WLS regrets? yes and no.....

thank you Laurie, and you are probably right about divorce already being a seed in his mind, if so, I was blind to it. I have moved on, slowly and cautiously, and my memories are mostly good ones. Bitterness takes too much energy and I cannot be bitter or I could not offer anyone else the companionship that I need. Regardless of the 'real reason' of our marriage breakdown, I am trying to stay positive about weight loss and continue to be supportive to anyone that is considering it. I told my California cousin, "ironically here I am finally.. slim,.. single,.. blonde, and no prospects or retirement in sight." go figure .... I wish you well through your journey, you look great! Hugs and love, Marilyn

Hi Marilyn...my name is Helen...never been on this site before but was reading your post.....men will come up with all kinds of excuses when they want to leave they seem to look for one.....but I too got a divorce in 1996 said I'd never marry again...but they were telling you about date site on line,I got on the date site....dreammates.com they post your profile on all date sites and that's how i met the man i am married to now...i was on that site for 1 yr and 3 months.He sent me a e-mail with phone number frist one i felt comfortable calling but i did call him,we talked on the phone for a month he was from Ft. Lauderdale and I was in Panama city beach, Fl ..he came up to meet me and we have been together ever since..he don't drink ,don't smoke and we have been married almost 2 yrs now and he's wonderful to me.So there is hope and men out there looking for someone like you.I did not want anyone under 65 and my husband was 68 and I'd do it all again....Good luck...Helen

Hi Helen, your answer to my post is most welcome...I would like to meet someone just as a friend. I have tried so many internet dating services and have some cute stories as results. I am not picky, but selective. I don't want to spend the 'golden years' alone.....My life is complete, but empty, if you know what I mean. I am reading your profile and wish you the best with your journey....it is life changing for sure. If you read all my profile you will understand. There was a time I was saving my money to have a reverse done because I could not deal with all the changes, but overall I am glad to have the surgery.I kept a secret daily journal and there were days that I was so depressed after surgery. the eating patterns that one enjoyed was gone and so were friends. I am at at comfortable weight for me, has nothing to do with numbers or sizes, just happiness within. I will try that websight and maybe I can get a 'nibble' who knows? Thank you for posting! Hugs and love, Marilyn

Marilyn dear you are sooo cute. You deserve to be loved for who you are not what you look like. Whether that be big or small. Changes in a persons life will have great impact on any marriage and if he couldn't stick by your side through a good change then you are better off without him. Imagine if something bad happened, he would have ran even faster. You are too cute and too smart for him. You will meet someone, probably when you least expect it. You are right to go for the friendship first and just take it slow and be happy with yourself first and foremost then everything else will fall in place. I hope all works out for you and I will say a prayer for you. Lots of hugs, Missy

Hi Missy, thank you for your kind words,and congratulations on your surgery, 16 pounds !!!! thats great. I think back to all the positive that I've learned and experienced, its worth it. You are absolutely correct, he being rabbit and running when things got tough. I think what hurt the most was..."I didn't have a clue" and to be honest there were other issues too. Oh well, now is the time to move on, right? I wish that one could have all the answers before opting for surgery, we jump fast into thinking all our problems will be solved once we get "slim" and sexy, but not so....yes certain health issues are corrected, but more health issues arise from the surgery...as someone said "one addiction is traded for another addiction." I love to cook, always have ,and when I crave a certain food, I cook and eat it. Problem is, now when I eat that item, I don't want it again for a long time, it usually sits in the frig and ruins. My cravings are still there, but they go as quickly as they begin. The hubby always ate the leftovers, now the puppy gets them and he's getting FAT. I am content with myself and have a lot to offer someone, I'm still waiting. I wish you well with your journey, it will be interesting and mostly pleasant. Hugs and love, Marilyn,

