wasted time

my wife went under the knife some years ago for this surgery.  it was a rollercoaster of a ride with the approvals, denials, switching surgery dates, etc etc.  i stayed pretty much out of it all because it was her decision but i did tell her i supported that decision. she did great for the first year and the most of the second. then the weight started creeping back.  more and more of it.  her fault.  she did not exercise like the doc said to nor did she watch her diet.  she ate, and still eats, junk. now she is almost back to where it all started. being the spouse and watching all this happen just makes me think of the wasted time and energy that went into all this. i wish there were stats for weight gain after the surgery.  i'm willing to bet it's alot higher that what people expect.

This is precisely WHY most programs REQUIRE candidates to jump through so many hoops.  The procedure is only a tool, it's only the beginning of a life-long commitment to change. I too, knew people prior to my surgery who had RNY and either stalled out or gained some weight back.  But it was entirely due to their inability to stay commited to a lifelong eating plan. The stats for weight gain after the surgery will bear this out - the largest percentage of long-term re-gain occurs from non-compliance.  A smaller percentage is from actual mechanical failure.  Weight loss is STILL a matter of calories in-calories out - that doesn't change.  The only thing that changes is the stomch gets smaller.  But people learn soon enough that they can still overeat - they just graze over the day instead of taking it all in at one sitting as in the past. Everyone who gets this surgery is told this information.  They sign a waiver acknowledging they're aware that this surgery isn't a guarantee of 100% weight loss and lifetime maintenance. If your wife "truly" didn't know this - she either ignored the information, or her program was negligent in not emphasizing it.

oh, she had all the stuff.  i even went to a meeting or two with her.  i read all her stuff.  surgery, exercise, watch food intake.  she didn't bother with the last two.  it's her fault.  i would remind her about those.  then it came to nagging.  then it was "i give up".  now she complains that when she walks the dogs her pelvis hurts like it did before the surgery.  we got a treadmill because she just had to have one.  it would help.  i think she has been on it maybe 5 times in the three months we have had it. what do you do?  lead by example?  ok, been low carbing  and / or watching the calorie thing.  so far i have lost 25 lbs.  her?  hard to tell if any.  i can'****ch her at work.  so what can one do?  nothing.

YOUR A GREAT HUSBAND BY SUPPORTING HER EVEN IF YOU KNOW SHE NOT DOING WHAT SHE IS SUPPOSE TO DO,CAN YOU GO BACK TO THE NUTRITIONIST OR DIETICIAN THAT SHE SAW PRIOR TO SURGERY AND MAYBE THEY CAN PUT HER BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK, SHE HAS COME TO FAR TO GIVE UP NOW SHE NEEDS TO BE COMMITED TO THIS FOR THE REST ON HER LIFE. REMEMBER THIS IS NOT A CURE FOR OBESITY IT IS JUST A TOOL TO HELP HER FIGHT IT!!!!!!                   GOOD LUCK ,                                               JENNIFER V

From all of the research that I did prior to weight loss surgery, there was a lot of emphasis on the fact that it is just a tool to help you follow a diet plan.  It took me a few years to finally admit that I needed this tool because my question was always if dieting is required, why go through the surgery.  I continued to try to diet to no avail so I finally broke down and had the surgery.  I continue to diet as I did before the surgery however I can stick to it because my stomach is smaller, I don't like fried foods anymore and my body dumps some of the calories. The biggest difference is that I have not gained back any weight.   I have lost 80 pound so far and have about 60 more to lose.  It is still a struggle to lose weight.    I actually started Nutrisystem which some WLS advocates may criticize me for but by supplementing with my protein shakes and fresh vegetables, the convenient meals are helping me to reach my goal.  Good luck to your wife and she is not alone.  Weight loss will always be something that we have to work at, the surgery just gives you a helping hand.  Tell your wife not to give up, just work on finding out how to best use the WLS tool for her.  Some people find that Weigh****chers work for them, others do South Beach.  South Beach, or any low glycemic diet works for me I just didn't have the time to prepare the meals therefore I do Nutrisystem which is also low glycemic.

I thought about having wls for 7 years before I finally committed to going through with it ... Back then, I thought I would have GB and baically be "cured" of my desire to eat, and that my problems would magically disappear.  I am soooo glad that I waited until I did to have surgery b/c I realized during this time that this is not a cure ... It's a tool. The good thing is that your wife still has her tool if and when she is ready to use it.   Annette

There are statistics available about weight regain.  We can expect an average of 10 to 20% regain after the second year.  Of course, that is an average which means some will regain more and some less.  It is a combination of the individual's body (genetics, hormones, metabolism, etc.) and compliance.  It sounds like your wife looked to wls as the solution rather than the tool.  As someone who was obese most of her life, I have to say, I felt like the surgery is what allowed my body to work for me instead of against me when it came to dieting.  Yes, I still have to count calories, proteins, carbs, etc. but now it works. I am sorry for your wife (she probably has some feelings of guilt and failure when even the thing that is supposed to be the solution doesn't work for her).  But it must be hard for you as well.  I hope you both are able to find an okay place with all of this. Sally

Have you looked into counseling?  Sounds like there are a lot of negative feelings you are both dealing (or not) with.  Maybe a trained third party could offer some additional tools for both of you to help her get back  on track and help you not feel resentful, which is a natural way to feel for someone whom has been so supportive for so long.  Just a thought.  I think it's what I would do if in your situation.

I am pre op and hoping to get RNY in 2008. The surgery isn't the answer- it is just a tool. You still have to eat right and excerise.

I am been reading some of Dr. Teri Kai Hotlzclaws stuff on mental health issues related to GB. It is/was scary to me because the surgery is a physical way to assist with a mental issue. It doesn't cure your head or desire....it is just an "assist" you still need to do your work. We are overweight for a reason....and usually it is emotional. That is an ongoing issue to deal with. Dr. Holtzclaw's book (has a workbook too) is available free on line.

http://www.becomeyou.com/


But I do wonder the same thing....will I have what it takes to continue to be successful after the 2 years?? The stats I have seen are that with RNY patiences lose approximately 65% of the excess weight in the first 2 years. After that stats show they regain 20%.....from what I have seen from the folks I know and read on the board it is because folks give up watching what they are eating and stop excerising. I do hope you can encourage your wife to get help with the issues she has....it is a difficult battle. If it wasn't there wouldn't be so many of us wanting to have surgery to "fix" it.

take care, best wishes to you both....

 They don't tell you anything negative....It's easy to say "It's a TOOL" when you don't know what they mean is you can't eat ANYTHING you like and if you have an issue of overeating, you're really in for a rough ride.
 I can't WAIT for the ulcers, malnutrition & feeding tubes, dehydration, forgetfulness, having to get my tube stretched, infections, hair loss, bone loss, constant pain, and all the other wonderful things I've now learned I can look forward to that my dr never mentioned. I feel betrayed by the WLC I went to.  The only negative they mentioned was the usual blah blah about the risk of surgery and how it's just like getting a hernia or gall bladder surgery.  Nothing to worry about.
No one mentioned ANY of the above or any of the 5000 other bad things people are having to deal with from the surgery!