby momma and the schitt is all ****** up, I still hold by:  THAT WOMAN --a REAL WOMAN knows that she doesn't need him to raise her child successfully and HE, A REAL MAN knows he will be a father to his child regardless!

I'm not fooled, I'm schooled! ~child of divorced parents after 25 years and 10 years old....been with husband for 15 years this coming June~ Hello

well congratulations on your situation. However, you just reiterated what I said in my email. emphasis on a good man and woman in a household is ideal.
stay blessed.

I am the proud daddy of three children. All three came from my wife.

Never would accept any thing different for myself and my wife. I tell my kids the SAME thing. Especially my daughter.

Not saying I think any less of anyone who has children out of wedlock, I just am saying that I want MY grandchildren to be from a married relationship.

But funny thing is this,,, my wife and I were talking and I realized that I could MUCH better handle my boys getting someone pregnant, than I could my daughter getting pregnant.

Wonder why that makes a difference,,----dont know,, but it does.

Now,, saying all this,, please realize that I most definitely COULD have had children before marriage. Good thing the Good Lord looked out for me.

I admire, ANY and ALL single parents. Especially for doing what they are supposed to do. I could not imagine trying to do it all alone.



Que