It has been a struggle....

For those of you who know me I thought I would post and let you know why I havent been on the boards much the past few months. I have had quite a struggle with the Band having 3 surgeries etc and changing surgeons as well. I was doing so well until Feb....my daughter and 2 Granddaughters had moved into our house a few months before that and we were dealing with adjusting to all the changes...all was going real well when one day my daughter said she didnt know if she wanted to be a Mom anymore and just got up and went to live with her boyfriend (she is in the middle of a divorce) leaving my hubby and I with our 2 Grand daughters who are ages 1 and 2. Well...the stress of what happened really affected me....i already had an appt to get an unfill but didnt make it to that...my band got so tight i couldnt eat/drink and i ended up with an unfill....i have now had 2 fills since then and still am hungry with no satiety at all....difficult is not the word...frustration sure is....My whole life has changed...I am now taking full time care of a 1 and 2 year old and my hubbys and my life has changed dramatically. We were traveling together and doing the things that hubby and wife do when the kids have moved out etc....anyways we are doing better....figuring out what works best for us and the kids etc....We dont know if this will end up a forever thing but right now there is no light at the end of the tunnel so we have to make the best of the situation. Dont get me wrong...we love Ava and Lacey to peices....we were just ready to have our own life and be "Grammy and Grandpa" and not Mama and Daddy....I have an appt with my surgeon this thursday and i have high hopes that his fill will be what i need to feel some satiety..... Thanks for listenning....and i have to say that i would never take back my decision to have my band....i dont regret anything.... LuAnne

Hey Stranger! I have been thinking of you lots lately. WOW! I can't imagine what you are going through. You are a strong lady and I know sometimes it sucks to be strong. But vent away, we are here for you. You have been doing so well in spite of it all. If you need anything call me. I know how crazy it gets with toddlers. If you need an ear or a Starbucks! Call me. I have my 16 year old on homebound school so she can babysit if you want to get away for a few. We could also meet at the mall and the girls can play with my girls in the play area. We can talk and shop or whatever. Come to the Chandler support meeting next Wed. It isn't too far from you. It was changed to a park nearby. Joyce has the info. I will call you if you don't call me first with the details. If you need anything you call me!! Support is what you need most right now. You have take care of yourself so you can take care of the girls! Tell Nik to make sure he is taking great care of you or else!!! My prayers are with you ALL. Talk at ya soon, Jen

Jen, Thank you so much for your kind words. I have thought alot about you too....you are truly any inspiration! You are right...it sucks to be the strong one sometimes....but I know in the end that is what I would rather be. I love these little girls...and I think there is just a real struggle going on because i miss my life...and my time with my hubby....plus I love my daughter and am concerned with her and the choices she is making for her life. Starbucks sounds good...i love their Chai....but you already know that...LOL... I am working on getting a sitter for next Wed if my hubby can****ch the girls...so hopefully I will see u there....get me the info though...where, when etc....I need all the support I can get!!! I know in my heart I have to take care of myself so I can better take care of these girls. How are you and your hubby doing??? How is Dr. DeBarros and his wife doing...and Mike too...I miss them alot.... Love Ya, LuAnne

Hey Lu - You hang in there, those kids need you more then ever right now! Funny cause I had asked the questions about stress and fills cause one day when I was really stressing I felt so restricted, then fine the next day. SO maybe stress had you too restricted before, but Doc will help you and also Preach to you about the MENTAL FILLS.........I made a post asking when hes gonna invent something to get rid of the mental part of this journey!!! I'm sure all your going through is just wanting you to EAT, sure know I'd be wanting food if I was in your shoes! But we are all here for you, type away if you need to...Thats what I love about this OH, I can ***** laugh, cry and everyones all good with it!!! HANG IN THERE!! I am planning on attenting Doc support group May 8th, not sure if you go to them, but I am shooting to be there! Take care--Candi

Hi Candi, I was reading on the boards about the "mental fills"...I dont believe that this would be one as I feel like I did before surgery...nothing....i dont get full or anything even near it at anytime...and i have been where i needed to be before with my fills and know how i felt at that point. Believe me if I ever get back to that point i wont go past it...not even a smidge like i tried....it is not worth it to go through what i have been through this past 2 months. I wish I could get rid of the "head hunger" too...but the band doesnt take that away...that is something we have to work on everyday...but i need the band to help me...that is for sure. I will be there on May 8th...i hope we get to meet and chat....i need to be at every support group i can get to...i am working on a sitter as I write this,....LOL Thanks for your words of wisdom and support! LuAnne

LuAnne, I can't even imagine what you are going thru right now, but above all else, you need to take care of yourself and your health. Those 2 little girls need a healthy guardian, so don't less the stress of raising them run you down. Don't be afraid to ask for help, it's actually a blessing to other people to be able to help. My thoughts and prayers will be with you first of all, then your husband and those 2 precious little girls. Alli

Alli, Thank you so much for reminding me it is Ok to ask for help. I have always been a person who wants to do it all by myself regardless the situation....I hate to put anyone out of their way...and i just want to be strong enough to carry the burden alone...kinda dumb huh??? I think you are right...these 2 little girls can bless others while i am taking care of myself...i need to take care of me right now...that is the only way i can care for them...and at this point it might be for years.... Thank you...i love these little girls...they are blessings... LuAnne

Hey there Cutie Patootie LuAnne!!!! I've missed you and have wondered where in the world you disappeared! It sounds like you're buried deep in the "hard knocks of life"!!!!! ......I've been in a similar situation with married kids and 2 grand daughters living with us for a while but I can't even imagine having both parents absent and taking care of my little ones 24/7 !!!!! You must be exhausted!!!! Be kind to yourself and feel the cyber Hugs from all of us!!!!! You are awesome for stepping up and becoming the heroes for some little innocents of life! You get the chance to make a difference for some precious angels! ...... I totally believe that blessings come to those of us who kick it up a notch with caring, sharing and genuine selfless love! How bout a visit to our Chandler group for a little extra TLC???? Joyce

HI JOyce! I have missed you too....i have thought of you often. Yes...I am exhausted....not only physically but mentally as well. It has affected me in more ways than i can say. I am doing my best to pull myself out of it and allow myself to focus on Me and what i need to do for myself. I am a caregiver...always have been...so it is hard...but at this point i know i have to do something as i am starting to gain weight and not lose...and i cant go there... I am doing my best to care for these 2 little blessings....they are wonderful and I love them more than I can say.... My hubby and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this month and we are planning a dinner....i need to feel better about myself before this happens...I go to see Dr. S on thursday so i hope that I will finally feel some satiety...i sure need that!!! I am planning on coming next Wed...please let me know where and when etc....i need to get a sitter for that night so I need the info... Love Ya, LuAnne

Hey Lu - I will for sure see you on the 8th, I have an app't at 4:30 and I am then gonna just hang around for the meeting, looking forward to meeting with people! You hang in there - OK!!! And WE WILL WIN this head hunger battle!! Take care! Candi