Am I the only one??

FYI: Open RNY 7/18/07

I'm not doing bad as far as being in pain or anything along those lines, but my mind is playing games with me. I realize how much I depended on food before the surgery. I am literally BORED out of my mind now.

I have done nothing but cry and regret since I've gotten home. I'm not hungry, but I want to eat for something to do. I feel so lost without being able to eat what I want when I want. I haven't even been able to bring myself to follow my surgeon's aftercare diet. I have just been taking in whatever will stay in my tummy.

Hopefully when I return back to school, my time won't drag and I won't feel so bored. I feel so ridiculous about crying so much about not being able to eat what i want. I definitely was NOT ready for this surgery! But now that I've went through it, I have no choice but to adjust. My stomach won't allow otherwise! I feel like I should've waited and tried to lose weight when I was ready and tried other things before getting WLS, honestly, I didn't try as hard as I could've. I feel so selfish because I can't take care of my husband right now and that was pretty much my only purpose in life. I just don't know what to do now. I don't know how to get past this step. I feel so stuck like these feelings will never go away and I will always cry, be bored, and feel lost and useless to the world.

At this point, I dont even care if I lose weight, I just want my life back.


How did you overcome this? Any suggestions?

Tamara, find something to do! Start doing something with your hands, that helps alot.  Don't look to fix this in a month or two-fix it now. Remember the doctor doesn't fix our heads and that  is a big problem I found. I too still have the same issues as you. I either walk, paint(pictures), clean, shop anything other than the food for thought that was my problem when I got out.  try not to regret what you did, instead look to the future with some awesome plans. Hang in there and if you can't control the feelings, get some help. Its not worth ruining your life for what you might have been able to do(and you know deep down it wouldn't have worked). Hugs kelly

Tamara, I was so there three years ago. I had my surgery on July 20 and I think I was posting ten days later that I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. But I hadn't. There are a couple of things for you to think about. First, and foremost, you had major surgery with anesthetics and follow-up drugs. These often make us weepy and sad no matter what kind of surgery we have.  You have pegged your emotions perfectly in terms of food. We have a "relationship" with food and, especially at the beginning, we have severed it. Eventually, you will be able to eat real food again and, hopefully, form a healthier relationship with it. Last, if you are planning on taking care of your husband for years to come, WLS may be the solution. Not being able to care for him for a short while is a small sacrifice for the long term benefits. If I could, I would give you a great big hug, pat your back and tell you that it will be all right. I am telling you, I started to turn it around on day 12 - swear to God - hopefully yours will be soon as well. Try to take care of yourself and know that you have done the right thing for your future. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Hugs, Judi (A former Navy wife - still have the husband, not the Navy :-)

Tamara, Hang in there, I'm with you100%. My surgery was 7/20 and I could have written you posting myself. Like you I miss food but it won't be long till we can enjoy many of the things that we did in the past, just not in the same proprotions. This phase, this darn Full Liquids is tough, I'm moving onto Pureed on Friday, you should be too, right? Take a deep breath and know that in time you'll enjoy smaller portions of food and be much slimmer and heathier for it. I'm here for ya, kiddo!

Tamara, i think everybody has those feelings in the beginning. remember none of us became overweight because we didn't enjoy food, most of us "loved" to eat.  trust me when i say, you will find a new "normal" to life that you will now love.  i had my open RNY on 02/03/03 at 21 years old and i initially took 6 weeks off of work because my work offered me that amount of time.  well, by the time i hit 4 weeks, i couldn't take it anymore of siting in the house watching my boyfriend and young daughter eat and drink all they could and all i could do was sip,sip,sip...... so i went back to work 2 weeks early.  now i must have been pretty desperate to go back early when i was still getting paid to be home!!! once i went back to work and my days were filled with my normal routine things started falling into place, seriously!

