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Is Obesity The Result Of A Self-Care Crisis?
by: Jill Temkin @ Living Thin Within www.livingthinwithin.net

Watching The Biggest Loser the other night reminded me of how difficult it can be for family members to adapt to and stay supportive of our efforts to get healthier. Particularly when the process often requires us to move our attention away from taking care of them to the serious business of taking care of ourselves.In the episode I watched, one of the female contestants considered leaving the show after a phone call with her husband. Her husband expressed feeling overwhelmed and depressed without her, and he asked her to come home, stating that her family needed her. When she hung up the phone, she looked devastated. Obviously, her husband’s discomfort with their temporary separation (while she was away losing the weight) left her feeling confused and guilty because in meeting her own needs, her family had to make some temporary sacrifices. She had to choose between staying on the show and honoring her need to improve her health and well-being or leaving the show to honor her husband’s need to get immediate relief from his discomfort. What would you do?

The choice to either stay connected to your own needs or put the needs of others ahead of your own is a choice we all make, in one way or another, countless times each day. If we are courageous enough to choose self-care in moments like the one on The Biggest Loser, it often feels terrifying. We may fear that we will lose our intimate connection to others if we don’t put their needs first. In fact, such behavior is often labeled as selfish sometimes by us, and sometimes by those close to us. And yet, more often than not, our new lives depend on making tough choices just like this one.

In order to make long-lasting and sustainable changes in our lives, most of us have to make a revolutionary shift in consciousness. We need to learn how to listen and respond to our needs with the same reverence and care we usually reserve for others. We need to invest as much time, energy, and dollars as it takes to change our life-long patterns of putting others first, while telling ourselves our happiness can wait. You have waited long enough, and the waiting always turns into weight.

This radical shift in consciousness, where you actively value your health and well-being as much as you would your child’s, isn’t easy. Our current culture doesn’t support this kind of behavior, particularly in women. In fact, moving from prioritizing the needs of others to prioritizing self-care is as radical and activist in nature as it once was to join the civil rights movement in its heyday or to participate in the women’s liberation movement in the 60s. The difference is, self-care isn’t an official movement we can point to and join. There is no inspired leader at the forefront paving the way to make it safer for the rest of us; no unifying voice raising cultural awareness about the self-care crisis, calling attention to the detrimental impact that the lack of self-care and self-love has on our long-term health.

There is no media coverage about the intensive self-bullying that goes on inside each and every one of us that have struggled with weight and body image issues for years. There are no Million Woman Marches or parades for all of the brave and courageous souls who now choose to say Yes! Yes, to doing whatever it takes to become loving advocates for their bodies and fierce protectors of their new found health and well-being. And yet, in spite of how socially risky it is to make these lifesaving shifts in consciousness, many of you are doing just that. You are looking for ways to come home to your body, your truth. You’re looking for ways to support yourself that feel authentic and take responsibility for creating your own happiness in the world. And, you’re looking to connect with others who are doing the same.

Yes, there will be an adjustment period for both you and your loved ones. And just like the woman on The Biggest Loser, no matter how strong and loving your relationships with friends and family members are prior to your shift in consciousness, it will be challenging for them to experience the many changes you will go through, or the compromises they may need to make while you devote yourself to getting healthier and more grounded. And yes, they may even long for the good old days, when things were easier and more predictable for them. But whatever you do, don’t (metaphorically) leave the show before you experience the amazing outcome that is waiting for you.

You can move through the discomfort that others feel as you change your behaviors and navigate your new path. And, once you are courageous enough to honor and value your own needs, you will discover an amazing and ironic truth. The more you focus on taking care of yourself and taking responsibility to meet your own needs, the more energy and generosity you will have to contribute to the well-being of others. When your needs are acknowledged and met, and you no longer have to deplete your own resources to provide for others, you will be able to be present in genuinely enriching ways for everyone you care about. Your relationships will flourish and become more intimate than ever, once you depend less on others and more on yourself to provide the compassion and self-connection you need to stay tuned in to what makes you whole and truly happy.

So join the movement! Take the steps you need to cultivate and practice a compassionate, self-care consciousness. What are you currently doing to develop your self-care muscles? What do you need help with? Are there emotional triggers that currently prevent you from believing (or remembering) that your self-worth is non-negotiable? I’d love to hear your comments, and am interested in knowing what comes up for you as you imagine cultivating a self-care consciousness. Take the first step toward advancing your self-care by sending your comments to: [email protected] or share your comments below. Please indicate if you would be willing to be interviewed for a follow-up article. You are in charge of your health, happiness, and quality of life now; it’s your turn to thrive, so take it!

You can also go to www.livingthinwithin.net and join others interested in developing their self-care muscles in a safe, welcoming and supportive environment. Click the red box on the home page to get information about our upcoming retreat: Celebrating a Self-Care Consciousness: Three Transformative Days of Exploring Self-Love & Compassion.

About the Author: Jill Temkin, MA, is a Registered Addiction Specialist, a Compassionate Communication Coach, and a Nationally Certified Psychodrama Trainer, Educator, and Psychotherapist who has been working in the fields of substance abuse treatment and mental health for nearly 30 years. Jill is an expert at combining her knowledge of Compassionate (or Non-Violent) Communication with experiential therapy techniques to provide innovative counseling and training programs for clients and therapists alike. Her mission is to empower women to thrive in their new bodies and radiate health from within, by offering them the emotional and behavioral tools they need to sustain weight loss long after the surgery is over.

Jill founded Living Thin Within in response to her own WLS journey. While participating in WLS support groups, Jill realized that she needed more than the nutritional, diet and medical advice offered by her doctor to truly transform her relationship with food, once and for all. Living Thin Within was created to bridge the gap between the medical support that's readily out there and the essential behavioral, psychological, and emotional support that women also need if they are to successfully change life-long, self-destructive patterns and achieve sustainable WLS results. Contact [email protected]

What are your thoughts about obesity as a self-care crisis? Share your comments below.