Holding my thoughts in!!!

I started this job I am on post-op and no one here knows I had WLS, and frankly it's a personal thing and none of their business. Anyway, well, a co-worker was talking to me today about her PCOS and she is getting depressed researching it online and the fear of uterine cancer. She knows losing weight will help, but she just has too many other things going on in her life right now (mom just died, dad has alzheimers, sibling drama, plus her family, etc.). She eats fast food every day here at work, and I don't know, I just think she reminds me of me pre-op. It's so sad. Thing is, yeah, I've lost 115 pounds or so, but I still have another 100 pounds to go so it's not like I can sit here and give her advice. Plus, when it comes to weight loss advice, it's moot because everyone whose overweight or obese knows they need to lose weight. Duh. It's just not always easy, otherwise none of us would be here. Anyway, I just had to get it out. Maybe when I am at or near goal I will share that I had WLS, but I truly believe that WLS is a very personal thing. People who haven't had it or experienced it through a loved one or friend don't get it. It's unexplainable to people because they immediately have a "cop out" mindset. I told my co-workers at my previous job that I was having WLS, but now it's very personal and sacred to me and I will only share with people that I am close to or people like you who "get it"! Thanks for being here!! Trisha Down 115 lbs since March PhoenixWLS Support Group Leader http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PhoenixWLS/ "You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."

Funny, I'm exactly the opposite. I'll tell a light pole I had wls surgery if it stands still long enough! I guess the gift of my life back has been so amazing I want to spread it around as much as I can. I figure if I insult someone here or there with my overtness, they'll get over it, but most of the people I speak with about my journey seem pretty fascinated. However we play it, I guess the most imprortant thing is that we just enjoy the ride. - Stephanie J

Know EXACTLY what are dealing with. I am in the same situation. I have changed jobs (actually states, moved from CA) and no one knows I had surgery. Most know I have lost weight because they see pictures of me on my desk from before but I just tell them how hard I have worked to lose the weight. They do not need to know that I had help. One co-worker keeps saying that she needs to lose weight and I give her tips on what she can change that will help. No fast food, protien based meals, excerise. So maybe when your co-worker starts talking about her weight, just tell how hard you work at it every day. She doesn't need to know about the surgery, since it is just a tool to help us, she can do the same things you do and see results. Maybe suggest walking together at lunch, if you are able, or planning your meals together so she can see what you eat. Melissa

Unfortunately, Melissa, you're being deceptive when you do that and reinforcing societal myths and prejudices that people can lose weight on their own and keep it off without surgical intervention. If you're giving advice to someone who is morbidly obese that doesn't include the surgery as part of the advice, you're shafting that person the same way the whole megabillion dollar diet industry has done to all of us over the years. Even if that person is only overweight, the most likely outcome of dieting advice is that the person will lose a little weight and then put back on even more than what he or she just lost. The reality is (National Institutes of Health statistics), that person will have about a 3% chance of following your advice, getting the weight off and keeping it off, whereas you have a 75% to 85% chance of long term success having had the surgery. I don't mean to slam you, but being quiet about the whole thing is one thing. Passing on bad advice which makes you look like a model of willpower and sets the next person up for failure, is not such a good thing. You can talk about behavior modification all you want, but that tool is the only reason you made it and not giving credit to that tool when advising others is dishonest. Just my not so humble opinion. Take care. - Stephanie

I tell everyone and anyone. People are going to think what they want anyway. I didn't make a big announcement of my wls, but I was honest with anyone who asked and was open with my staff. I work for a very large organization and found out later that during the first 6 months after surgery, rumors of my cancer/anorexia/cocaine addiction were running rampant with those not in the know. lol A year and a half later, no one could care less how I lost the weight and my larger self is a distant memory for most. I always share the good and the bad because I'm so grateful to the people who shared their stories with me when I was researching. I went to support groups and joined all sorts of on line groups and heard plenty of horror stories of infections, nicked bowels, strictures, foaming and all the other things that are not so nice. The one thing that kept me going was that no matter what kind of complications someone had, they always said it was worth it in the end. If those folks hadn't been so generous in their sharing, I don't know that I would have had the courage to go through with this. I respect your right to keep this to yourself; it is a deeply personal decision. I choose to share because I want to counter-balance all the horror stories there are out there about wls and let people know that not everyone has a tough time of it. I want to share that it is not the easy way out, that you gain your weight back if you don't change your old habits and that it takes courage and determination. I tell people that all wls did for me was even the playing field, the rest was up to me. Connie