Deeply Hurt...........

Hello everyone it's been a while since I've been on the forum and generally when I'm here or send blast e-mails its to inspire....Well this time I NEED SOME INSPIRATION. Ok, here goes. ........

I met a wonderful guy, who has every attribute that I like in a man. He's handsome, articulate, professional, communicative and we have a lot in common. We can talk for hours on end about things that matter or anything at all..........Here's the problem. Well I know a number of you have had a chance to see all of my updated pics. From the outside I look like I might be able to try out for America's Next top model...........But UNDERNEATH it's all a LIE.....Sure I look fairly decent in my clothes but I do have the tale tale PANI that is EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE.........

Now I have sorta come to terms with it that until I am able to sergically remove my excess, I am fine and it's merely cosmetic. I'd like to think the the man who I'm involved with SHOULD feel the same way and overlook my imperfections because of the woman I am to him. But recently he shared with me that he does not in fact share that feeling. He contends that I am as close to perfect as a woman as he has ever gotten. But my extra "soft" skin might be a deal breaker. He expresses that he needs time to weigh out whether this is something he can live with.

He has inquired about how much such a thing might cost to "fix" this issue but at the same time expresses that if I do get the plastics then I then still not be physically his type.....He prefers me at the size and shape that I am, however I'm a bit too SOFT for him. Unfortunately I don't think what's left can be tightened by exercise alone and I will NEED plastics. I currently don't have any insurance and it's no way conceivable anytime that I may be able to afford this. My thought is he should take me as I am or nothing at all...That if he cannot see the person I am and is willing to take his chance looking for Ms. Perfect, then he should do just that.

But he asked me not to give up on him, to give him time to think about what he wants to do. He says that he really feels that his loss would be far too great to let it end over something cosmetic, but at the same time He knows what he's attracted to.....OBVIOUSLY NOT ME.....Does anyone have any advise here on what I should do?  I really like this man and can see myself with him permanantly.....He has expressed the same things to me. But this may be his deal breaker.........

hey honey first I will say he should over look all of that if he really cares about you but at the same time at least he is honest with you. I pray that all goes the way you want it to but just remember that you are a beautiful person and regardless of how you look underneath your clothes you are still and always will be beautiful its hard when you are feeling someone and have to go thru things such as this my prayers are with you that all will go the way you want it to

I wonder how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.  In other words what if it were him and he had the "skin" sounds like he is "molding" you.  no one is perfect and do not sell yourself short because you have come a long way baby. If that is the "worst" thing about you that you are a "softie" he should be grateful.

Wow......Wow again...... Although, it is always easy for the person on the outside to give advice, without being in that persons shoes....BUT since you ask.... I would tell him to kiss my "imperfect azz" and RUN the other direction.... The NERVE of some people... SMH.... Even IF you end up with the "PERFECT BODY", I am SURE it will be something later on down the line...... HONESTLY, he is really "verbally abusing" you BUT in a punk azz way...... What he "doesn't" love about you BELIEVE ME someone is waiting to love ALL of you behind door #2 and #3.......

Really? Wow!  On one hand I think at least he was up front and honest, but on the other hand you realize if he decides to stay with you always in the back of his head he will have that "out" in case he were ever to cheat on you.  You sound like a sister that has it pretty much well together and loves yourself and if in your shoes I would cut and run.   No one person is ever going to be 100% of what you are looking for, but if he places physical attributes above all the other aspects that truly make you, you-then that says alot about him and is that someone you really want to build a future with?

I have had the song Unpretty by TLC in my head all day today....and I don't even know why...it isn't like I even heard it in awhile.  I am led to believe I was to share it with you...stranger things have happened, right? Anyway, I copied a section out of the lyrics and I am pasting it here for you.  You take what you need from it.  

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me (hey)

OK...I just had to comment on this one...drop him and drop him fast!

I have 2 similar stories from my past.  I've always struggled with my weight.  On two separate occasions, involving 2 separate men, during a couple of my "thin" phases, I mentioned my battle with weight.  I was being honest because I know for many men, physical appearance is important to them.  Both men (who did not know each other) had the nerve to say they would leave me if I ever gained the weight back again.  The incidents occurred a couple of years apart.  I was so shocked, I didn't say anything.

After the second man said that to me, I vowed if anyone ever had the nerve to say that again, I would simply get up and let them know I would save them the trouble, then walk out on them!

I never got the chance to do this.  Instead, I met a wonderful man (again, during one of my "thin" phases), and when I mentioned my battle with weight he simply said he had dated overweight women in the past, and weight wasn't an issue for him!

We've been married going on 13 years now, and I've gone through more struggles with my weight (I'm back to the thin phase again, but plan to keep it that way for health reasons).  While my husband has teased me about my weight when I was heavy, I've never doubted  his feelings for me.  He's thin as a rail, can eat anything he wants to and never gains weight!

You will find someone who deserves you and loves you for who you are.  If this man can't accept a little soft skin, to hell with him!  If it's not the skin, it will be something else.  Drop him and move on!  It'll be his loss!

OMG...I posted something about my fiance a few weeks ago and take it all back...We were having issues at the time and I was going through it...I have never in my life met a man that literally loved me for me...I can stand naked in front of him (pre-op) with all my saggy body parts and he would just smile and walk over and touch me as if I am Halle Berry...It was this way from the beginning of our relationship...He is a nice looking man and can have just about any woman he desired...It is nothing like having a man that appreciates you for your flaws and all...I expressed my appreciate to him because that is hard to find...If he feels that he can be with you premanently but that is the deal breaker than you should just break the deal... God forbid if you had cancer and lost your hair or had an accident and became disfigured... Would he then decide that you are not living up to his expectations...You deserve better.

Hey there,

From a man's point of view, i'm here to tell you that if he is TRULY into you, he won't care about the excess; for he would be into you for YOU not for what you looked like. 

If he has to "think about what he wants to do.." that tells you what the deal is, truly.  There shouldn't be any thinking.   If you want to be with someone, you accept ALL those "imperfections".  No "Ifs", "and's" or "buts"