WAY OT: sad,mad and in tears.

I have made myself numb over the past year concerning my little brother. His choices have lead him to a hellish life. He moved to FL early this year and I have only talked with him twice since.   Last night my little brother was found hanging, blue and lifeless. If it where not for his new in-laws he would be dead.   Up till now I have not let myself cry about anything concerning him. I have just prayed for him and let be what is. Tonight I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me cry ,to let mysel*****o feel something. And now as I type I have a river down my chest.   We where ALWAYS together growing up.  I pretty much raised him. If you read my story you'll understand why. Its on the bottom of my blog.   I'm in tears as I type, I cant hold him, protect him like I did when we where kids. I cant see him  or talk with him. I have no clue as to why he would do this. He is Sp. Needs, though has never tried this sort of thing. He married someone he bearly knew and I'm sure it's turned out not in his favor. My heartless, only looking after himself father called my mother to inform her. Not giving her much info at all. Shortly hanging up. My mothers health is not good and is feeling as I. She was not there for us when growing up and I know she is feeling part to blame. Im just now starting to get to know her, learning to try and love her and yet set my own limits with her. A very hard thing to do and for my brother maybe not doable at all. He has not contacted her in months.  Im sad. Im 30 years old and I have YET to let my family put me under. I have fought, I have left. I have been without family but I have never let them get the best of me. I have learned HOW NOT to live by them. He is all I had growing up. Protecting him helped me protect myself. He gave me reason to live.  If it wasnt for him I would not be the person I am today.  If I lose my little brother I will be lost.    I have my WLS in 5 flipping days. That is if all my pre opt and heart scan come back good. This is no time for my to feel the way I am... I haven't even freaked out about my WLS> Iv been doing good. And now this.

Hi there. I haven't looked at the AZ board in awhile.  I just want to offer you some comfort. Easier said than done, but these things are out of our control and all we can do is pray. Try to concentrate on yourself for now and get yourself together for your big day! Paula

Wow, that is tough. My brother and I were real close as well when we were kids and he has had a tough life since. For several years I didn't even know where he is. While I know now, we still rarely talk but the love we have for each other is still there. I don't know how I would take if he did the same thing.  Hang in there. I'm sure he still feels your love. He has chosen his path, like my brother has chosen his. The hard part for us is that we still care. In five days you will be getting yourself heathlier for your family. Hopefully he will someday become healthier for his. All you can do at this time is love him in your heart and hope for the best.

I am so sorry to hear your pain. It is so hard when those we love choose to hurt themselves like that. I know that sometimes Doctors won't reschedule these surgeries, but have you thought about talking to your doctor and explaining the emergency situation and seeing if you can reschedule? Seems this is weighing heavy on your heart, and seems he could use someone right now. It certainly isn't your responsibility to take care of him, nor was it when you were a child. But you need to do what feels right for you. It is also so important that you be in a healthy state of mind as well as physical to heal well from the surgery. It might be best to take care of this before doing your surgery. Just a thought. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I know there are no easy answers at times like this.

Thanks for the post guys! Im very thankful for all the personal pm's.  I did want to add not having this WLS is not an option for me. I started this for my health. I will not let the issues that come up with my family stop whats taken me 4 years to get done done.  Heres a update: I was able to track my brother down! WOW! He is at a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. I called and left a mess to let him know I knew and that he could call. I have heard nothing. But will be here if he needs. I can not tell you how much all your Pm's have helped deal with all of this. I think I have pm'ed all of you back personally to thank you. There was 5 pages on Pm's! I have said it once and Im gonna say it again.... Im so greatful for the site. I have so many people I email back and forth on a daily,  weekly basis. Very good friends to have. All of the notes helped. For those of you worried about me NOT have my WLS..... Are you kidding! :) I got to this point, Im gonna see it thru. I had contact with my birth father over this whole thing with my brother and I need this WLS more now then ever. I can not allow HIM to contenue to TRY to control me now. Its time to get out of this prison I put myself in so many years ago. The rid myself of this fat hanging on to my life and body. To the good news! I got all my Post Opt and Heart Scan results back and Im one healthy FAT person! Im in WLS on the 25th at 9:30am Thank you all for the prayers. I was just having a very low night. I do feel better however and somehow everything with my brother will work itself out. Good or bad ending what will be will be.

Shannon  Wow ! I am so sorry aboutt he events happening right now ! I know your heart is heavy . My only advice is to follow your heart and rely on your inner strength. You have to take care of yourself first - both physicaly and emotionaly - If you feel it best to hold off right now- then thats what you need to do!   You might want to schedule a quick check up with  one of the counselors .  Your brother sounds like he might be in the best place for himself right now. Just send him your love and support mentally - if you cant be there . at least he is getting some help ! Hang in and let me know what day Surgery is again ?  I am going to pop over and visit one day after work .

Hi!! Im pretty good about going into WLS. Not holding back. I just REALLY needed a good cry for him is all and I had it. Im worried but there is nothing more then a note to write and hope him knows I love him and want to help!  No counselors please! lol Or I may be a mess. lol The last few years with him have been SO HARD! This time I was shocked but I understand how he could get where he is by the way he is living his life.

My date with  WLS is the 25th 9:30 am PLEASE POP BY! I would love to see u! U have my number please pm me again with yours. and Ill get ya all my info.

I am so sorry to hear about your personal problems, I can understand completely.  My brother married the b from he** 15 years ago and pretty much walked out of all of our lives, even though he only lives about 5 miles from us.  We still only see him and his family a couple of times a year.  Since then our mom died, moms twin died, grandmother, grandfather, uncle... and others.  Now the only family I really have left is our one aunt, (moms little sis) and it has been an uphill climb.  I had a complete nervous breakdown last year after grandmother was dx with cancer and there was no hope - which was about 2 months after my uncle (who was like my dad) died.  I have come up from that down, and decided to take care of me.  I decided to have the lab band surgery in May, was approved fairly quickly and had the surgery on Aug 20.  My brother has even contacted me to ask me how i was doing.  What ever you do, do not give up, and know that your brother is still around, just does not know what to do himself right now.  It is time for you to take care of you, and hopefully your brother will come around and you again can be a family.  I did not share all of this for pity, just want you to understand that we have all been there, and right now we have to take care of ourselves, make ourselves healthy... otherwise we may not last long enough to see how things work out.  Good Luck and take care.  Please let us know when you have the surgery.