Help me my daughter doesn't want me to have surgery

One more thing Laura, I'm not anti-surgery, I am here to offer an alternative that has worked for me, has worked for others, with better than reported success, and can work for others as well. Whether you have surgery or Med-Managed you will need to alter your eating habits, you will need to exercise, and it will take tremendous self-discipline. Those last three things are, often as not, not understood by those who opt for surgery. At our Center, WLS candidates are required to lose a percentage of their weight, I think it's around 15% but don't quote me on that, before undergoing the surgery. This establishes new habits by the WLS candidates before the surgery that are more easily continued after the surgery, insuring a higher percentage of success.

I agree that both are possible options for people that need to lose weight. Success rates for either of these is going to depend on the patient to put in the work. I think there is a misconception out there that surgery is the easy way out and that's how most people view it. There's a lot of work that goes in pre op and lifetime of work to do post op. The program I'm in we were told this from the beginning. This is a tool and you need to do the work and I would think any good surgery program is going to tell their clients this I don't think the surgeons are hiding this fact. I have an extensive program that we have to go throw and form new habits and ways of eating in order to hit the benchmarks to be cleared for surgery. They tell you, you have to do the work before and after and give you the tools to do it. Even with your program, success rates are almost solely on the individual person to do what needs to get done to become healthier. I believe both have their place and meet the needs of different folks and neither should be discredited.

dcbrown3,

You are absolutely correct and I agree totally with everything you have said. Whether you choose surgery or not, long-term success ALWAYS depends on the individual. I was blessed to be in a position where I was not under a doctor's order to enter this program, instead I asked my primary care provider to refer me to this program, and after we got everything squared away with my insurance I was able to begin. That automatically put me in a very different place than, I'm guessing here, 99% of the other patients at my facility. My motivation is internal, not external, but long term success is dependent on the internal motivation that one has.

By the way, I want to correct one statement from an earlier post, insurance does not cover the costs of my exercise physiologist's services, even though she is employed by the weight loss clinic and the gym where I do most of my working out is also in the weight loss clinic. I pay an $18 charge each time I meet with her in a formal way, even though she is available to me anytime the center is open. I attend her classes three times per week also for free as well.

Glad you found something that worked for you. I would say with you doing it willing and not under orders that you had a different mindset going into it. I've tried a lot of things over the years and have lost almost a 100lbs by myself, but the last few years I've hit kind of a plateau. After thinking it over for years and doing my research, I feel like surgery may give me the tool I need to get where I want to be. I'm excited to put in the work and effort after. But, I do see that mindset myself in my in person support groups where people make comments and things during the discussion and you can tell they aren't motivated or taking this as seriously as needed. Fortunately for them our program does a good job of weeding out who's mentally and physically ready to make these lifestyle changes and who isn't. I know someone that I went to high school with had his done in a different state and definitely didn't have the type of program with benchmarks and support that I have and it shows.

I had to pay a program fee, but my insurance has covered everything else. This gives me access to the drs and support programs for life. I met with an exercise physiologist, but he told me I know what I'm doing when it comes to working out that he didn't really have any recommendations for me. I have to pay for my gym membership, but my insurance will reimburse me $100 for it. So I basically get 5 months free. I have multiple friends that are personal trainers or gym owners that will answer any questions I have. I also take exercise classes at my gym every so often to change things up.

"I'm not sure where you are getting your data, but those who utilize a Medically Managed Program, which has very specific criteria, according to a study done by Stanford University, have a 65% success rate."

btm61, do you have a citation or link for that for that study? That number sounds unrealistic.

at almost 400 lbs, I knew there was a decent chance I was going to be dead in 10 years if I didn't do something about my weight. The surgery seemed like a safer bet to me. Your daughter needs to realize the problems you are up against if you continue to weigh 600 lbs. And she also needs to do some research on the surgery - there's still the perception out there that these surgeries are risky (and 30 or 40 years ago, they were...), but that's just not the case anymore. Plus like someone else said, only about 5% of people are able to lose significant amounts of weight by diet and exercise alone and keep it off. WLS won't guarantee you can take a bunch off and maintain your loss, but it GREATLY improves your odds!

At 600+, you'll need support from someone to get to appts and recover post wls. I would suggest 2 options: 1) Have your daughter speak to your doctor about wls risks and rewards for a 600lb patient. 2) See if you have anyone else in your support network that can assist if your daughter does not get a reality check on what it takes to lose +/- 400 pounds.

Good luck, it's definitely worth it but not an easy path.

April,

Your daughter may not be as informed as we all wish our relatives would be. It is normal for her to feel scared about change but I hope you can invite her to come with you to your appointments so that you can be educated together. My mother was very much like your daughter and begged me not to go through with the surgery. She can see how happy and healthy I am now that I am healthier, making the right decisions for my health. WLS is just a tool... a "constant motivator" if you will.

Just make sure you are doing the research, understanding everything that the post-bariatric lifestyle entails and you will be fine. Best of Luck