Relationship stuff...need advice

My ex is really pressed on being friends. I've tried it and sometimes it works. Sometimes I can forget that we had just signed on to purchasing a new house and I had picked out every tiny detail like the cabinets and wall color. I can forget about the civil cermony we were planning and all of the resorts and wedding magazines I checked out. I can even forget about the plans we made to start a family in 2009 but only for a moment. Then I'm filled with anger when I remember how all of this was thrown out of the window and how she forced me to heal by myself from my surgery after cheating on me with someone I thought she was just friends with. Someone we went to church with and now I can't even go back to that church. And for anyone who knows anything about LGBT, it's hard to find a good church that accepts you.

She's so wants us to be friends and I think its just so she can feel better. And I wouldnt give her my friendship if we hadnt moved to a new place where I know no one. I'll take any advice to getting over her. ANY ADVICE! I just want her out of my life but every time I push her out...she calls or text and I forget again for only amount just to have the vicious cycle start all over again. :(

Hmmm.....not good.  Unhealthy relationships are one reason to revert back to old habits.  You have just made a major decision in your life to become a better, healthier you.  The fact that she was not there during this time should have given you some clarity.

And why can't you go back to church?  It is their shame, not yours.  If you have a found a church home, stay there and get your praise on.

You say everytime you forget about her, she reappears....you know why?  Because you ALLOW her to.  Change your number.

I know all of this is easier said than done, but I pray that you will get the strength to be done with it once and for all.  There are much better things in store for you.

So much truth...its funny it's not like rocket science but I'm making it out to be. Youre right the fact that she wasnt around during my surgery should've been a sign right there in itself. That shouldve been a sign that this is my new life and I'm moving forward without her. A newer healthier me. Its just going to take time.....

and I did change my number...only to turn around and give her the new number...like an idiot.

Tennille....Honestly I dont normally do the whole thing of giving advice on the matters of the heart.  However....I know all too well your situation. Sweetie...if you're not open to figuring out what whent wrong... and why what happened..happened...and you're simply not interested in an attempt at reconcile....there isnt much I, or anyone else can tell you...other than to tell her that you need time, tim for you, time to heal. Considering your surgery date....I'm guessing that this is a recent split.  Obviously you loved her....still love her.  Its impossible to intimately (espicially two women) share the time and space that I'm guessing(by your future plans) the two of you did,  then due to unfortunate cirr****tances all of a sudden turn your feelings for a person inside out.  The pain we as women feel espicially in our lifestyle...its one that only time can heal.

Maybe someday you'll be able to just be...friends..tha is!  For now you just may need to love her....from a distance!! While working on you.

We were together for 5 years...so I guess I'm just going to have to let this heal. I cant believe how much it hurts. I feel like I did so much growing while with her only to have it snatched away. Originally I didnt want to have this surgery but my weight started to become an issue and it seem like the only choice. I thank God for this website because otherwise I would've made a huge decision for all of the wrong reasons.

Thanks for the advice :)

I think you need a little "ME" time. She just wantrs to be friends because it will ease her guilt.

Me time sounds good and I'm tired of easing her guilt. She deserves to feel guilty. :)

Don't feel bad shawty, let her move on b/c that anger is going to turn into resentment and only bring back some of those old habits that most likely put you in a situation of needing surgery. Let her move on and if she trully loves you she'll let you do that. If she continues to not understand how hurt you are and how devastated you are from this then she trully doesn't love you.

Move on, get you a gym membership and whenever the urge to talk to her comes up go work out. Keep that thought of what she did to you on your mind and every time it comes across go work out.

Don't let no one keep you from praising his name and where you praise his name at. Your church is yours and it should only be harder for her to deal w/ as shes you progressing in life and where she could have been w/ you.

So many people have pointed out that this can push me back in to old habits. I need to be careful with that because I do immediately have the urge to eat when I feel down. This healing process....with my heart and health...its a lot more mental than I could have ever imagined. If I think I can get over it...I can.

My advice: First go back to the church if that is where you feel comfy....don't let her take that from you.

Breakups are NOT easy...but WE CANNOT allow a person to take our pride, our dignity....we can HURT, we can CRY, but in the end, in order to move forward, you have to FORGIVE....you have to LET IT GO!  If not, you are allowing HER to harbor control over you! Don't give her that.

Friends?! Baby, you are still hurting and healing....a friendship right now...will not help that process. I would tell her, LOOK, maybe in time, but right now it's about me....respect that!

Don't show anger....don't show hurt....show PRIDE and DIGNITY.