My Son's Fiancee

Hello everyone, My sons fiancee was just diagnosed with Stagell breast cancer. She is only 32 years old. I am sick over this whole thing. My son is 26. Do you know how hard it is to see your grown son crying? My poor broken heart. She finds out today what kind of cancer it is and how far it has spread. They removed most of the lymph glands on her left side and found cancer. My question..........when a person is faced with a crisis like this.......since we choose not to have religion to fall back on........what can I do? Bargain with Fate? Promise to believe? Wish on a star? I'm lost. willby

Tragic things happen randomly to good people. I see it as just that. There are things we have no control over and there is often nothing we can do. I think religion helps people in a way, becuase they feel like praying or talking god gives them something to do and helps them feel like they have control. It is an illusion though. The reality is that we cannot make it go away or change the outcome. We can give our support through. We can extend ourselves and offer whatever have to give that would be helpful. You supporting your son and giving him a soft place to land and feel safe is a great start. Feeling helpless is normal because that is the reality. REALLY accpeting that helps me deal with an often ugly reality. I hope everything works out. Keep us updated. Terri

Terri, Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it! willby The surgeon removed 16 lymph glands and there was only cancer in one of them. She now has to take chemo and radiation. But it could have been so much worse.

I'm so sorry to hear this. My sister has been fighting breast cancer for 5 years.. Here is what you can do. You can simple things that will mean the world to her such as: listen to her, hold her hand, hire a maid for her house/apartment, take her on a trip to Vegas, continue to treat her as a living person. Somehow after reading your posts, I know you will have no trouble with any of that. My youngest child, my daughter now 15 was diagnosed with a deadly leukemia at age 3. The doc pretty much told us to go home and plan her funeral. Her only treatment choice was a bone marrow transplant and even those only had a 30 percent success rate with her leukemia (juvenile myleomonocytic leukemia). "Friends" dropped us like dirt. I now some of that was not knowing what to say to the parents of a dying child, but some considered us tainted. We found out who our true friends were during that period. We went with the BMT and my daughter is alive and well today. I hope someday to be a true friend to someone else in need. That has nothing to do with god. It has to do with being human. Here are some resources for your son's fiance. http://listserv.acor.org/archives/breast-onc.html online support group http://www.acor.org/clinical.html information on clinical trials. I wish all of you the very best. Barb B.

Barb, Thank you for sharing your story with me about your daughter. I'm so glad that she's alive today. Also, thank you for the links...........I truly appreciate it! willby

Hello, Very sorry to hear about this. It is hard to understand sometimes why things happen. I was in a similar situation before, and because I was able to overcome it by turning back to my former faith and religion, and God healed me. Here is a great uplifting story that should inspire you regardless where you are in your beliefs. Because I was where you are all now, I feel I can add something here. Please read here: http://www.apostolicfaith.org/foryou/articles/davis.asp Good Luck, Please don't think that I am forcing my views, but only sharing my experience to help you and your family find a way through this W.

Good Morning Willby, Was hoping to hear more about the outcome of your daughter-in-laws diagnoses? Any news on the type of cancer? And how are they both doing? Let us know, we care for you. Sally C.