The Importance Of Therapy For Addictions
The Importance of Therapy for Addictions
Addiction is a word that brings to mind a wide array of images and feelings. Most often people’s thoughts about addiction are negative. The word "addict" is worse than a four-letter-word for lots of folks – especially if the word is used in relation to them! Who wants to be classified as an “addict?? “Hi, I’m a drug addict.? “Hey, I’m an alcoholic.? “Hello, there – I’m a gambling addict.? “It’s nice to meet you. I’m a shopping addict.? “Greetings. I’m a food addict.? Addict – it just sounds so… uncomplimentary, at best.
So let’s get away from that word that makes people feel uneasy. Let’s put aside a single word that can prevent a person from getting much needed help simply because they don’t want to have the label “addict? associated with them.
Let me ask you a simple question: “Has ________ caused problems in your life?? You fill in the blank. “Has alcohol caused problems in your life?? “Have drugs (prescription or ‘recreational’) caused problems in your life?? “Has gambling caused problems in your life?? How about food or shopping or sex or pornography? Have any of these things caused problems in your life?
Problems? What sorts of problems? Well… like problems in your primary relationships. Has your spouse, your partner, your parents, your children, or your boss ever expressed concerns about any of those behaviors mentioned above? Or the consequences related to those behaviors? Have you missed out on important family events, or work activities, or social outings because you were in a casino, at a bar, or at your computer and were hung over, too stuffed to move, or so engrossed in what you were doing to attend an event you were committed to? Have you put a lot of effort into getting a “fix?? Have you had to run out in the night to find the blinking light indicating hot donuts were available? Have you spent money you needed for paying bills due to gambling or shopping? Have you spent time on your job engaging in activities not related to work such as shopping on line, viewing internet pornography, or downloading recipe after recipe? Have you embarrassed yourself after you’ve been drinking or under the influence of either prescription or “recreational? drugs? The big question: Have you violated your personal values or suffered emotional consequences as a result of your use of chemicals or engagement in unhealthy behaviors?
So, I ask you again: “Has _____ caused problems in your life?? If so, then what are you going to do about it? If alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex/pornography, food/obesity, shopping or any other compulsive behavior has caused problems in your life, then it’s a problem. You can call it addiction or you don’t have to. What matters is that you get help for it.
Addiction has both biological and behavioral components. Addiction is a chronic disease and like other chronic diseases, it gets worse over time and requires life-long management. For some addictions there are treatment programs. You can go to inpatient or outpatient programs for drugs and alcohol. There are programs for sex addiction and food addiction. But whatever your problematic substance or behavior, you have to seek help for it. Even if there is a “program? that treats your particular “issue,? the program is time-limited. Your problems usually aren’t. Going to therapy can be the difference between maintaining a life of healthy recovery or relapse into negative behaviors of one sort or another.
Now would be a good time to mention what I refer to as “Whack-A-Mole Addiction.? If you’ve never played the carnival game Whack-A-Mole, I highly suggest you do so next time you’re at the county fair. In fact, I think everyone would benefit from a full-size home version of the game! What a stress reliever it can be! The object of the game is to whack down as many pesky little moles as pop up through one of several holes on the games tabletop. You use a little mallet and bonk the goofy fellas on the head as they pop up out of the holes. The more you whack, the better your score! Can’t you just imagine it? You get home from work after a stressful day. You enter the house and before anyone has a chance to welcome you home, you say, “Honey, I’ll be down after a good workout with Whack-A-Mole. Then we can talk.? It could very well reduce the number of marital problems in our country!
Whack-A-Mole Addiction, on the other hand, definitely adds to the destruction of many marriages and families. Whack-A-Mole Addiction occurs when a person stops engaging in one unhealthy, destructive behavior, but turns to another in its place. If the new behavior causes problems, the person again stops and starts up another. For example, a person whose drinking has caused a number of arguments says, “I can quit any time I want.? And does so, only to begin online gambling. That, too, causes arguments and so the addict agrees to stop that behavior. Oops. All of a sudden prescription pain relievers are “taking the edge off.? That’s Whack-A-Mole Addiction.
