I failed, not the surgery.

(I apologize if you've already seen this under a different forum.  I wasn't sure where I should post it, so I thought I'd try a couple of different places because I'm sort of desparate!  Thanks for your patience!)

I just want to be clear about that.  But my story is a bit unusual.  Anyone out there willing to read my story and maybe offer some help?  Here goes:

I had a great surgeon but l had my first bowel obstruction while I was still in the hospital recovering from my RNY surgery. (This was May 2007)
Seven months later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, then thyroid cancer.  I had to have a double mastectomy and chemotherapy.  As I was going through this, I was also diagnosed with Sjogren's syndrome.  At this point, losing weight was not exactly my top priority.  I ate what I could when I could and didn't feel bad about it at all.  I was looking death in the face and losing weight just didn't matter all of a sudden.  While all of this is going on, I was rushed into emergency surgery to fix a hole in my stomach.  Next, the bowel obstructions began.  I think I had a total of about six.  I just don't have the exact number in front of me.  I know I was in the ER about every 2 months throwing up bowel contents because I was obstructed.  After each surgery to correct the obstruction, I would have to have surgery to fix an incisional hernia that would occur afterward.  It was like some horrible never-ending cycle of surgeries.  I finally had a huge piece of mesh put into my abdomen that seems to have stopped both the obstructions and the hernias. Fast forward to today.  I haven't had to have surgery for about a year and a half now.  I am also in full remission with no signs of cancer, thank God!

Here's where I failed:  

Not only did I fall back into my habits of extremely poor eating but because of my Sjogren's syndrome, I am unable to eat without drinking at the same time.  As I understand it, Sjogren's is a type of autoimmune disorder that attacks the mucous membranes of the body.  My mouth gets terribly dry.  Eating without drinking isn't do-able.  So here I am, having gone through a hellish couple of years but glad to be a survivor.  Unfortunately, though I actually took all of my weight off and then some (because I was so sick) I have now put all but about 50 pounds back on.  Because of my surgery, I now have no valves just a hole at the bottom of my pouch which has stretched to probably at least something closely resembling a regular stomach and because I have to drink while I eat, the food just gets "washed down the drain" and I feel as though I haven't eaten a thing within 15 minutes of having eaten a meal.

I'm under the impression that surgery cannot be reversed unless it looks like you'd die without it being done.  (Is this true?)  The insurance that I have now will not cover any type of bariatric procedure.  I am hypoglycemic, considerably malnourished, anemic, have to receive B-12 injections....but not about to keel over.  I'm afraid if I'm like this now, I'll be in a world of hurt in 20 years.  So, if I'm only experiencing the "cons" of the surgery but none of the "pros", I want to have it reversed.  Can this be done?  Can anybody help me?  I'm not trying to scare anyone off or even badmouth the surgery.  I just happen to be one of the few people who had a host of traumatic health complications some related to the surgery and some not.  My weight gain is completely my fault, though I feel helpless to be able to effectively use this tool now because of my inability to eat without drinking...not to mention the fact that my pouch has grown considerably.  (this has been confirmed with my many abdominal procedures)

Anyone?

All the best to you all...I hope your experiences are all what you hope them to be.

Jennifer

I don't have any advice for you, and my surgeon told me reversing the RNY is "a mess".  What I do have for you are my thoughts, prayers, and empathy.  I do not like that you are telling yourself you failed.  You DID NOT fail.  You survived.  You beat the odds.  You faced some horrible obstacles and you are still alive.   You are obviously an amazingly strong woman, and I have no doubt you can keep those 50 pounds off.    I wish so much success and happiness for you!

 

Thank you~

So glad that you are in full remission with no signs of cancer and wishing you a positive change in your situation.

As was already said, you did not fail, your body seems to have a mind all it's own and unless a doctor can tell you what you might do to offset some of the things you HAVE to do, then I say, live life, enjoy each day and vow that while, due to conditions of health, you will do all you can to not gain back that last 50 lbs. . . 

Best wishes and hoping that your cancer stays in remission and that you can find peace in knowing you've done all you could.

Laureen

Thanks, everybody!  I'm on Atkins and losing weight slowly now.  Seems like I went through an AWFUL lot of crap to get where I am now, though...

Laureen, I see your from Maple Shade...I'm from Burlington County...Willingboro, originally.  That was many years ago though when it was a really nice place to live.  I've heard not so much now, though.  My brother retired from the Marlton PD.  I miss the shore terribly!  Small world...

Indeed it is a small world. . .  I visited Colorado about 8 years ago, said had I gone there before, I'd have looked to live there instead of this extremely expensive state I landed in after having lived in NYC all my life, and yes, NYC is expensive, but at least the payscale meets the cost of living, whereas in NJ, if you're not a doctor, lawyer, banker, professional athlete or other "professional", you are weighed down with taxes and expenses. . .   oh my, ranting here (lol). . .  it is beautiful though and I think I'd have a hardtime being landlocked, moved down here to be near my son and the grandchildren he and his lovely wife have given me in the past 7 years. . .  all things change. . .  I'm happy to read that you have found a solution that is working and Atkins kind of is the way our bodies work best post-op. . .  protein and low carb. . .

Lauren, I don't think you failed at all. You simply weren't the right candidate for the surgery, but you found out too late. I also have a dry mouth, although I have no disease process that I know of. I tend to take a small sip of water before a bite, swirl it around with the food and then swallow. Can you do do something like that? or swish liquid and spit it out, then eat? Or, and I'm sorry to suggest this, go back to protein drinks at least until you're no longer malnourished?

Lady if you beat all those horrid things no one should have to go thru, don't say you failed. You fought the big C so you can fight this weight too. You are unstoppable I have faith in you. Hugs