Mental health and surgery

I have left a few posts on different sites. Need a release and to hear voices from the other side! No support groups around me so I am on my own. (except for occassional reads of this site and feedback) I am one week out (postop Open RNY) and having some major mental breakdowns. All my energy was getting this surgery to be paid by insurance, surgery happened immmediately after all the phonecalls and wrangling but now I am mentally nuts and depressed!! I was not living life and unhappy at 355lbs but yet I could eat what I wanted, when i wanted.(not healthy...I know) I think now I am shocked to have had to have this surgery, freaked that my weightloss history has made this be my final chance at longterm weightloss and that I am so scared of the feeling of being deprived, hungry and counting every bloody calorie for the rest of my life. Will I ever just be able to sit down and have a sandwich or filet mignon?? I know life will be better, too many people are friggin happy on this site for it not to be a good thing. I guess I'm angry I love food, and am adddicted to food and my body type could not handle it. My husband is skinny and makes cakes and cookies and whatever else and never gains an ounce. Just call me Mrs. Cynical cuz I am miserable and just want some peace, happiness and to still one day be able to enjoy food. Enjoy not abuse, this I know! I just want to buy a chicken pita with tzatiki and be only able to eat part of it because I am full...but still..be able to buy one! Is this too much to ask???! P.S. I take anti depressants and the crushed pill thing is not working. Just kill me now if they want me to continue forcing this putrid crap down my throat. I may attempt to swallow the small pill and see what happens or just stop taking the drug and then end up going pyschotic in my neighbourhood. Hope some one has some words of hope, Miserable

Whatever you do, don't stop your medications! I have tried it, and think that it is a large part of the reason that I am at this place. The crushed pill thing really stinks, especially considering the sheer volume of the amount of pills that I take. Try breaking them up with a pill cutter and swallow the much smaller portions that way-made a huge difference for me. Your husband, no offense, needs to take his cakes and cookies to work and keep them out of the house. Yes, you will be able to buy food, only eat part of it, and enjoy it. Probably 10x more than you enjoyed it before, if not more. Keep in mind that your body, lifestyle, and whole mentality have just undergone a major overhaul, so emotions are bound to be running high. You are not crazy, and I don't think you could have done anything else to prepare for this part of the "aftermath" of the surgery. You will adapt to it, and please know that you have hundreds of people here and on other websites who are going through the same crazy feelings, emotions, changes, etc that you are. Hope that helps a little!

Mary,Idon't know what antidepressant you are taking,but zoloft comes in liquid form with no sugar. It is bitter but take it with juice.

"I guess I'm angry I love food, and am adddicted to food and my body type could not handle it." We've all been there and felt that. I know I still do feel that way, and I doubt that it will ever change. It makes me wish I had some other compusion. Maybe something less unhealthy....like feeling that I have to scrub my kitchen floor three times a day. The other person *****sponded is right, though. You will enjoy food even more now. You're just going to enjoy less of it. To steal from someone who posted on a Yahoo! Lapband group, you will become a "Food Princess: eating the best bits and morsels of food off of beautiful plates, instead of being a garbage disposal for more and more food." That sentiment really hit home with me. To think now that I was eating food just because it was there and not because I actually NEEDED it to sustain life is now a sickening thought. Now I'm not eating every single meal like it is my last meal. Certainly don't stop your meds without consulting with your doctor. I've found that mixing crushed pills with a bit of applesauce or yogurt helps them to go down with less of the yuck factor. And certainly ask the hubby to keep those temptations away from you! Hope this helps. ~Victoria 354/295/170

Jennifer, you have a year of work ahead of you. You will be able to eat again and actually enjoy it. I do but not anywhere near the extent I did. Food is no longer a reward or an escape. It is still something I look forward to but it isn't "all consuming" like it was. You will have to find another way to cope and deal with life. This is the part that is hard. Be sure and take your drugs and maybe see someone that will teach you different copeing skills. You can do this. Many before you have and i have no doughbt you will suceed. Bets of luck, Bob

Please try an Overeaters Anonymous Meeting. The directory is on the net. They even have on-line meetings and support. I really believe it will help. Love and prayers, Mary

First thing is DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATIONS! Bad things happen very bad things. If your meds are working for you and you just can't stand the taste this might help. First of all make sure your meds aren't extended release type meds. These can't be crushed and typicaly don't work well for people with this type of surgery. Next, you need to find what is called a compounding pharmacy. These pharmacy's can take the prescription you got from the doctor, do a little math and mix up an elixir with your prescription. This still won't have a gormet taste but I think you'll find it much more palatable than just the crushed pills. If your meds aren't working for you, then you need to get to your doctor to discuss this issue. It may be that your meds need to be adjusted or changed all together. As far as your eating goes my understandiong is ( I have not had surgery yet) that over the course of 6 months to a year your diet will start to return to normal. There are going to be things that you simply can't tolerate ie. sugar but most things will come back. At that point you need to remember that this surgery cured nothing. It only provided you with a valuable tool to control your weight. If you do not use it properly it can be defeated. I hope these things help you and you get to feeling better. Mark

Hi Jennifer, I can so relate to what you are thinking. I kicked started my weight loss because I was dx with diabetes type II and it scared me straight....for a while. I lost 100 pounds in about nine months. I thought I found the path. However, over the past 6 months I've been fighting it. I got real discouraged when I realized I have to do this the rest of my life. All my friends eat what they want with no problem. It was very discouraging and I've gained 20 pounds back. All while watching my blood sugar rise. I am now, just to the point where I feel like I can, once again, diet and exercise and eat treats in moderation. It is hard, horrible, depressing and time consuming. Sometimes I wonder what I could accomplished if my mind wasn't constantly thinking about what to eat or what not to eat. Hang in there you are not alone. Ann

I have not had my surgery yet, but have done some experimenting with making food choice changes, and learning to do different things other than eat when stressed. I have learned some coping mechanisms when I am upset. Journaling, prayer, meditation, listening to classical music, deep breathing are all positive nurturing things you can do for yourself to help you cope with the myriad of emotions you are experiencing right now. They all work for me. Please do not stop taking your medications. Ask the prescribing doctor about liquid alternatives, or do as others suggest and get a pill cutter and make the pill pieces as small as possible. Hang in there. Things will get better and look better soon. Hugs, Trish

I want to thank you all for your replies. They have been very helpful and comforting. I am now 4 1/2 weeks post op and feeling much better. I did not stop taking my anti depressant and last week went back to taking it whole. The taste of crushed pills just multipled the anguish i was already in. Put that behind me thank God! Taking baby steps.... I know it can only get better, it has to considering how low I was. Jennifer