Ceasar R.I.P. 3-01-04

The words are not coming easy for me tonight. I was trying to wait to post this til I thought I could handle it, but I dont think that time is ever going to come and I wanted all of you to know that I lost my baby this afternoon. This is so hard for me to write, it just hurts so badly. Just the shortest thought of him brings stinging tears to my eyes. I cant stop crying. I cant bare to be in this house without him here. I see his things everywhere. Doc called me this afternoon and said that Ceasars diaphragm was not ruptured. When he called, the surgery was already over and Ceasar wasnt awake yet. He told me that it didnt look good and if he were his, he would have him put down. I lost it right there... I just knew that he was going to be ok.. I had faith!! What happened?!?!?! I was so freakin sure that he would be coming home today!!! He was silent for a moment... I suppose to wait for me to stop crying. He said that he would try one more thing and that was to try to draw some fluid from his chest, to see if he would breathe better and asked if that didnt work , if I wanted him to go ahead and put him to sleep. I told him that I couldnt live with the thought of putting him to sleep if he didnt try everything he could to help him and asked him if I could see him before he put him down and he said Yes. I told him I was on my way. I dropped my kids off at their grandmothers and headed straight there. When I walked in there were people in front of me and my gf saw me and nudged Doc, so he called me back to the back ... he just looked at me.. and I knew.. He said that before he could even see if there was any fluid in there, the needle penetrating somehow caused a suction and when that happened, he died. I could see the hurt in Docs eyes from just having to tell me that. He is a wonderful doctor.. He didnt even charge me for the surgery. He led me into the room where Ceasar was lying on the table and I broke again. Ive seen people sob, but it has never happened to me until today. I picked him up and held him ..... and the grief overwhelmed me. My gf came in with some kleenex... I already had some in my pocket, I was trying to be prepared... little did I know that you cannot be prepared for something like this. I held him for as long as I could stand... I didnt want to put him down, I didnt want to leave him there. Doc asked me if I had somewhere to bury him and I didnt. He suggested a pet cemetary... he said he knew that I would want him to be somewhere that I could go see him. Then he suggested cremation with the ashes being returned to me so I could bring him home. YES!! Thats what I want to do!!! My gf came in with the book so we could pick out his urn. That was the strangest feeling Ive ever had. We picked a very nice one with a name plate. Im going to have something made with Rainbow Bridge on it and his picture. I dont remember who it was that sent that poem to me a few days ago... but I cant thank you enough. I cant thank any of you enough for what youve done for me. Once again, there arent words to describe how youve all helped me thru this. Thank you for being here for me during this time. Im sorry if I have left anything out.. my mind is kinda jumbled right now.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a pet is losing a family member. Hugs to you dawn

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know I still feel pain over my Peter who died august 4, 1984. Our pets are our family and friends and he was lucky to have a mommy to love him so much. Emily

Your kitty was so loved and I'm sure he knew it. Now he's a kitty angel I had my Marmelade cat put down because of thyroid. He was down to 3 pounds. He is buried in my backyard and I visit him. You'll always remember him. He was a lucky cat. Joanne

I know its been awhile since your post, but I had to give my condolences. I feel for your grief, Ive been there. God bless Ceasar and you. Just remember he left this earth very loved, and you know thats all that matters. He will remember his wonderful time with you. He had a wonderful life, although it was cut short. I wish you the best, and I am very sorry for your lost. I am a huge animal lover, and this story made me cry. I Hope things have gotten better for you by now. Maybe you have another cat, who can never replace the one you lost, but maybe who can fill that void. You will meet again at Rainbow Bridge until that day, keep the memories you have alive. Which I know you will. Take care.