I know this sounds dumb....

hey everyone!!
I have a question and I'm a little embarassed to even ask it....
to those of you who had WLS...did you ever regret getting it done because you didn't feel like you got your "me" time in?? I'm a 27 year old mother of 3 kids, i had my first at 17 and my last when i was 22, I'm done having kids....but now i feel like it's my time to have a little fun now that they're getting older...i've always put myself on the back burner and i want to do things for myself...i am over weight, i have to lose approx. 120lbs to be at a normal weight. i don't have any co-morbids, i take pain meds which i hate cuz they knock me on my butt, and other than some self image issues once and a while, i feel fine.
i know it sounds like i'm not ready for surgery, but i have been doing research and trying to get my facts straight first, there's a couple things that scare me. i have a family friend who got it done in the states and on the way home she got really sick, she's almost died 4 times and has been in and out of the hospital for over a year, she's lost the weight but it's more due to the fact of being so sick, not the actual surgery. Plus, everyone is different, you can't predict how you're going to react to such a trauma, i've read of ppl getting very depressed right after surgery and actually regretting it. It's also mentioned in a book about WLS that I recently finished reading. When you have a love for food that got you into the position you're in now, how do you cope?? I'm starting to ramble, haha, I guess i just have some stuff to vent out, that's all...
is there anyone out there that regretted getting surgery because they thought they weren't ready due to wanting a bit of a party scene???? i've heared you can't drink alcohol....well not for the first 6 mos after anyways....but i guess i can gear my question more to 'do you feel like you're missing out'? while your friends are having fun and you're sitting there waiting to go home because you know you can't have the type of fun they're having....it's just my thoughts and i'm hoping to get some feedback on them because i'm just trying to get a feel for how it may be after surgery....i don't want to regret anything and any input would help!!
thanks!!

joanne

well... the interesting thing is that i feel like i can have MORE fun now that i've had the surgery and lost (a lot of) the weight!!!  i can go to sporting events and concerts and clubs and the shore and amusement parks without having to worry that i'm not going to fit, or will be out of breath or will be sweating like a pig from dancing (i get REALLY cold these days!!!).  some doctors tell you you can drink and some doctors tell you you can't drink and i don't necessarily believe that drinking = having fun (don't get me wrong-- i certainly believe in having an adult beverage from time to time but it isn't the only "fun thing" out there).

as far as "missing" foods is concerned.... well, sometimes i DO think to myself "gosh i really loved such and such food" when it's in front of me.  and once in a while i will take a bite of someone's dessert or chicken parm or something.  but i won't buy it or cook it or keep it anywhere near where i could have access to it.  there are a lot of healthy alternatives and when you REALLY want to change the way you live and how your body looks and feels and works you will savor those alternatives and be grateful for them.

but if you really feel like you have a need to "sow your wild oats" (with food and drink), maybe it is NOT the time to have surgery.  i think i was in such a state about 3 or 4 years ago where i was not ready.  last year i decided, "i am so fed up with being fat-- NO MORE!!!  I AM DONE!!!"  hopefully i'll be able to continue a healthy lifestyle.

best of luck in your journey. 

I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, no.  In fact, I would say the opposite.  I missed out on stuff when I was overweight.  I couldn't take long walks because I got too tired and out of breath.  I recently took a trip to an indoor water park.  I couldn't have done that when I was so overweight.  For one, I would have been embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit.  For another thing, there were weight limits on some of the water slides.  I would have been heavy to go on them.

I go out with my friends, and I don't just sit there waiting to go home because I can't have the type of fun they're having.  I pretty much do have the type of fun my friends have.  I mean, I can't eat as much as they can now, but that doesn't mean I have less fun.  I enjoy the food I do eat, and I enjoy the conversation, and I have fun.  I can't drink a lot, but I never was a big drinker anyway, and neither are my friends.  I can have one drink if I want to, which is plenty.  Mostly I skip it.  But if you want to drink a lot and stuff, you might want to put off having surgery.

Kelly

I am six years post surgery and I have to say that I DO have some regrets, but feel that they aren't due to thinking that I'm missing out on any fun in my life.  I can eat almost anything I desire (note the "almost" there) and I do have an occassional drink. One thing I can tell you about alcohol is it hits you FAST and is through your system even faster. I am not condoning over drinking under any cir****tance, just as I wouldn't condone over eating, especially to someone who puts themself through something as drastic as SURGERY.  I too did not have any co-morbids, except for pain in my knees and acid reflux. You need to look at your age and more importantly your health.  Being at a healthy weight will let you feel better ABOUT yourself and in turn, continue to be a good mother and a HEALTHY one that will be around longer for her kids to love!  If the surgeries today are anything like mine was, you will go through some intensive psychotherapy and counseling in order to see if you are mentally ready for the surgery. It was required by my surgeon.  Those sessions helped me decide for certain whether or not I was ready.  I did postpone it once, but went through it after thinking about it for another month. I still eat fun foods and DO fun things. The surgery might help you get off those pain meds also, but not sure as I don't know what you're taking them for.  My knees don't hurt me as much, however... and here's the big HOWEVER... I feel that I traded my extra weight and the problems that came with it for the existing problems I have now, which mainly relate to digestion.  I have had nothing but pain in my intestines since the surgery, and I'm talking E.R. trips pain.  It is mainly due to gas, bloating and constipation.  I don't know if others have that problem as well, but mine is very real.  I'm taking the long way in saying think long and hard about what you'll be getting rid of for what you might be getting!  You'll lose weight, you'll look better, you'll feel better about yourself, but you might be trading off some things for others.  Just make sure you go into the decision to have surgery with wide open eyes after having done all your research.  These surgery discussion groups were a treasure trove of answers to all my questions and the people were wonderful.  I do enjoy being LESS of the woman I was before, but I just wish I could have less pain along with all the good stuff that came with the surgery. Would I do it all again if I could?? Hmm, I'm not sure.  I would probably opt for the lap-band instead, but I do realize that the effects may not be as long-term for it as it is with the bypass.  I had the RNY.  Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

I truly don't want to sound harsh, I am very much a realist. With that said. I honestly think that you are feeling that you want to live your childhood/teen years/young adulthood. You had children early. You haven't had any time for you...I totally get that! I don't think that is weight related, for the most part.
I think you need to re-assess your reasons for wanting surgery. I don't regret it one bit. I think it was the best decision I have made, simply because I want to be here for my children! I need to be healthy for them. Don't get me wrong, I always make time for me! You can't be there for them if you are not well yourself. The party scene is just not a reason to have surgery. And it can lead to bigger problem if you have a transfer addiction. Read up on that a little. Many WLS patients transfer their food addiction to something else like drinking. I have heard of two horrible instances of drinking after surgery.
Good luck with your decision. Take care of yourself. You will LOVE your new self if you are approved and go through with surgery. But be careful too!