HELLO O.H. FAMILY NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone, my name is cecelia, and I am writing my o.H. Family today, because I am having some issues at home with my kids. my children are older kids there not baby's there agas are 21, 19,18,and 17. Three girls and one boy the boy is the youngest.I have raised my children on my own. And have been married for 13 years. My husband is there stepdad? O.K. I know that I'm going to get slammed with this but o.K. I from the beginning told my husband that I would be a mother and a father to my children only cause I didn't want anyone to miss treat my kids so, that was my reason. But? Now I regret! Now that they are all grown, because my children and my husband have all gotten along until they all got older. There additudes changed and have made it really hard for me and my husband. I have a grandson now, he is my life! I would do just about anything for him. He's my 19 year olds baby. Ok. Here we go!!!!! Now my daughter that has the baby just can't seem to get her s*** together and the baby's dad is an idiot stupid f*** thats no good for nothing. Yah? He's young but that doesn't make any excuse why he can't support his son. Me and my daughter get into it all the time. Because he is a worthless peace of nothing and my daughter relies on me and my oldest daughter to help her with everything when it comes to the baby.I try and I try to get everything my grandchild needs so does my oldest daughter. But ok. Were in the h*** is this a** hole when my grandson needs things. I have my daughter here living with me so that she could finish school but I have come to the conclusion that that is not going too happen as long as she has this boy in her life I am seriously thinking on giving up my house and moving away. It seems that all my kids want to act grown but the still act like little kids? Know what mean? I am so tierd of them just wanting to do what they what to do! I just bought my house last year in feb, its a 6 bedroom 35 hundred square feet home. I bought it with the intention of my kids finishing school and all end up getting good jobs from there. And so that my grandson would be able to be raised in a big and loving home. But now I'm not so sure if I made the right choice.Please o.H. Family if anyone can give some good advice I would really appreciate it! Oh yah! I forgot to say that I have also have brought this to the attention on the baby's daddy so it's not like he doesn't know this he know's how I feel about him but he acts like just doesn't care.But? I do blame my daughter cause she alouse it. Thanks everone for hering my vent I really needed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I "hear" a few things going on in your post. If you disagree with my observations, that is ok. I hear that you have very young adult children who are not ready to leave your nest, but want the advantages of adulthood like staying out late and dating who they want. I get the sense that you love your kids powerfully but perhaps have endulged them a bit and maybe have had lax or inconsistent limits for them. Because of the lax/inconsistent limits, they want to make their own decisions, but not take the full responsibility for those decisions (ex, getting pregnant at a very young age and not really have the means to care for the baby on their own). You also say you just bought a whopping big house with 6 bedrooms but you wish the kids would move out. This is a very mixed message you are sending to the kids. If you didn't intend for them to stay with you for a longer period of time, why do you and your hubby need 6 bedrooms? I'm sure the kids feel that such a large house invites them to stay on. As for the grandkids father, as useless as he may be, he will always be the baby's dad and you will have to make some sort of peace with him. He is just 19 and not totally mature (neither is your daughter, the baby's mom). It is unfair for the baby to grow up in an atmosphere where he/she hears only negative comments about his parents, however well founded. So what to do? I certainly don't have all the answers,but it occurs to me that you need to communicate clearly and consistenly what you want and expect from the kids (ie, curfews, house chores, jobs, school,etc) and stick to your guns. If you want your daughter to be more responsible for the baby, then you must stop bailing her out and co-parenting your grandchild. If you want the kids to move out of the house, then make sure they are in school to finish HS or college, get a part time job and have savings accounts to pay for an apartment. Stop giving them extra spending money (if you do) that they can waste on frivolous items. Hope this helps a bit This response was not meant to be a criticism of you at all, just my observations. Good luck.

Hi K.B. THANKS FOR RESPONDING, I JUST HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME DEALING WITH MY KIDS. THEY DON'T SEE THAT I DO ALOT FOR THEM AND I GO WAY OUT OF MY WAY SO THEY CAN LIVE A BETTER LIFE. MY DAUGHTER THAT HAS THE BABY IS THE ONE THAT I AM REALLY HAVING A PROBLEM WITH SHE IS SO IRISPONSABLE SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE OF WHAT SHE WANTS IN LIFE. WE GO AT IT SOOO MUCHTHERE ARE EVEN TIMES THAT I WILL PULL HER ASIDE AND WE HAVE A REALLY GOOD TALK, I FINELLY FEEL LIKE IV'E MADE SOME PROGRESS THEN BAM! ITS LIKE WE HAD NEVER TALKED. I'M AFRIAD THAT SHE IS GOING TO GET CAUGHT UP! HER BOYFRIENDS FAMILY ARE ON WELFARE AND THE MOM REALLY KNOWS HOW TO WORK THE SYSTEM. SHE EVEN HAS HIM AS A.D.D. SHE RECIEVES MONEY FOR HIM I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT HE NEEDS IT BUT HIS MOTHER HAS HIM SO MINIPULATED THAT ITS REDICULOUS. I REALLY THINK THAT, THATS THE REASON HE DOESN'T WORK. ANYWAY I THINK THAT I JUST HAVE TOO LET MY DAUGHTER GROW UP WEATHER IT BE THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD WAY IT HAS TOO BE HER CHOICE. I CAN ONLY HELP HER IF SHE WANTS THE HELP RIGHT? WHAT I CANT STAND IS THAT WHEN SEE IS SUPPOSE TO BE IN SCHOOL SHE WILL MAKE IN EXCUSE TO NOT GO THAT DAY. JUST SO THAT SHE CAN BE WITH HER BOYFRIEND.I DO TO MANY THINGS FOR HER THAT SHOULDN'T DO. MAYBE ITS TIME FOR TOUGH LOVE. THANKS AGAIN FOR HEARING ME OUT.