My 5 year old son severly obese....HELP

I get my son once a month for a weekend. I was never married to his mother. To make a long story short My son was a normal weight baby and his mother got married around two years ago and moved a state away. She got divorced about a year ago and lives at home with her parents. I had to get emergancy temp custody with her mother (who my son lives with as well as his mother). His mother has not had a job in 4 years. My son is currently 5.5 years old 4 foot tall and weighs 100.5 lbs. I have repeditly expressed to them my consern over his weight. But they say he does not over eat. When ever he stays with me after he eats its not a hour later before he starts begging for food. I always refuse him more and tell him he just ate and lunch and or snack is not that far away. His mother/grandmother/grandfather say that he does not over eat and they walk him to school so he gets excersise. He is so large he cannot even wipe his bottom and my son told me at school his grandmother asked him to "hold it"..Is that right? What age is a kid have to be before he can wipe his own bottom. Over the last few years I have based my life on getting him once a month. I have thought about getting custody but many more factors come in to it than just getting him ie. my wife and my relationship, I work full time and have another business that requires me to be away in the evening and my son is so "attached, dependant and wraped up into this family that I think he would have a mental breakdown if he left. What are the effects of a 5.5 year old that weighs twice of what he should? When I take him out to eat or shopping people look at me and my wife "his step mom" like we are killing him. My wife and I feed him fresh home made meals everytime he stays with us and we are in pretty good shape. I am at wits end and feel so sorry for him.

I think you'll get a lot more responses if you post this on the Main board---this board specializes in Arthritis problems.

Yes, please do post on the main board.  It sounds very complex.  Focus on what you CAN do, and keep loving him no matter what.  If he is used to snacking through the day, and then comes to you for a weekend, it is not surprising that he is hungry.  His body demands it.  It may be that the craving built up results in even more eating when he goes back to his mother.  I have no clue how I would handle this - except it seems that it is family issue and not just about your little boy.  Maybe if you prepared ahead of time, before he comes for a visit... and have all kinds of fresh food choices with delicious no fat dips so on an so forth that he can have at any time.  Join him!  I think professional help for you and your spouse in how to deal with this could be very useful.  Good luck!

you should be very careful that he does not know you are concerned about these things like the weight especially as you may cause a self esteem problem. believe me the peers are giving him plenty of a hard time. work on his diet and exercise without signaling him out. /everybody eats healhty together better for US ALL! My garndaughter had a similiar problem added fruit weeded out the cupboards of chips, cookies etc. and she plays outside, bike, scooter, runs, walks at least an hour a day during school time and more so weekends and holidays etc. Turn off , disconnect the Blue ray, video games, Ds, etc. Watch the drinks too go sugarfree, crystal light etc. Walk the dog together as a family. But please don't hurt his feelings or show ill feelings towards him. Next time someone stares at your son, say to them EXCUSE ME is there a problem? People are idiots like a 5 yr old did this all by himself! I can feel for your child I am him 50 years later had RNY and still hurting from the cruelty of the public! and even my own Family! Stand up for him and help him without sinaling him out.

Very complex, but I wouldn't be able to live without having my 4 year old in my life. I say get custody, and let your new wife be your support in changing his life. God bless.