I don't want to tell my family...help.

I need help. A few months back I sat in a support group and the question rose of what to say to someone that asks about your extreme and rapid weight loss.  Some may even ask..." did you get weight loss surgery?"  What do you say when you don't want them to know?  I responded " well, this surgery is so very personal and really cuts down to our soul and I don't think any of us should willingly give a part of soul out to people, just because they ask." It seemed to make sense at the time.  I tend to be a black and white thinker.  However, now I have been approved and am getting the surgery in a few weeks.  My family is EXTREMELY negative about wls.  VERY.  Not to mention, they are not at all a positive reinforcement in my life, none of them...aunts, cousins, no one.  Very negative and judgemental.  Through therapy and boundries I have healed but have not written them off completely.  I do interact for major holidays etc. Although I don't mind telling strangers for the most part or  my very supportive friends, what do I say to my family if they directly ask me if I got surgery or how I am loosing weight so fast?  More importantly, I run my company with a family member.  How do I get around time off if my surgery? Thanks for any advice.

tell them your taking time off for yourself,  which is true and that you are eating healthy and getting lots of excersise.  also true!   they don't need to know the particulars.   good luck, we all support you here. dawn

Say you're eating less, eating better and exercising!

I also have other WLS friends who will just say, "Yes, I've lost a lot of weight and I feel great." and they say that usually makes people stop asking.

Nia

The decision about your family is a very personal one and my thought is they are likely to find out at some point in time. Will you have a more difficult time if they find out after the surgery. Will you  have to deal with life long resentment.  One part of this surgery is we eat less, but there are other parts also such as some of us  dumping if we eat sweets,or not eating pasta or rice for a really long time, not  drinking with meals etc.  People can be very cruel when it comes to WLS, like it is the easy way out. Let me tell you there is nothing easy about it. It is a lot of work. I am amazed that if you had a blockage in you heart or appendicitis and need surgery you dont have to worry about any one giving you grief butweight loss surgery has this stigma though. The bottom line is obesity is a disease and it leads to other diseases  such as diabetes, high blood pressure etc.  If there was any other way for you to cure your disease your insurance company would not have approved it. The fact that you were approved shows that your disease is bad enough to need WLS. You  have made a very proactive decision to have this surgery. If anyone should say anything negative about the surgery you can always tell them that your disease has gotten out of control, You meet the criteria for surgery ( which I may add is not an easy task in itself). If they are not supportive you can tell them that you appreciate there opinion but is important for you to stay positive. You can tell them if they are not going to support you then keep their opinions to themself. You have every right to treat your disease and right now you need their love and support. If they can't do that then the discussion is over. I wish you all the best with you surgery, good luck and get well soon

I am so sorry that your family is not supportive, we all need as much encouragement as we can get. just know that your wls family will be her for you anytime. good luck and god bless. Terrie

What you tell and who you tell is yours and yours alone.  Setting boundaries is something many of us don't seem to really begin to learn until surgery no matter what our age.  If you must tell your work partner something just say you had your gallbladder removed (I also have your surgeon and that is a pretty safe bet).  Hopefully, you will find as time passes after surgery, you will not need the approval of those around you so much, rather you will grow in the ability to be your own "best buddy".  Remember the only person you can change is yourself.  All the best as your journey begins.

I do understand. I had WLS 25 years ago and gained the weight back. I feel really bad about it, but it doesn't help when I have told some family members I am going to have it again and they respond like I am crazy to go through it again. what they don't understand is that it did work and it made me healthier and so I have no qualms about going through the surgery again, even though it will be open surgery and not laproscopic (not to thrilled about that part) I do have one daughter who is thrilled for me--one of the reasons is because poor thing takes after me, and has put on quite a bit of weight and she knows what a struggle it is to loose. My son was only 3 when I had the 1st surgery. I told him I was having WLS again and his response was, Isn't that expensive? I said yes, but insurance is paying for it. He said, I didn't think they paid for cosmetic surgery. I let him know this has nothing to do with cosmetic surgery, this is because I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, GERD, and could leas to heart problems, ect. Then He understood. I think the general public thinks you are vain if you get the surgery. and yes it does usually make you look better, but it is the health related issues that they need to have emphazied. Like someone else said, insurance wouldn't cover it if it wasn't a disease. I am telling my coworkes that I have to have abdominal surgery and I will be off work a while. So far, no one has asked for any details. If they did, I would tell them that I have a lot of health issues that the surgery will correct. Sorry if I have been blabbering on too long! I wish you the best in your weight loss journey.....Sandra

I know exactly how you feel.  My sisters are negative about dr's and surgery, so I'm not telling them.  They will eventually notice the weight loss, at which time I will tell them that I'm eating less and under a dr's care for weight loss.  That's it, end of discussion.  My immediate family knows as do a few close and supportive friends.  I have to keep positive about this so I will heal quicker and get on with the business of living, which I am not doing so well now.  My last straw was this year when I went to the doc for my yearly blood tests I came up diabetic.  That was it.  I want to live a long and useful life.  I told my coworker that I have to have surgery, and that I don't want to discuss it.  She probably thinks I'm haveing hemoroid surgery or something.  Oh well. I told her that I'll be back to work in a couple of weeks, and not to tell my sister who lives here in town.  She will respect that. Good luck

I have always seen this as a very personal decision. As a thought,  you have to weigh (no pun intended) the following. On one hand keeping it a secret will insulate you from negativity, on the other hand, if no one knows they cannot be supportive! Is it not true that those people in our lives who are negative are negative in many ways? Dr Mike

I haven't told anyone except the one son that picked me up from the hospital after surgery. I wouldn't have told him otherwise.  He then told his girlfriend because she is so controlling and made him.  I have concerns that she is going to tell people.   I dont want to complicate my life with judgments. It has already been difficult enough gaining the 100 lbs gradually over the last decade that I have been unsuccessful in abating even in small increments.   A lot of people I know are in OA.  They think wls is almost a sacralige.  I tried OA and hated it.  Their food plan kept me at my heavy weights.  Now through this wls I have learned that to maintain my current weight all I need to eat is 100 calories a day. No wonder I never lost any weight!  That was my regular calorie intake for the last decade and gaining 10 lbs per year to end up 100 lbs over my normal weight that I weighed my entire adult life until menapause.  I am losing the weight finally but I notice that my pace is very slow. I am losing 5 lbs of fat per month steadily.  Luckily no one is questioning my success because it has only been 35 lbs so far and not that rapid so people just think I am doing what 'I should have" done all along.  NO one really understands the obesity dilemma except those dealing with the diseasse.    Mums the word as far as I am concerned.  I did have to tell the airport security though when my port (has titanium) made the security beep.  Nosy people.