Internet Dating

I don't know if any of you will remember me or not, but I am back and I remember Mack Mama.  I had the gastric sleeve and I was here a few months almost a year.  I have maintained an 83 lbs weight loss for 1.7 months and trying to loose 15 lbs, though a guy friend told me would not be a good idea with me being 54 yo.

Anyways, I am disappointed with internet dating.  I have met more men who seem to think that women are desperate or maybe they are desperate for sex.  If they think I am desperate, it shows by their behavior, down right below standards.

Or maybe, I need to play catchup with the rules of dating. 

I went out with one, he paid for dinner; I did not like him from the the start.  He chose to talk about which woman in the restaurant he could go home with.  He did not bother to tell me one of hips were eroded and he would be getting a hip replacement; me, I decided to repay him with a Thanksgiving Dinner.  Here again, if my son and his friend left, he decided to startup about sex again.  I ushered him out of my home and stoppped returning his calls.

Some friends has since then told me that you never invite a man to your home.  It means that you are willing to have sex or be intimate.  Not.  I think not and if that is what they think, I am SO far behind in the dating game, I am beginnig to be concerned about getting left behind.

I have spent time building my esteem and not taking the crap that I took when I was 30, 40's, even.  Now that I think I am all of that, men want you to drop your pants on the first date.  I can't.  I willl not.

I was on  a date last night and I thought it went quite well.  He even asked first, whether we would see each other again.  I went with him to CNN.  He took me to house, bought wine and we watched : Meet Dave, then he wanted to kiss.  I dd not feel comfortable kissing him.  He touched me on my thighs and I told him did I feel comfortable.  He stopped.  I opted to go home after the movie.

He called me "sweety "as he walked me to the door.  I did not like it and I told him, "no don;t call me that, it's patronizing," and I somehow felt that he did not like that.  HE DID  not like it, first b/c he had paid for an expensive dinner and next, b/c I did not  kiss him nor did I let him touch me,  I did not have sex with him.

I could not do that, the woman I am, today.    I want a relationship and I don't want to sleep with a stranger on the first night of meeting him.  I am not second guessing me, but if this is what women are doing or this is what men think of women internet dating or if this is how much we have been reduced to, how little rather, to a sex object, we are trouble.

I am saddened by my experiences, or maybe it is that I have not ran in the perfect guy for me.

First of all - welcome back! 

Second - sorry to hear you are saddened by your experience - but it's typical........SOME men are like that - and contrary to popular opinion - there are OLD fools out there.

you will have to kiss MANY frogs to find your prince, my dear - no rhyme or reason to it, it just is what it just is. 

But do some fun things just for YOU!  Stop looking at dating as a chance to meet the ONE - look at it as a free meal and MAYBE some convo.......

you gon be aiight - stop going to houses tho!!!  

Geez, I wish I could provide you with more insight, but being new to the game myself especially since surgery has been difficult. Prior to surgery, I honestly didn't date a lot because of the men I have dated in the past were disappointing.  I know that if you do bring a man to your house or vice versa he is looking for SEX. Bull**** if anybody else tells you otherwise. In the house is a warm bed, and in that bed they want to feel warmth! SHIOT! 

I have done the internet dating, Blacksingles, Blackplant, and the infamous Eharmony. I did met a nice Professional guy from Eharmony but he had lost his xgirlfriend due to surgery and was still batttling with her death. So, in the end it didn't work out. Otherwise, I don't think I would go that route again.

Is that the CNN restaurant in ATlanta? Nice spot. In closing, I concur with your comments that, "I am not second guessing me, but if this is what women are doing or this is what men think of women internet dating or if this is how much we have been reduced to, how little rather, to a sex object, we are trouble."

I really shy away from the house thing, them going to mine or me going to theirs.  But each cir****tance yields different results.  I would say lay out the ground rules upfront.  No sex on first date, not looking for a hit it and quit it, etc. So you all are on the same page.  I jokingly said one, that prostitutes aren't doing well because too many biotches giving it up free.  That is true.  But make your own rules and stick too them.  I challenged myself to make sure I didn't have sex too soon and it worked.  Good luck to you.

Welcome back. 

Firstly, no, there aren't any new rules to dating.  There are, jackasses out there that believe the 'net is nothing more than a computerized booty call.  There are also men out there who actually believe that they may actually find THE ONE for them through these means. 

In truth, internet dating is no different from regular dating; oftentimes, its really easy for someone to hide their true colors upone first meeting them.  Further, there are always going to be those who want to put sex before a relationship...this occurs with both genders.

I say to just enjoy yourself and not TRY to find THE ONE.  When God deems you and he are ready, you two will be bought together. 

I'd tell you of my recent experience with internet love, but I don't want Mack Momma throwin' up on me again. 

Suffice it to say that its not all bad.  But, in the future, stay away from the houses UNLESS a) you've known him and its been established that going there DOES NOT MEAN ur a booty call and b) you are comfy with him. 

 

 

D, despite the mini puke at you "own experience with Internet love". I agree whole-heartedly.  LOL.

 

'internet love'?????



LOL!!!!  Actually, D - I met my sweetie online over 7 years ago.  There's something to be said for it - but not anything different from real life - so I agree with you homie! 

I'm sorry about your experiences.  I haven't been really into dating period.  I tried internet dating in the past and um found it to be interesting.  


1. The first dude seemed legit.  He was a college professor, owned his own land, and was building a house.  I never let him into my home though.  I wasn't really attracted to him but he was really nice so I talked to him and went out on one date.  The next day I talked to him he asked me what I was doing, I told him watching tv then the negro says, I wish I could be there with you on the couch spooning...alrightie then I lost his number.  Oh and he had a breathing problem...it's like he snored while he was awake.  He said no one had ever said anything to him about it

2.  Didn't look anything his picture and decided to send me text messages throughout the movie at the theater.  Um yes I shot that down real fast.

I'm living in a city where I don't know too many people so I have a hard time meeting people.  I was thinking after I recover from surgery I'll actually do a paying internet dating site like eharmony and hopefully meet some guys who are serious.

I have met some duds but I have also met some great guys on the net.  Every date is just not going to be the one, but I say keep kissing frogs until you get to your prince.

First off, Welcome back. Michael here.

My apologies for your most recent experiences. Don't give up the fight.
You stated that it may be possible that you might need to "...play catchup with the rules of dating".

There ARE no "rules of dating". None that you need to refer to, per se.

The only rules that exist are the ones that YOU create and adhere to.
...and by the looks of things, you're doing quite well.

You know what you do and don't want--stick to it.
If you were to find out that "the rules" called you to acept the behaviors that you're running into, that MIGHT have you entertain the thought of settling.

What good would that be?

You're doing FINE. Don't settle for what you don't want and don't give up.
Please don't let these experiences cause you to throw in the towel. You WILL have to kiss a few toads, unfortunately.

(and Mack is my girl and all, but PLEASE don't look at it as a "FREE MEAL".)

Mack, I'm gonna kill you!!

Best of luck to you, Goddess2.