Not A Baby Mama

Okay...80-90% of the women I know had childrem prior to marriage, including my mother and excluding my g-mom and her only sister...Not to mention the multiple baby father thing...My ex's mom had 5 kids and 5 baby fathers and my fiance's mom has 4 kids (1 set of twinds) and 3 baby fathers...Now these two woman have kids who are all over 18 and they never married any of the baby fathers...My mother is a whole different story...

I have always said and meant that I would NEVER have a baby without being married...I know that having a husband does not guarantee anything but it was more so because I felt the need to set an example and I always want to be different...I am engaged now and advised my future husband of this prior to getting serious...

What are your thoughts and what do you expect of your children...I am not knocking anyone because children are a blessing regardless and we all can get caught in the moment.

Man - WHATEVER - children are life's SPEED BUMPS...... being a fast azz..... brrrruuuump!!! that's the sound of a kid stopping you in your tracks!!!!

LOL!!

I expect my daugther to roll like me, like MY mama - you have you a rugrat - you take care of you a rugrat - ON YO OWN!!!!!  Don't come to the 'family' looking for handouts - don't take yo azz to WIC looking for assistance - you made that bed - LAY YO FASS AZZ DOWN!!!!! 

Well as a single mom of one child I count my blessings everyday that she is healthy and happy. Even when she is on my nerves like yesterday. I would like to have more children but I absolutely refuse to unless I do have a helping husband. Not just a husband. Because I have plenty of married friends who have children who feel like they mine as well be single because there husbands do not pull their weight around the house and with the kids.  So if he is not down with being a hands on father then I will only have one child.

I believe that the standards you have set for yourself are your standards and no one can knock you for feeling that way. You are living your life the way you see fit. My personal opinion that it serves the child well to have two parents in the house that is sharing in loving and raising that child. So I don't believe you are wrong for wanting that for yourself and your future family. But just be careful with judging women who have not taken the same route as you in life. Everyone has to make their own choices. Its easy to look in someone else's window and say how could she do this and how could she do that and I would never.... But once again you never know what situation you yourself may find yourself in the future.

Bless God!! Someone with morals. These days it's so common to just have a bunch of kids with a bunch of men. You are so right to wait!! I'm glad you told your fiance up front too.

You are correct; there are no guarantees with marriage but at least it's a commitment to you.

I say you...............you go girl.................................

I am the proud farther of three children . They all came after we were married. I always planned to have kids after mariage.  I want my kids to wait for marraige to make kids. But you never know. No judgements here. We all do the best that we can.

Unless you are willing to have an abortion you can NEVER say what you will do...

I NEVER (LOL) intended to have children period.  I was on birth control and had been since I was 18.  At 27 I started getting migraines, my gyn switched my prescription and said "you will be fine, you've been on birth control long enough for this small change not to matter."

So off I go to Mexico on a cruise and came back pregnant.  Never missed a pill.

I actually contemplated an abortion but in a moment of weakness with my son's fathers firm input decided to have a baby with intentions of getting married.  Roughly 4 months into the pregnancy he changed his mind on wanting the child

and here I am a Single Parent, THANKFUL and BLESSED with one Intelligent, Beautiful 5 year old Son.

I NEVER thought I would be a parent PERIOD let alone a Single Parent but you never know what life holds for you.

Unless you are willing to have an abortion you can NEVER say what you will do...

Taw this is why you are my girl. You make so much sense sometimes. What I do not understand for the life of me is how someone can equate having morals to not having children before marriage. No having morals is not screwing (For the BAF moderators) your fiance/boyfriend or jump off before marriage. Because the child is not this sin its what you do to get the kid that is. And as long as you are screwing (For the BAF moderators again) a man you run the risk of pregnancy. And you can never be too sure what that man is going to do. There is a lot of good men out there that are loving husbands and fathers. But there are also a lot out there that decide they do not want the responsibility. So you may get thrust into a situation that you never forsaw yourself in.

  And you are mine for the same reason...SENSE!!!

**pumps fist in air** DATS my dawg!!!!  Holding it down for all the 'unattached ****s'......

You sho right - cause I got my $300 READY if I EVER **** on a stick and get TWO blue lines....... i REFUSE to **** another kid!!!!!!

dats just me........

I was raised believing that you don't have a baby unless you have a husband.  I believed that a long time until I saw how that worked out for me.  I do not have any biological children because I was waiting and waiting for that man to arrive.  Here I am now at age 44 with 3 year olds.  My children are blessings and I love them dearly but I wanted to experience childbirth at least one time.  If I had a child when I was younger and most likely unmarried I would have been able to experience that. 

I heard a lot of stuff growing up.  No kids without marriage... have all your children by one man and etc...etc.  I'm just not hard-line like that anymore. I still think younger women should try to wait a little bit (if possible) and try to get the whole pie and not just a piece of it.   When you are older you got to seriously start compromising on stuff.   

One thing that has stuck in my mind is how men look at it.  How can you not be good enough to marry but you are okay for a baby mama.  What is the level of respect you receive being a baby mama versus a wife or even ex-wife?  There is a marked difference in the level respect given.    I've been to some funerals in recent years and it has been positively chilly in the reception of baby mamas.  Now that I look back at all the things my mom and grandma said it really wasn’t about a moral issue. It was about how some people would treat you…