Underlying any addiction, be it to a substance or a behavior, there lies a cauldron of issues, brewing and stewing a concoction made up of shame, guilt, sadness, fear, anger, possibly some “secrets,? and most likely a history of some sort of abandonment, abuse, or neglect. Many people struggling with addictive behaviors feel they have lost control over one or more aspects of their lives. Often times the substance or negative behavior is a way of avoiding unpleasant feelings and staying away from difficult circumstances in one’s life. Depression and anxiety are familiar to an addict. The alcohol, the drug, the food, the gambling, the whatever – are problematic in and of themselves, but they are really symptoms of the underlying “real problems.?
If the substance or the addictive behaviors aren’t the real problems, then what are “the REAL problems?? If it were possible to magically remove the alcohol or the food or the pornography that presents as the problem, what would we find underneath? Were it possible to take an emotional X-ray of an addict, we would see the root problems that underlie the addiction. At the root of the problem, far beneath the binge eating, the prescription meds, or the pornography, are overwhelming, painful feelings. The addictive behavior is a way to avoid, or to try to cope with, the overwhelming feelings… feelings related to problems with self-esteem, self-efficacy, lack of trust (in self and others), fear of “living life on life’s terms.? In other words, addicts try to avoid dealing with the reality of painful feelings.
Don’t get me wrong! I am NOT saying that the “drug/behavior of choice? is not a problem! Obviously, alcohol has become a problem for the alcoholic. Medications are a problem for the prescription drug addict. Pornography and hookers are problems for the sex addict. Food and the co-morbid health issues associated with obesity are problems for the food addict. What I want you to understand is that the SUBSTANCE or BEHAVIOR is the SURFACE problem. And yes – they have to be addressed as part of the recovery process. However, if one simply stops drinking or flushes all their drugs down the toilet or deletes all of the porn off their computer, but does NOT address the underlying issues… guess what they’ll do? Play Whack-A-Mole Addiction. They will simply switch to another addiction because they haven’t addressed any of the problems the addiction hides.
Think of it this way. Let’s say that one porcupine represents the criticism a person endured from parents, siblings, a coach, a teacher, a preacher, or a school bully. (I chose a porcupine because of its quills. They hurt! Clever, right?!) Let’s say that another porcupine represents being the victim of a vicious custody battle in a bitter divorce when a child was ten years old. A parent who suffered from a long battle with cancer is signified by another porcupine. Another porcupine indicates the shame of a visible birth defect. The quills of each porcupine represent a feeling related to the particular event or situation: anger, sadness, embarrassment, fear, shame, disappointment, frustration, rage, helplessness, mistrust. A person who grows up harboring these feelings may turn to an addictive substance or behavior to relieve some of the pain. If the person has a genetic propensity for addiction, they are more susceptible to become dependent on the substance or behavior. Even if they are not genetically predisposed, they can still develop a psychological and/or physical dependency on a substance or behavior.
A substance or behavior that is found to be pleasurable and that seems to relieve emotional pain can become its own source of tremendous pain for a person. However, removal of the apparent problem (the heroine, the chocolate, etc.) ignores the fact that there may be several porcupines left exposed when the drug is removed. That means a whole lot of pain is exposed. If the person doesn’t have any help and support to deal with the many porcupine quills threatening them, they will turn to something else to cover that pain right back up.
The solution? Therapy. Finally – the topic of this article! Individual, group and/or family therapy is vitally important when treating addiction. Therapy is where a person learns to identify what the porcupines and their quills represent. Some people know exactly what they have been trying to avoid. This is usually the case when there has been an overt issue – something that is clear and apparent. Maybe someone lost a child and their drinking escalated after the child died, then an addiction developed. This is an example of an overt event that the person struggled with. If a person was the victim of sexual abuse and they remember it, this is also an example of an overt issue.