Yes, the divorce rate is really high for WLSers. I've heard that before while researching pre-op. If the relationship was strong before, it only grows stronger after. What alot of people don't realize is without the mask and security of the fat, there's nothing to hide behind anymore. You can't sit there and say "..if only I were skinnier he/she wouldn't be like this.." The confidence gained from the weight loss is alien to our partners. I've been having that problem since 6 months post-op. It's an on-going problem in my 8 year relationship. I've left him and given him a second go at it. He continually wants to leave me because the whole experience with having other men as competition is nothing he's ever been used to before. He doesn't know how to handle it. Before he could treat me however he wanted, now he knows that if he can't maintain me as a girlfriend, I have ABSOLUTELY no problem replacing him. It's a whole new world for him. Not one he's always happy to be living in. Don't let the statistics scare you. All the surgery does is bring to the forefront underlying issues already in existence. The only difference is they can't be ignored anymore. No more turning the other cheek... YOu are a beautiful woman. I would've never guessed 60 yrs...Wow. I only hope to look as amazing. I hope you the best of luck finding a partner to share your life with. They are out there! Just have to know where to look. The community center definitely sounds like a good place to check out. They always have activities and events where you can meet people. Good luck! Lap

Young Lady, you have made an amazing transformation, and you have had the knowledge all along the way. Only now you have the confidence to go with it! Thank you so much for the boost to my moral. The simple truth is...once a person gets to where they want to be in life and deal with certain factors all along the way, they pick up wisdom and experience. I am now much wiser, cautious, and looking forward to the next adventure. I wish you happiness with your relationship, and hope you make some wise choices, you know the answers already! Hugs and love, Marilyn

Hi Marilyn, I too have gotten divorced after the WLS... It was a long hard road for me as I had alot of problems afterwards... Like you. I didn't know the divorce rate was so high, I also miss my old life ALOT at times but, I would do the surgery all over again.. Like the young lady who posted to you, men THINK cuz your overweight and not confident about urself that they can treat ya like dirt if they choose to.. We at the time, don't realize this or CHOOSE not to see it for fear of being alone so we just accept it.. Not me, not anymore.. I have gained back 50Lbs but still not the person I was before the surgery... I've become very very independant now and I LOVE IT... I'm also looking into a revision, a bit scared but I don't want to go back to the old me EVER.. You are a beautiful woman, I'm sure you will meet someone that will rock ur socks soon enough! :sexy: lol Hugs, Crys

Hi Crys, I'm sorry that you too had to go thru all the hurt and anger that one has to go thru to gain confidence from a divorce, no matter what the reason. We seem to suck up our disappointment and try to begin all over and learn from our mistakes. I'm not so sure that weight was an issue, but I am not going to disect it over and over again. Yes I miss the old days, but mostly because I don't have anyone to share the new days with. I am more confident about my looks, and strutt my stuff too, which I did not have the confidence to do 6 years ago, but was happy and secure (?). I guess what I'm trying to say is "I've been on both sides of the road, fat and happy, skinny and lonely" and its all the same to me. I don't have the health issues I did, and as the proffessionals advise...I will now live longer....hmmmm. I admire and respect what WLS has to offer as a cure for some health concerns, but my son-in-law is a doctor and has clued me in on a lot of negatives too.(after the fact). For the ones that are considering surgery, it can be a great thing. Just be sure which side of the road you want to travel on. Thank you for your post, and my socks are still on my feet waiting to be knocked off Hugs and Love, Marilyn

Marilyn, I too have had some serious heartache and regrets! I do not regret my health. I however have lost my husband. He was VERY supportive and LOVING and I truly believe my soulmate. After not being able to satisfy my food addiction any longer, I developed other addicitions. The aftermath of the lies and the deceit was a lose of the one I love the most in this world. I am not working on my recovery and making the one I love the most in this world ME! I now realize I can't love anyone until I can love myself! All my best in your continue journey! You are a beautiful woman and you will find the man for you! Take care and please continue to share your new information. I feel that there is not enough education prior to our surgeries! Hugs, ~Van