Now, not to mention when my mom brought me home from the hospital from the surgery she went and got McDonalds for her, my boyfriend, and my daughter for lunch.  i could have KILLED her, but looking back now i'm glad she did it because it showed me that i was going to have to overcome challanges with the surgery and life period.  take one day at a time and i promise it will get better. 

Good luck with everything!!!

Frances

Girl I was like what the hell did I do to myself, for a long while I wonted to scream every time my husband took a bite of food .I look back at those days now and just laugh  it takes time but you will in time be thankful that you had the surgery but early on it is so very hard or it was for me everything will be OK for you

I felt the same way after surgery but it will pass, I promise you.  Now I eat and really don't want to.  At first I felt sorry for myself and didn't know what to do with myself and would end up crying.   Now that I can have what I want, I take two bites and I am done.  It just takes time and you will be happy you did it.   Hugs, Esther

Wow, I just found your post....I haven't had surgery yet, I'm still researching and will go to a seminar next month. Your posts and everyone who posted after you made me realize something I just never thought of.......... It is about a relationship without food and you are mourning the loss just as if food was a person and that person died! When you put it in that perspective you can see how food has become your "mate" so to speak, I just never thought of it that way.... I guess it really is an addiction! I hope you will come on here and write to your hearts content until you feel better and get past this. I hope that you will consider getting counseling too because that will really help you. For me reading this has put food into a whole new catagory. Let me explain. I divorced my husband while my daughter was fairly young and within 6mos. I was married again. At some point in the year and a half we were married he abused my daughter, I left him and turned him in. I knew that my daughter's life was way, way more important than this man I had married but the hard part came when I had to think of life without this man. I truly loved him, I loved him so much HE was like an addiction too me. Here I was in the middle of this situation with two people who I loved with all of my heart and I had to choose to believe one of them...Of course like I said I chose my daughter but that didn't mean even though I hated that he had hurt my daughter that the love in me for him had died it was still there and I had to learn to deal with it. I didn't deal with it for a long time but the fact that I loved my daughter and would die for her kept me away from him....he was a really bad person, evil, and sick and had he not abused her I'd probably stayed with him because my love for him was blind. So I guess what I am trying to say is that when you compare food addiction to other types of addictions or situations where you could be hurt it makes sense that you would not want that in your life even if you have to hurt awhile in order to heal and you will heal but it just takes time! Like other additions, I think the best way to begin to heal is to talk, talk, talk....you've got to get it out there and talk about it because that makes you feel better. Something else you might consider, everytime you feel bad about having surgery take a dollar and stick it in a jar somewhere and once you have gotten past this point in the process, count your money and go out and buy ya something new:) I wish you the best of luck! Kellie

This was why it was important to go through the psychiatric  evaluation prior to surgery, the psychologist went over all the things that I might use to take the place of food, and he claims that many people become alcoholic or even gamblers when they replace the food in the wrong way. I found the discussion amazing... yet very understandable. These professionals should be able to tell if you are a high risk or low risk for developing depression or new addictions after surgery. He also told me that one of the safest and most helpful things to do if I begin feeling like I'm losing control, or depressed, or anything unhealthy..is to go to my regular doc and ask for an anti depressant. He seems to think it has a great deal to do with getting over these humps. I know that sounds abrupt, but it does kind of make sense,    k~

Hey, I felt similar after surgery as well. It feels like you're missing something, like a friend died; the comfort zone. The surgery is an amazing help. Besides being a tool to help you learn to eat and re-train yourself, it is also a constant motivational reminder. You probably really wanted it if you went through with it all, since it's not easy. It's normal to wonder if its the right thing, because you can become nervous about all the new changes. Theres so many big lifelong changes that seem so scary since this isn't a "diet" it's a "lifestyle" so it's even scarier b/c you'll actually keep it up this time knowing how bad you want it. Some days will always be harder then others. Head hunger will be the worst enemy on certain days. Just go one day at a time, if you mess up you just pick up as soon as you can and get back on the path. Good luck!!