Not Sure Wanhere To Begin....)

I'm glad I found this site.  I have had chronic pain for most of my life, and over the last 22 years have gained a lot of weight.  I keep trying to figure out what I did, what I didn't do to bring this about.  The best I can figure is back in the late '80's I was diagnosed with endometriosis and underwent a battery of procedures/tests/surgeries/drug therapy to get pregnant.  The good news is, it was successful and I had two (more) wonderful children, and I thought I had waited too many years to expand our family.  Part of the treatment was taking an anabolic steroid to stop my body from creating estrogen.  This caused me to rapidly gain 60 lbs.  Sixty pounds in less than three months.  I truly believe this was the catalyst for my journey with pain and obesity.  Before the endometriosis I had also injured my back at work, so I was babying my back, and trying to deal with all that weight and then eventually got pregnant in 1990.

When I got pregnant was when my pain really started.  I didn't really gain much weight with the pregnancy (only 20 lbs), and my daughter was born in '91 at 9#2oz.  I actually weighed less after giving birth than I weighed before I got pregnant.  So I struggled with leg pain and back pain for a couple more years, and got pregnant again, and my son was born in '94.  Again, I gained very little weight (15 lbs) and he weighed in at 8# 4oz.  After this things went downhill in a hurry.  I never really got a handle on my leg pain and I had all kinds of tests done and no one could ever really figure out what was going on.  I did get a diagnosis in '96 of Fibromyalgia, but never got any real pain relief.  

I would up injuring my right knee and tore my meniscus and had to have surgery to remove the torn cartilage.   My knee improved for a while, but eventually the pain came back and got worse and worse and worse.  My doctor kept telling me it was the fibro, even though the pain was in my joints (mostly my left foot and my right knee).  But he kept insisting that all I needed to do was exercise and it would get better.  So I did, and my knee kept getting worse and worse.  Finally I demanded more be done, and my doctor sent me to a rehab doctor for a second opinion, and she gave me the OA diagnosis.  My right knee was totally gone.  My hips were gone too, but had not started causing me pain.  I had my right knee totally replaced in 2004, and four months later had surgery on my left foot to fuse three joints that were affected by a congenital defect that no one found in the 45 years I'd been on this planet.  I lost some weight before the surgeries and lost more after and eventually got down to 240 lbs, all on my own.  But as the old saying goes "all good things must come to an end".  The pain came back, this time it was my right hip, then my left knee and my left hip.  ALL need total joint replacements.

I've seen three orthopedic surgeons and NONE will do surgery on my hips because of my weight, and one even said I had to have gastric by-pass before he would do surgery.  I've always resisted the idea, mostly because I'd always been able to lose weight when I tried to, but now at 53, and post-menopausal, the weight just won't budge.  And to make matters worse, I was laid off my job in 2010.  So I decided to go to college and get a degree, and would hopefully be able to switch careers and hopefully get myself together.

Needless to say things have not gone like I had planned.  The only health insurance I have is what is provided as a college student and it will NOT cover ANY kind of weight reducing procedures.  And without losing weight I can't have my joints fixed, and without getting my joints fixed, I'm pretty much doomed to a life of pain and constant pain meds.  And besides the OA, I also have Myofascial Pain, Lumbar Stenosis, Urinary Incontinence, PTSD and now, Panic Attacks which have never been an issue for me before.  I had an issue with a professor who doesn't like people who are disabled and people who are overweight (I hit the daily double on that one), so I'm struggling with that, and dealing with the knowledge that there are still people out there, people who we are supposed to trust that feel it's OK to discriminate.  So I'm undergoing therapy for that (thankfully the school provides this at no cost), and I'm working with the campus disability department to get my classes completed so I can get my degree.

I've not left my house in over a month (I get a panic attack when I even think about walking out the door) and I missed two really awesome job interviews because I'm so self-conscious now I don't know what to do.  And before the incident with the professor (who actually announced their feelings to the ENTIRE CLASS) I went on a job interview but couldn't get in the building, the office had steps and no other way in.  And I had another interview to go on and this time I ask before I went, and again - steps, no ramp.  I have to use a walker to get around and I can manage ONE step, but not more than that.

Sorry to bombard with such a long post.  I am feeling very alone, and honestly thought I was old enough that I would not be subjected to bullying, especially by an instructor, but I guess you're never too old.  I so want to drop at least 200 lbs, get my joints fixed, and see what the rest of my body does after that.  I had actually went into a partial remission shortly after my surgeries in 2004/2005, then my husband had a stroke in '09 and all the stress, and constant running and worrying and trying to not lose our house and everything else, slowly but surely, all the pain came back with a vengeance.

The worst thing is I have no job, and the chances of getting a job without losing the weight and having the surgeries is pretty slim, and without a job, I have no means to pay for a weight loss surgery.  My unemployment ran out early, due to the job market being so much better to actually motivate.  I had thought about trying for disability, but my degree requires I do a practicum, and even though it's an office job, it will negate any disability I might get.

So, I'm not sure what I'm asking for, a kind ear, helpful advice, extra money for my surgery (just kidding!!).  My family listens, but they don't understand.  I guess that's what I'm really hoping for - understanding.  And direction if someone knows how to go about this when you have no money!  The hardest part is before the steroids way back in the 80's, I was super active, played sports, hiked, rode my horse everyday, I enjoyed life.  Now I merely exist, living one day to the next hoping and praying that I find a solution to this, I'm only 53 and I'm not ready to be an old lady yet.

