WLS regrets? yes and no.....

I lost 145 pounds, and my husband. Yes I'm much healthier and feel oh-so- much better, but,....I lost my best friend/husband also. I had surgery in 2001, he and I divorced in 2003. I still am not clear on the why's or what for's.. I just go on day by day. I am nearing 60 (next month) and for the most part, a attractive lady, energetic, christian, and would like to just share conversation with a gentleman. They are not to be found at my age. Would I have the surgery again?????hmmmm, thats a tough question, my health say's yes...if I had known I would loose my best friend, lover, pal, fishing buddy, camping fellow.....no. I am not trying to discourage anyone from making a decision about WLS, just the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say. Hugs and love, Marilyn

{{{Marilyn}}}} I'm so sorry you lost your husband . That's a high price to pay for wieght loss. Have you ever tried any of the Internet services available for getting together? I can't think of that one that's so highly marketed at the moment....Uh, is it just matchmaker.com? (That doesn't seem right...) The one I'm thinking of was founded by a Christian guy, but doesn't cater exclusively to Christians.

I have tried several so called "dating services," which were not only disappointing, but expensive. Do not let my post discourage you or anyone that is considering WLS, it is a powerful tool, and life changing. I don't think I was ready for that last change though. I have days that I miss my old life...with lots of good memories, but I am healthier now. Thank you for caring, and good luck with your journey. Hugs and love, Marilyn

Marilyn, so sorry that your husband didn't stay..... You are right that we don't bargain to lose life as we know it....and I think most WLS pt's are unware of the 80% divorce rate after WLS. I am glad you are enjoying good health. Have you thought about joining your local senior group? I know here is CA our seniors go everywhere. You might also consider a local service club like the Rotary, Lions, or Kiwani's. You may meet a whole group of new people and who knows. I also this the internet one Elizabeth was mentioning was www.eharmony.com . I hear many successes from this group. I wish you all the best, Robin

Hi Robin, I didn't realize the divorce rate was that high for WLS patients, hmmmm, thats interesting. I read of all the success stories, how happy the people are, life being geat, etc, etc. and I get envious, please don't misunderstand me...I am happy for them and would never wish my experience on anyone. People need to know that not only is death from WLS a possibility, divorce is another. If one does all the proper research on this surgery, as I did, and considered the risks, should also be aware that the breakdown of a marriage ia another risk. I smile when I add that my grown children think I should be content to be alive and healthy, nevermind that I am lonely, divorced, and struggle to keep motivated. I have not thought of any civic clubs, thats a good idea. I think I will check them out...I did try eharmony and met this pitiful, boney fellow, that his ex wife was in a mental hospital, he was raising 2 grandchildren, and yada, yada. I ran like hell. Thank you for responding, Hugs and love, Marilyn

Hi Marilyn, I do wish you the best and hope you do try the civic clubs. I have a senior friend 70's who husband won't go so she takes trips around the country with senior tour groups, she loves it. I know what you mean about the divorce rate... I am 43 and it is hard even at this age to find good men without baggage. I too would run as you did from the guy at e-harmony. I think most people just attibute the divorces after WLS to other issue and society as a whole. And yes I think for many when we find our voices and now look great many marriages change and can't survive. Dr. Phil actually had a pt that her husband was disgusted by the extra skin, this another issue that no one really acknowledges before surgery. As for divorce I remember when I started nursing school in the early 80's. We were told in orientation if we were married or had a SO we wouldn't when we were finished, they weren't kidding. Because of the stress, etc about 80% were divorced, separated or on their own again. I am not sure what this says for society. But I do wish you the best and hope you do find a great friend to share your life with. My favoriite movie is Must Love Dogs. If you haven't seen it check it out and you will know what I mean. It kinds of represents us. Take care, Robin

I will definately check that movie out, Robin. My surgeon never addressed any issues before surgery, such as hernia's, reflux, vitamin dependacy, depression, and other issues that could be and ARE real. The divorce was an extra bonus. I wish you well and happiness. Hugs and love, Marilyn

Robin~ Can I ask where you got that 80% divorce rate after WLS statistic? I'd be interested in reading that study. Who did it? I'd love to see it. Michelle

Hi Robin, I, roo, would like to know where the 80% Divorce Rate data came from. I have never heard that before and I think I am very well-versed on WLS. Please post the source if you have it...or was it your surgeon who said that? Thanks, Karen 9/12/06, Lap RNY, Dr. Shawn Garber 5'8" 298 / 283 / 150 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Hey Marilyn, You are BEAUTIFUL, and a new man will come your way. Maybe your husband leaving was in his mind before you had the surgery and your surgery was the excuse he needed to make his move. The divorce rate is so high in society, that I think the 80% has a LOT more to do with general society, not so much WLS issues. I have spoken with a lot of people who found their inner self and true self-worth post-op and have found their voice to stand up for themselves following years of abuse for being obese (even if just mental abuse.) I did get divorced within 1 year of my marriage, but it was the best thing I ever could have done for myself. I realized that I was a good person, being treated very wrongly. I didn't deserve what I was going through, neither did the kids. Did it hurt? Yes, have I healed now? Mostly...do I regret leaving him? No. I have a peace within my life and my children are so much happier now too...I love myself again, and in return, have been able to love again. You seem like a very grounded, intelligent, nice lady and someone will find you...when you are not looking. Being alone without someone is better then being lonely with someone. Hope that makes sense to you. Good luck!!!! Laurie