I miss my mom!

Hugs big brother.  This is definately the worst thing we have been through yet together huh? The one thing I know mom is seeing is us all pulling together.  I keep thinking I am trying to do my part but its too little too late and that hurts a lot.  Eventually I believe we will get to know and see that she is ok.  I want so badly to have a dream of her and two nights later I haven't.  Hopefully tonight.  I am here at work and soo don't want to be.  I feel like my working took so much time away from everyone because of the hours.  Anyways, I love you and Tammy and Noelle.  Let me know when she works out the airplane ride to heaven cuz I am still ready for the flight.  It was such a sweet thing to say and I think on Saturday we should buy a bunch of ballons with notes on all of them and send them up.

Samantha

Last night I was crying... Noelle asked why and I told her that I miss Nana.  She said daddy make your heart stop working for minute so you can see her.....  Then he said I will fix your heart so you can come home and be with me.   It just amazes me how little kids minds work.  It is just so awsome.  It hurts but make me feel better at the sametime.

Today she was in the bath with me.  She asked if Nana is in heaven above clouds.  I said yes but its so high we cannot see her.  She then put her hands around her eyes to make binoculars and said she can see her.  She then told me to do it too.  I AM SO GLAD that see can see her!  Somehow I think see can. 

I went to the mall today because my little girl needed shoes. It was very hard. When sitting in the food court I kept looking at the table where I sat the last time at the mall. We all sat there for lunch. I keep remembering all these little things and it hurts.

BTW all Thank for all the kind words. It does help. Right now it is easier for me to type this all then talking. I get all choked up taking.

Also today I had to goto the Apple Store.  My mom and I both had iPhones and she had been having alot of issues with hers.  I know that she would want it fixed and we never got to it.  I also know that my sister (Samantha) should have mom's iPhone.  I had an appointment today that I missed because of traffic.  I got there like 40mins late.  They do not help you without appointments and they are ALWAYS very busy.  Oh well I heard them call for someone.  The person did not come up so I went to the apple guy and told him why I was late and about my mom.  I said he will help me.  Thank god.  I will tell you that exchanging my moms iPhone was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  It was killings me.  The guy knew it was hard.  He made sure that I had backups all my data which I did ASAP when I got her phone to my house.  I could not bare losing ANYTHING.  The guy said it really is the data that is important.  Not the phone.  Said your mom would want a WORKING phone not the old messed up one.  I knew he was right but still was hard to do.  Last night I even tried to smell the phone to see if I could smell mom.  It is so unreal the things you want when someone is gone. 

Well I got the new iPhone and restored all mom's data.  Samantha will so have mom's phone. 

Ray, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.  I remember meeting her in January at the meeting.  I know you'll hold very dear all the wonderful memories that you have had with your mom.  Remember, she's still watching over you and you can feel her anytime you need to.  She was very proud of you and your decision to get healthy.  I'm here if you need me and I'll add your mom and your family to my prayers.  Ann