Other times people struggle to make sense of their addictive behavior. Subtle put-downs and sibling comparisons by a parent are less obvious than having been physically beaten with a belt. However, they are not necessarily less detrimental to the psychological development of a child. This is covert abuse. It’s not glaring and can be discounted: “I wasn’t beaten by my parents. I shouldn’t be so upset about being compared to my perfect brother.? Both overt and covert forms of abuse are destructive and damaging. Anger, shame, sadness, guilt, and other unpleasant emotions are associated with both overt and covert events. A trained therapist can help people discover feelings related to these less obvious sources of pain in a person’s life.
Therapy is a place to learn healthy coping mechanisms so that the "obvious problem" (the Budweiser, the methamphetamine, or the Shopping Network), are no longer needed as a balm for painful emotions. “How did you feel when your parents fought about having custody of you? What did you need when that happened?? Questions such as this can help a person learn how they felt and what they wanted or needed (but often didn’t get). For example, “I felt helpless and angry and scared when they fought in front of me. I wanted them to stop and I needed reassurance that I wasn’t the problem in their relationship.? In therapy, the person is given the opportunity to talk about the anger, fear, and helplessness they felt in the past. They can explore how they deal with those same feelings in their adult life. They are encouraged to find healthy ways to get their needs met as adults, rather than turning to something that will numb the feelings temporarily, but will ultimately create significant additional problems.
See how that works? The heroine numbs the pain and is seen as the problem. The root of the problem, however, lies in issues that were not previously acknowledged or addressed and in not knowing how to get needs met in healthy ways. Simply taking away the drug leaves a person vulnerable and without a shield. Let Whack-A-Mole Addiction begin!
Therapy provides a safe place to identify and talk about the feelings that cigarettes, cocaine, and shopping sprees temporarily numb. A common denominator for addicts is being disconnected from their feelings. Moreover, many addicts are unable to verbally acknowledge their emotions. “I don’t know how I feel,? is a common response from those in active addiction. Treatment and therapy are like going to school, only the classes are: Descriptions of Emotions 101, Identifying Feelings 101, Granting Permission to Express and Experience Emotions 101, Learning to Trust 101, and Developing Healthy Coping Skills 101.
Participation in ongoing therapy results in advanced degrees. In this case, advanced degrees translate to living in recovery from addiction. Recovery from addiction is much more than putting away alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, pornography, junk food, and credit cards. Those things simply represent sobriety. Recovery entails learning to identify and express feelings in a healthy ways, learning to deal with the realities of life, letting go of trying to control things you have no control over, learning to trust, learning to set boundaries, and learning to experience joy and serenity. Most of the time, these skills require the assistance of a therapist and a healthy system of support.
A therapist is someone who can help provide support as you adapt to life without the use of your drug or unhealthy behavior. They help you learn and practice healthy new coping skills so you are able to stay away from the negative, unhealthy behaviors. Your therapist can also help you find a treatment program or a 12-step recovery group, which you will need in addition to therapy. Becoming clean and sober and giving up an addictive behavior can be tough. You may need to go through an inpatient or outpatient treatment program, and will definitely want to get involved in either a 12-step recovery group or another sort of recovery group.
Addiction, unfortunately, affects not only the person who avoids life via substances or addictive behaviors, but also affects their families and loved ones. This is a topic for an article all its own. Suffice it to say that couples therapy and family therapy are gifts all of the affected people can benefit from and share. Family therapy also helps to create a more emotionally intelligent and capable new generation, which is sure to be a good thing!
If you are an addict – or if food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or shopping is causing problems in your life, do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor. Get into therapy with a counselor experienced in working in the field of addiction. If you simply give up your “drug of choice,? get ready for a long game of Whack-A-Mole Addiction!
Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. “Your recovery conscience” and author of Eat
It Up! says, “Get help and get happy!”
www.conniestapletonphd.com
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