Have I become a fat bigot???

I have thought about this rather often and it amazes me. You are attracted to, who you are attracted to. Gender, body type, race, religion, ethnicity, personal beliefs (etc)... EVERYTHING plays a role. What I can't stand is when people push that on others. I am the type to say, "You-do-YOU". If he is not your type of you have no interest in dating him, let him know... but if you are open to being friends, let him know that too. Being open and honest is the key. You never know if, down the road, your interests change. Just because you went through the same hardships means it will affect him the way it did you. You have to set your limits and boundaries.

I think the fact that he's not Intellectually stimulating means a lot. Ok, you don't find him physically attractive either, at this stage in my life my worry would be about his health more so than appearance. That would be what would put me off. Even if he's obese- as long as he put effort into managing his weight/activity somehow I'd be ok. But I couldn't deal with total oblivion towards health.

I'm curious- are the married/involved men you find yourself attracted to also fit?

That is so true!! I want someone who takes care of his health!! I plan to stay active in my life and want someone to share adventures with. I also do not want to be anyone's caretaker. I understand things happen beyond our control but if someone is already down an unhealthy path, things are more likely to go downhill quickly.

Actually, they are fit. The man in question here would have serious problems working out in a gym, or with warm water pool workouts (which I LOVE!).

I just don't want to rule somebody out based on their body size or type, because I know what that kind of rejection feels like from past experience.

Married or long term relationship is a deal-breaker for me. Not interested in either.

It's not a matter of what you deserve its a matter of attraction.

That is something you can't force.

You are a fat bigot if you look at someone and say if I can lose weight why can't you. Or as a woman had no problem doing to me; making it plain that me sitting next to her normal sized self was not permissible.

We do need to remember the depths of the difficulties of weightloss and carrying that extra weight.

What you don't have to do is date someone you are not attracted to.

Let me echo what was said above - the intellectual compatibility is key. The lifestyle speaks more loudly than his weight. If you enjoy, for example, the gym, a hike, or a bike ride - these are things you couldn't enjoy with a partner who is physically unable to participate. If you enjoy artsy films, documentaries, and reading - these are things you couldn't enjoy with a partner who is unable or unwilling to participate in activities or discussions around those things.

I used to think Because i lost weight that I wouldnt be attracted to fat women anymore. Attraction is more than just physical appearance. Yeah It helps..a lot...But I have crossed paths with bigger women Post-Op that I was attracted too because they were actually really pretty and/or had an amazing personality. This is just one fat man..i am willing to bet you will cross paths with other fat men that you will find attractive either for his looks or personality. Whether you second guess that attraction because of his size is another thing.

I think I'm not attracted to them because I was dealing with decades of self-hatred I received as a fat girl/woman.

I have to admit I got the same way after I reached my lowest weight (251) after losing that 200+ lbs. with my surgery (DS, too). What seemed to affect me most though was that when I was down to that weight I "noticed" big people more than before, and now felt so sorry for them. After all, if I could do this why couldn't they, and why wouldn't they want to - for their looks, their health, their longevity? I just wanted to go over to them and try to sell them on the idea of WLS, but knew that would not be a good idea and possibly come across as outright rude (after asking about that on here back then), despite my good intentions.