6 mo. post-op now..and doing pretty good...but

Hey there everyone.  It's been quite a while since I last commented on the board.  However, recently, just last week, I put up a new pic!  Since my surgery on Feb. 1st I have lost 79 lbs.  I had started losing two months before my surgery so all together since Dec. I have lost 130 lbs.  Its just amazing.  But what is strange is that until I took some new pics of myself last week, I have to be honest in saying that I didnt feel like I had lost a single pound.  Even though I knew better with the obvious clothes that dont fit and contantly buying a couple new shirts here and there and them being way too big a week later...but besides all that I guess it was just impossible for me to get past that FAT MANTALITY.  I still have it and I guess my biggest concern is, when does it go away?  What can I do to change the way that I have thought now for over 20 yrs of my life?  I was reflecting with my mom the other day during lunch and I told her that even when I was in highschool at age 14 and weighed 135 lbs, I never fealt small, I have always fealt fat, even when I wasnt.  So, I dont know, maybe someone out there that has been through this can give me some pointers on what it takes to change my way of thinking and actually accept and enjoy the new body that I have?!   Anyway, hope everyone is doing well with their WL. 

Sharon

Hi Sharon, First and foremost, congratulations on your weight loss success so far! You are doing an amazing job! I'm interested to see the responses to your post. I, too, feel very similar about myself and always have (in my younger, lighter years). Last week I caught a glimpse of myself in a window and thought "wow, I look the same! my face is still fat and my arms..." etc. etc. Some days I look in the mirror and really see how much thinner I am, other days I don't. Sometimes it's just a bad angle! lol I've considered looking into counseling in the future to help me with this, but I think I'll wait until I've reached goal and see if maybe my head hasn't caught up a little more by then. Good luck to you and keep up the good work! Nicole

Hey Nicole, thanks for the kudos and kind words...yeah, I am really having a hard time with this "fat mantality" and getting it under control!  I have been gowing through couseling but have been for a few years now...when I finally made an appt two weeks ago to see my therapist which I hadnt seen for about 4 months, she actually looked at me and said "so, have you lost any weight?"  Ok, I dont know about everyone else, but OUCH!  This is a woman that knows just how sensitive I am about all this and what a struggle it has been and then with that one comment she managed to put me in a spiraling depression for about two weeks.  I refused to go back and see her up to this point but I go in to see her next Tuesday.  My mom found some old pics of me from last summer and told me to take them in with me and then ask my therapist to ask me that question again! lol... The difference is extremely noticable so I was hurt by her question.  Oh well, I am over it now but her of all people should have known better I guess...Oh well.   If you do decide to go in for counseling, I wish you the best and I am sure that you will definately benefit from it.  Anyway, I am hoping that she will be able to help me get to the point that I can accept the fact that I am no longer a size 32.  My mom laughs at me, not making fun..but just cause of my way of thinking, when we go out to buy me a few new clothes, out of habit I grab the 3 or 4 x's or the 30/32 blouses and of course they are HUGE!  So now I have learned to grab a 1x or even extra large and as far as bottoms are concerned, I have lost weight in so many different places this time that finding bottoms to fit is virtually impossible!   And thats another thing I wanted others opinions about...how come this time I have lost weight in totally different places?  I mean I have always had a huge hump behind my head, well, not any more, its gone and I have noticed that I have lost so much in my stomach compared to the last time I was this size, everything seems to have gone down totally differently..if that makes any sense at all!  I have always been built like a line backer thanks to my father, but my back has gone down so dramatically that I cant find a bra to fit me around very well...and I knew I was going to be losing alot of weight, but oh my goodness, I have gone from a large DD to a small C!  Also from a 52 around to a 44.  And my shoes, from a size 9 to a 7 1/2. Again, all of this is totalling great, just wish I could really REALLY feel like I have achieved something.  I know I have, but again, my way of thinking needs to change and soon! Thanks for all your kind words and you too are looking fabulous darlin!  Keep it up! Sharon OH, by the way, the final note that made me realize that I had lost so much weight was a few weeks back.  I got into my moms car, I dont drive...to move it closer to where she was so she wouldnt have to walk back to it.  Any time before when I would get into the drivers seat, I would have to put the seat back all the way and then my big belly would still prevent the steering wheel from turning properly.  Well, when I got into the seat the other day, it was pulled up quite a bit cause mom's kinda short.  You arent gonna believe this one!  At the very least, there was 6 inches between me and the steering wheel!  I could barely reach the pedals and I fealt so TINY in that drivers seat!  WOOHOO...that was my turning point...just wish I could feel that good about it every day!