Peace,

Gin

"The best laid schemes of mice and men / Often go awry" -- John Steinbeck

Gin,

I'm so sorry for everything you have and are going though.  I do understand some/most.  My knees where both bone on bone for almost 3 yrs.  Having steroid injections in both knees every 4 months.  I too, was using a walker and wheelchair when we went any where that I might have the to walk more than 20 steps!  I had insurance with my husband's company, but they wouldn't cover WLS.  And like you my Ortho wouldn't do the knee replacements till I lost weight. Well, thank GOD that my wonderful great Aunt, who "gave" me the money for WLS.  In Nov 2009 (I was 50 yrs old) I had the DS.  Surgery day I weigh in at 415 lbs.  By Feb 2011 I had lost enough wight that my Ortho scheduled me for knee replacements (by this time I also had insurance with my company).  First in June, second in August.  In June 2011 I noticed my joints on right hand and my left elbow where swollen.  Well, I waited till April of 2012 before going to a Rheumatogist.  Was diagnosis with RA.  I now take meds and injections for the RA.  But without the insurance I wouldn't be able to afford any of it.  I wish I had a solution for you.  I will be praying for you that GOD will send a miracle your way. 

Brenda

Thanks so much Brenda.  It is such a huge step, and I have resisted having surgery for many years.  It has always scared me,but now I fear my weight is going to seriously impair my life, so I figure it will hopefully allow me a few more years that I might not have had.

Now my biggest stumbling block is the money.  I do appreciate the prayers and positive energy.  I too am hoping for a miracle, I so want my life back, and this seems to be my only recourse in achieving that goal.

I understand as well. Have been on MS Contin and Vicodin for some time. Had one hip done 8 years ago, but I have ballooned up in weight since then. Now that the left one is giving me trouble my surgeon also stated that he would not do my hip until I lost weight. He recommended Bypass surgery, but my insurance will not cover it. It can be overwhelming to deal with the pain and have no hope of resolution.

I was also lucky enough to have a family member step forward, and my surgery is actually next Wed. I also found out today that I have some form of RA and will probably need to deal with that after I lose some weight.

My suggestion would be to sit down and make a list of all of your family members and friends. Think about the ones that are more likely to listen to your story and show some compassion. Think about creative ways of raising money, like "Sponsor a Pound." Figure out how much you need to lose, divide the number of pounds against the cost of surgery and come up with a number. Then you can say "Sponsor a Pound for $150" This is a lot easier than asking for large sums of money if your family is not able to come through in that way. Just one suggestion.

Hope everything works out for you.

Thanks Reb.  You have some great ideas about getting the money.  I wish I had a rich relative, but sadly I come from a family who are not so lucky in the "wealth" department!  So I will take some time, research my options and then figure out where to get the money.

I find it sad that so many people who want and need to be well can't.  It's especially sad when they want to be a productive member of society, but are unable to have the medical treatment they need to accomplish this simply because they have no insurance and no money.  

So I am just going to have to trust that it will come and I WILL get my life back.

Thanks for sharing your story..I too have almost all of your experience. I also miss being active, and have had a great many experiences that are very similar to what you describe..so circular with needing other surgeries and dealing with people who do not understand disabilities. I try yo take one "whelm" at a time so I don't get overwhelmed...it's really hard. I need to have more reaplacement joints too . There might be a medical research study someplace that  will help with some of the experiences you are having....and that would cover the treatment.........I recently turned down a chance to participate in a clinical trial for a new OA med because I was about to have surgery....it's kind of a long shot because clinical trials are scattered throughout the country and have various selection criteria, etc. 

Did you see my blog about wheelchair basketball?  It's kind of fun....maybe there is some way you can do some modified sport or sometimes I do modified yoga while sitting in a dining room chair in my living room...at least it's something....

The job thing is hard too....I am supposed to be doing an internship for graduate school right now, and I can't find a site, because most of the buildings have "one or two steps" and I am not able to do that.  It's embarrassing to me...twenty years of being really good at my work and I can't get a foot in the door, literally. So just to "fight back" in my head, I started a business plan of my own....whether I do it or not is one thing. It takes my mind off the problems and gets me into solutions...I DO have a lot of skills, and if I get the thing finished and still can't find a job, then by gosh and golly I will start one of my own. Screw  "them"! 

my disability application for federal disability.....my lawyer said my practicum is not work.... it's a "class" not work., because I am being given a grade, and still learning.....so it's not impossible to go that route...it just takes a little longer and more appeals. 

I have days when it's hard to get out of the house.  I try yo just step out my front door and sit in the sun for a few minutes.  

I go online to some online food groups like this one and others, and that helps to get rid of  the isolation on those days. 

My friend had WLS in Mexico  and it was just fine, no insurance hassles, and she got follow up in the US with her doctors, and then when she got her insurance, saw a WLS doctor...cost her about 4,000.00 out the door....saved half her student loan for one full year and did it over the summer.  On the cheap. 

at any rate, I have every confidence that something will give, and there will be a way out of the circle of crazies for you. Keep trying, and keep trying....way will open.  Good luck

My father had some problems similar to yours.  He'd done construction for decades before severe arthritis, aggravated by obesity, made it impossible for him to work anymore.  He tried going back to school, but had to quit when he had knee replacement. He then put on more weight, and also developed type II diabetes, high blood pressure, and sleep apnea.

He ended up getting on disability, which paid for him to have RNY. He's lost almost 200 lbs.  His pain has decreased so much, he no longer needs the other knee replaced, he's talking about taking classes again, and he is now able to do volunteer work.  No full time job, not because he's not capable, but because he's now over 65, so he's officially retired. 

You might look into getting disability and having them pay for the surgery.  Afterwards, you may be able to go back to work, and if not, you'd still have the disability income. It's not an ideal situation, but it worked out so well for my dad that I'm now looking into WLS for myself.