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hi everyone, I knew they were talking about an atheist board. Just didnt know they organized one. Good for them. I am pre-op with my surgery tomorrow and I am truly thinking of canceling. I never ever thought my withdrawal from food would be so bad. I'm torn in what to do. Sort of late in the game huh? willby

Well hello, it's the Hershey bar lady! Glad you found the Heathen Hideout. You gotta go get that surgery and make it too late to turn back. Just go do it and get it over with! It is a weird feeling to know that there are certain things you will never be able to do again, like eat at a Brazilian steakhouse where they swarm you with platters of beef and it's prix fixe all you can eat--which for you will be about $1.89 worth. Believe me, I thought about it a lot. And a couple of years ago I used to tell myself I was "scared" of the surgery when what I was really scared of was giving up eating like a pig whenever I wanted to, which was often. When I accepted and faced REALITY, I knew what I had to do and I DID IT. But don't think I wasn't scared a little on surgery day! I'd had several outpatient surgeries so I wasn't stressing a lot but at one point when I was all fixed up and ready and they left me alone to sit and wait in a little curtained room I guess I just became overwhelmed with the dread of wanting it OVER WITH. I thought about my car just outside.... And I stayed put of course. I got through three uncomfortable days and now I have a much better REST OF MY LIFE to look forward to. The turning point for me was when I realized I could choose FOOD or EVERYTHING ELSE in life and my choices were going to be mutually exclusive. If I chose food, that would be ALL I'd have in my life. So I chose EVERYTHING ELSE. Pick Door Number Two Willby. It's the better choice. Go for it.

Dona, Yes.......the Hershey Bar lady...... Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I have been freaking out all day. I never expected to. It just came on me. Maybe I didnt want this surgery. I'm just like you were...not afraid of the actual surgery (too much) but TERRIBLY afraid of life without my drug. Its all I have ever known. But knowing that there is another person out there who knows what I'm feeling helps. Thank you! willby thinsoon

I just had a long conversation about this last night with Katie Pre-Op, a recent visitor to this board. I knew I had to stop myself because I wasn't going to stop on my own. Food was going to take over. I put an end to that for my own good. But here's the interesting thing--Now your mileage may vary of course, this is just what's happening to ME. I have NO APPETITE. Nothing. It's gone. I can even smell food and it doesn't open my appetite. Nothing does. I go to restaurants with friends and I don't care. I nibble on something. Periodically I might get a very slight feeling like I'd like to eat something and two or three Saltines later I'm over it. Really. I'm actually having trouble getting myself to EAT SOMETHING. I'm fine with going all day just drinking my protein and various beverages. My nutritionist says she sees this a lot. It's an easy habit to get into. Food has dropped off the map of my life. And that's damn freaky but I'm not arguing. I'm three months and two weeks out. I don't know how long this will last. I know it won't last forever. I'm sure my appetite and hunger will come back eventually but for now I'm riding this train as far as it will go!

Let me assure you, in about a year you will be perfectly able to go back to your drug with little problems. I would redo this surgery every year if I had too. Trust me, I am addict of the worst kind(not just food). I have relied on many forms of comfort over the years. I am still more than able to turn to food at 2 years post op. That is probably why I never achieved goal weight. I do exercise like there is no tommorrow to keep the weight off. I am able to eat all junk food including reasonable amounts of sugar. Some days I am better than others. I would not not do this surgery because of that fear. You will not even want food right after. I did worry about the withdrawl, but it never came. I was too focused on losing and just trying to keep everything down. A couple crackers will fill you like thanksgiving dinner does now and you will feel satisfied. Please do not let this be the reason you do not go through it. You will be doing yourself a great disservice. Remember: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Hi Terri, Thank you for your reply . I'm glad that you understand about my drug. As sick as its sounds.........as long as I know I can get a "fix" sometime in the future......its enough to placate me. It truly amazes me when I hear people say they would do it over again if they had to. I guess its pretty much like giving birth. You SWEAR never again.....and in 2-3 years the memory of the pain fades and here comes another baby. I was t-h-i-s close to walking out of the pre-op room on Monday. I wasnt afraid of the pain as much as I was afraid of losing my life as I knew it. Granted, I was 48 years old, 327 pounds, pre-diabetic,and hidden from the world.........but in a sick,twisted way........I was content. Well, have to go now........time to call my therapist and tell her just how dysfunctional I really am Thanks again willby thinsoon

So sorry I wasn't checking this board over the weekend. Hopefully you are in surgery now. Wishing you the best, it really is better over here on the losing side. Unlike Dona, I still have an appetite, but it takes so little to satisfy me. Last night we went out and played poker. I ordered a burger, cut a third of it for me, took 2 french fries and gave the rest to my son. I was so full!! A woman was there passing out pieces of cake but I wasn't tempted at all. I came in 9th in the poker tournament. Life is good.

hi Barb, Thanks for the kind, supportive words. I am home now and doing what everyone before me has had to do.... sip sip sip, walk walk walk. A morsel of a hamburger sounds so good right about now. But as long as one day i'll be able to eat something......i'll make it through. Take care willby thinsoon

Welcome home Willby! Don't stress about food at this point. Just get your protein in and keep yourself hydrated. I stuck to liquids for the entire first month. I let my new stomach get completely healed. I know some people are very conscious of what they can and can't eat and they seem to fixate on when they can start eating more and how many different foods they can add to their post-op diet. I think that's not really the point here. Think about changing the role of food in your life and let it drop WAY down the list of your priorities. It's a mind game, baby! Control it!

Welcome back!! It will take a few weeks before you start really feeling good again. The first week, I felt as if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. That passed as I started losing and finding I could tolerate more foods. You'll have to write and tell all about your surgery and hospital days. Barb