My Son......The Atheist

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share something that happened to me a couple weeks ago. My son is 15 yo. He dresse***** has green hair, and hates everything. I have never discussed my atheism with my kids. I just didnt think that was fair to them. My son announced "I dont believe in god" . I looked at him and said "I dont either". The look on his face was priceless! Here he was thinking he was going to slap me in the face with yet another act of defiance. When I agreed with him I took all of the wind out of his sail. Now we sometimes have discussions about religion and I feel comfortable sharing my views with him. I was raised and educated Catholic. Its unbelievable how 40 years later.......I still feel like I'm in big trouble for not believing. Go figure! thanks for listening willby thinsoon

Here is where it gets tricky though. He is a strange age and has some pretty strong ideas on expressing himself. Young Atheists need to learn appreciation of life and tolerance for others. Not seeing life beyond death can be grim at times. Having purpose and direction is very important. Children raised in religious households come by this naturally. Us Atheists need to find this on our own thorugh art, music, or our natural abilities. Good for him for taking a stand early in life. Now he has to figure out how to use this to his advantage rather than that teenage self-destruction phase. I would provide him with some reading in that area or direct him to web sites. This developmental period is very important. He needs to understand that being God-less is not about lacking in morality or integrity. I hope he gets that. Much Love, Terri

Hey is it 1979 at your house? Because I'd like to come over if it is.

OK seriously. How are the discussions with him going? Is he actually open to talking with Mom about this? He wasn't just going for shock value and defiance? Because, as Terri has pointed out, I think taking up a life of personal responsibility and ethical choices requires a greater commitment than just blindly following dogma or whatever somebody tells you.

Oh boy! i knew I was gonna be in trouble. I almost didnt post here because you all seem really educated. I dont have any college,but thought I would give it a shot.....it takes all kinds right? Now I feel really stupid because I'm not quite sure what youre both talking about. do you mean that because his life is godless that he should still be spiritual about something? Or do you mean that maybe he is just saying this because its the thing to do/say? I'm not quite sure. I do know, for myself, that I have a huge hole in my life that I suppose religious people fill up with god. Is that where the music,natural talents come in to play? I hope I havent embarrassed myself too much........I like to think I'm fairly intelligent......but 1979? Huh? what? willby

First of all.... Punks with green hair who hate everything have been around since about 1979. When I was a punk with blue hair. Anyway. I will speak just for myself. I am completely un-spiritual. I don't think it's necessary to think about anything in spiritual terms, at least not for me. But I have given much thought in my life to my sense of personal responsibility and what it means to know that I am NOT living for the purpose of having some kind of reward after I'm dead. I must be responsible for my choices NOW and bear the consequences NOW without a sense of reward or punishment. I look for what's inherently right about a given choice. And I don't need some religion to tell me how to do that! I have often asked religious people WHY they believe what they believe and they almost always just say "Because God says so." They have NO CLUE what's inherently right or wrong about any given issue. They just point back to God and that's as far as they've considered it. It takes a lot more personal integrity, insight, empathy, and INTELLIGENCE to examine all sides of a question for yourself and arrive at the answer that's going to be ultimately positive for yourself and others who may be affected. This is the challenge of a life without religion. Now let me ask you... what is the REAL reason for this "hole" in your life? Are you looking for a community of people who may be like-minded in some way? You might want to look into a local Ethical Humanist congregation. You can search for a congregation at http://www.aeu.org/ For a lot of atheist people, it fills the same social needs that many people find at their church. Please comment however you wish. Let's chat....

Willby, I think it's tremendous that you and your son have had this discussion. Certainly the years around 15 are tough, and full of craziness, anger, frustration, and needing to find a direction in their lives. Your son does the green hair, "I'm pissed off with the world" thing as a sheild against what is obviously him --trying to find where he belongs. Keep talking. And listen; I mean really listen. I've learned, talking to my 17 year old, that it's not what she says, it's what she doesn't say that blows my mind. They're heavy into "shock value" at that age, and that's okay--it's normal. But, what they really need, and what I think you can provide, is to know they have a safe place to land; a place where they can say what they're thinking, and get minimal judging, lecturing, and anger. This is where you come in strong. Don't think for a second that, because you don't have a "college education" you're not perfect just as you are. You are his mother; and you care. So you do a bit of research for the kid--direct him to some positive teen website that he can invest some energy in, and maybe even, find what he's looking for. Is he artsy--paint, write, draw---any of that?? Is he into music? Help him find his talents and direct his anger toward something that will build him up, and not tear him down. So often, teenagers walk around lost, and put up their sheilds which get massively misread by adults. Don't let this happen. Trust that you have what it takes to support him in a world that is very quick to judge him based on his looks, and his behaviors. You've got one hell of an opportunity to get to know your son, and for him to really get to know you. Don't allow anything or anyone to make you feel like you're not smart enough or able to figure this out. I think you are; in fact, I'm sure you are. Jessica