How unkind of your therapist.  Please rememeber, even professional people sometimes are jealous!  As far as the Fat Mentality, I am sure you will in time become confortable with your new self.  Perhaps this is your way of protecting yourself from the real world.  Hiding behind your old self.  I pray you realize you are a wonderful beautiful person.  A butterfly that is coming out of it's cocoon! Best wishes to you!

Oh my gosh!!!!  I need therapy from what your therapist said to you!  I think yoiu definitely need to re-think throwing money that direction again!!!!  .....

Come on out and play at some support groups.  Folks can make you feel like the million bucks that you are worth!!!!

Weigh 2 go on your successes!  ......   The thing that helped me most realize that I was "normal" was when I started doing step aerobics at L.A. Fitness in front of a room full of mirrors.  I could not look at myself and think I was fat when the room full of nice looking ladies looked the same as I did!!!

There's all kinds of therapy........and there's all kinds of jerks! ......me thinks your therapist should be repromanded for falling into the latter category!

Hang in there!  Go shopping!

Sharon-- Sounds like even though you met another bump in the road, you're doing GREAT!!!!! NEVER let a person (even if they are "professional") have enough power over you to let their opinion ruin your day or your life.  You have made some great decisions for yourself, which have resulted in you taking control of your life and gaining personal power.   On a secondary note, I agree with many here that looking at before/after pictures of yourself is the most "scientific" method of seeing how far you've come.  Remember that you are an inspiration to others around you who are working up the courage to make the tough decision of WLS for themselves! Keep your chin up, as I think you're a big LOSER!!! --Dave

Hi Sharon: What a interesting thought you brought up. I have a feeling its something most of us struggle with. We know our bodies are smaller but our brain somehow doesn't want to believe it. Yesterday I found myself walking past a boutique and wanting to go in. Then I thought "I'm too fat" they won't have clothes to fit me. Yet I'm down 100lbs now and wear an xl top and 14 pants. I still find myself going to the plus sizes and looking for tent tops to hide my weight. So don't feel alone. Like I said before its something a lot of us fight with. Besides working on eating and living a healthy life I am going to start working on my brain. I love the way I am looking and now I want my brain to also embrace it. Good luck and I wish you the best Pam

Not that I would want anyone else to have to go through this struggle..but I am very happy to know that I am not the only one that is having a hard time with this!  I am sure we will all get through it in time.  Maybe it is a security issue with me, I know that I had gotten to a point that I was so extremely unhappy with myself and just totally emberassed by my weight that I havent had a boyfriend in over two years!  And now that I am 130 lbs down, I still have a really hard time letting anyone close!  I may have a totally different body, but to me I guess I am afraid that when the clothes come off in front of someone....UGH..You all know what I mean I think!  I know that I used my weight for the longest time as a barrier to keep people away.  I must continue working on this or I will be a slender 150 lbs soon and all by myself still....Thank you to those of you who shared with me that I am not alone in this.  I hope that things will start to change soon.  As we all know, only I can make that change!   Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Sharon

Sharon. Body image is one of the most difficult obstacles that we face.  I am still afraid to clean out my closet of my fat clothes because I think I will need them...duh? It will come to you in time...but you will have to be patient. When you look at yourself in the mirror...really take a long hard look.  Talk to that new slender image that you see and compliment yourself on how you look and the new positive changes you have made.  Congratulate yourself on these accomplishments...AND most importantly...tell yourself how much you love the new you!!!  It works. Many of us have spent years berating ourselves and hating our bodies....now its time to open our hearts to the incrediible instrument that we have been given. Robin

I read the post and have to admit, it hit some bells with me.  Before I gained all my weight, I never saw myself as thin.  Now if I look back at those pictures, I realize how thin I was.  If I had been more realistic then, I wonder if I would have fallen into so many traps that eventually led to SMO.  Okay, now I have had WLS and hope to see changes (I'm just 2 weeks out).  I am scared I will not see those changes and find myself in that same old fat mentality.  Think maybe I should start with a shrink before I let that part get out of hand.  I must admit, I want one that is supportive.  Sounds like you found Mary Jo's (Big Medicine) clone!!!  I appreciate your posting because it has made me think about something that had not crossed my mind.