OT...First date advice...how to not go into sex (talk or act)

Ok, as many of you know since my separation I have been actively dating.  And while I have had some interesting encounters, I really think we get into sex too soon.  Either talking about it or doing it and after you go there it pretty much seems like its all about sex. 

Well, I am meeting a "blind date" well semi-blind because we exchanged pics online etc.  but the convo has been really good.  Lots of laughter, joking, a lot in common.  I am kind of excited about the possibility because he seems like a solid dude, but here is the thing I don't really know how to act...

Seriously, I think I have a lot of sex appeal (more so than beauty) and that it comes across.  I don't want to talk about sex.  I sure as hell don't want to do it, but I fear that things may take that direction.  While I am actively dating other people, I think there may be an oppt for something real with this dude (surface perfect for now).  I don't want to make same mistakes.  I think I am being silly, but honestly lately I think all I have to talk about is the job (which is not a good discussion right now), the kids, and sex because I love it so...LOL.

HELP!!!!!!

Hmmm - that's an interesting one.  Do you really think that you close the door on something more permanent if you do talk about it or do it?  And if you think you close the door - is that because of what YOU think about it or what HE honestly thinks???

Actually - I think it is better to talk about it sooner rather than later so you know exactly what his views on it are - and you can really go from there - on the same page, rather than second guessing or thinking you shouldn't go 'there' or whatever.

I always like to put shiot on the table - I can't do the guessing game thing.....

I don't know that I close the door, but when we go THERE, it seems like all the conversation is about THAT!  I am saying this because a couple of the dudes I have been with since being seperated.  Its like with all of them we dated before sex  and after sex thats all they wanted to do.  Like hey can I come over or can you come over and I am like damn I still like to do stuff other than fugging all the damn time.  It has been a consistent theme since my marriage ended.  Plenty of dates, give em the puddin all we talk about or do.  Most of my meaningful dates are with exes or new guys pre-sex.

Hmm - well - you gotta point there then......

By all means - keep the xes out till you think you are at a stable point - but did you make it clear or ask any of the other guys why things changed? 

Nope I just dropped them.  Still get calls and request but I am always too busy or don't respond.  I know that is not handling things the right way, but I just shut em down. 

I challenge you to open the communication to find the reason.  You'd be surprised at how stupid men can be - they MAY think that's the way YOU want things - they may just be doing what they can get by with until you challenge them.....

my BF ain't know he had to step up his game until I informed him of the issue...... jus sayin - they ain't telepathic - hell, some of em can't even read writin..... LOL!!!

Brenda,
If you are just looking for that common "I wanna go buckwild after the failed marriage thing", then, by all means, do the sex as a first resort thing.  However, if you are looking for a new relationship (in my opinion, going from one relationship to another right after a failed marriage is fool's gold-trust and believe, both scenarios happened with me-more on the following upon request-lol).

I you are looking for sex only, I say go for it.  If looking for a relationship, the mistake that people usually make is jumping into bed, and not knowing really much about the person except the surface stuff.  If the sex happens to be good/great/excellent, suddenly its "That's my man/woman-ville", thinking its "love". 

What you choose, B, depends on what you want out of it.

So, D, are you saying that it's impossible to be in a long term relationship if you start out in the bedroom earlier than whatever this imagined timeline is?

 

Im saying that most relationships continue the way they start out.  If you fugg the person on the first date, MM, what do you know about that person?  How often have u seen ppl who get the johnson or the punanny, suddenly think they are in "love", then find out the dude/woman is an ass and wanna blame the person? 

I feel you.... sorta.  Now, if the mofo jumps into the 'love' thang right after THAT thang... then yea - it's jacked.

HOWESOMEVA...... I think if approached RIGHT by two HONEST and GROWN people - it can be done......

problem is the HONEST and GROWN part..... LOL