Get over it. Thank you

Some who come on this forum preface their questions with: "no negative remarks please", or something to that effect. I mean, I get that, we all want to be spoken to in a respectful way, but we have to watch our sensitivity. I mean, I wish I was that sensitive when stuffing that whole pizza pie into my mouth! I got up to almost 400lbs because of a LOT of wrong decisions and choices, so I welcome those who share with me their experiences, and based on them let me know if they feel I am making wrong health choices. No, they don't know me but they know where I've been! They know EXACTLY what I am going through-in that way we're not that unique. At times, yes, if we don't get it some responses may be firm and pointed but I have never taken any as overly harsh, and never as negative? In the end we are accountable for our choices and whether we decide to heed someone's counsel of not. And if we don't because we are hurt by how it is delivered, we only hurt ourselves in the long run!

And usually the only time I've noticed a comment may be firm or pointed are when someone asking for a suggestion completely blows it off or argues with the person giving it whom usually are a veteran that has been through it and KNOWS what they are talking about. Or if a person is giving out wrong, hurtful or incorrect information. So either we want help, or we don't-we cannot always choose the way it comes at us. I love my family and friends but if one were stepping into the path of a train I may choose to grab them harshly and quickly to save their life! We were all on our way into stepping in front of that train, eating ourselves to death, and although we had WLS, it's our tummies that were worked on not our minds.

Our tummies aid us immediately in curtailing our eating, but our mindset remains the same for quite some time afterwards. So we still have that same way of thinking? Our mind still thinks like that 300, 400+ lb person! Hopefully by the time our stomachs stop aiding us as much, our minds will take over, yet this is NOT automatic! It takes awhile-through challenges, errors, yes mistakes, wins and losses, and hopefully not always personally through trial ourselves but through others. And......if.......we listen to the experience of others, it can actually expedite our weight loss and healthy way of life? It can allow us to not have to suffer through what others have. Also it acts as a type of therapy because many times we eat, not because we are hungry but because of what is eating at us. So when we come on and ask for advice, suggestions, ideas, etc, and its delivered in a way we are not especially fond of? Get over it, get on it, and say thank you.

Yea know Willie there are some people who don't like to hear that they are doing things wrong and that it is their choices that brought the weight back . When I see posts that say "no negative comments" it makes me feel like they really don't want help or advice so I don't bother helping. Its a shame, but you are right Get over it and get on it.

Exactly !!!!

One thing that people don't realize is that if you make a statement and want input from people who are on the same path as you, expect to get feedback and comments that are both positive and negative. Not everyone has the same view on food choices, portions or post-op habits, but one thing is for sure, don't ever think you know everything above everyone. The majority of people who preface their posts with no negative comments don't want the truth, reality or the facts. They want to continue living in the world of thier own where they get to pick and choose what they think and believe and no one can change their mind. I think this post is very spot on, for each of us will encounter our own challenges as we go through this. For those that offer helpful information, whether positive or negative, I say THANK YOU!

You make some good points, and I don't disagree with you. But I do want to offer a few suggestions. They aren't directed at anyone in particular (and certainly not at you, Willie!)

When I joined the forum in the summer of 2018, it was a less friendly place than it is now. No one was specifically rude to me, but I saw a lot of harsh replies to others, so I was hesitant to post. Perhaps the forum was just going through a temporary phase; I don't know what it was like before I joined. But perhaps people who start their posts asking for no negative remarks have seen some harshness in the past, and are wary.

If you're the first person to post, you have a big impact on how the poster receives the advice. If the first reply is harsh, then even if it's followed by three nice replies, the poster will feel attacked. If the first reply is supportive, but one of the later replies is harsh, the poster will still feel supported. If you know you have a tendency to be abrupt, perhaps take extra care when writing the first reply, or let someone else go first.

Remember that everyone who has gone through surgery has a little voice in their head saying "you will fail at WLS, just like you failed at all those diets before". Try not to reinforce that voice for the poster.

Very true. Even in supervising and in having to counsel someone the format that works best is: Commend, Counsel, Commend. If we start and end positive, the counsel in between will be taken in a better way.

we are only responsible for what we say . We are not responsible for what ppl hear.

Wombat -

Where one person may see HARSHNESS, the person posting may have been only been intending to speak TRUTH...I do not EVER speak for "EVERYONE"...I have tried to never speak "harshly", but I do speak TRUTH...always...

BTW...I am not one of the "everyone" you speak of, you told myself I was going to fail...I could be offended, if I was sensitive :)

If I were very sensitive I would take offence and see that as a harsh statement

"Remember that everyone who has gone through surgery has a little voice in their head saying "you will fail at WLS, just like you failed at all those diets before".

When I decided to have WLS, I was confident that I would be successful. I had hope and I believed my doctor, and myself, that given proper tool and medical attention I WOULD be successful. I wouldn't have the RNY if I did not. The WLS I had is drastic enough and I knew I had to do it.

If I read that statement before my WLS, before I made the decision (and it was not made lightly), or even during first few months post op, I could be offended by your statement. So what you see as harsh, I may not see as that, and what you think is not harsh - I may.

Over the years I have months I am active on OH, then months I am only active on some private groups I'm a member of.

I get discouraged by some people who dont want to hear the truth unless it is wrapped in " a nice fluffy blanket trying to make them feel good". Life is not like that. I got up to 250lbs because my doctors did not to offend me and tell me I was fat.

Eventually, after I had my RNY I found a good family doctor who told me I got back to being obese, and to lose at least 15 lbs in the next 3 months when he wanted to have a follow up appointment with me. He helped me to be accountable by scheduling appointments every 3 months for the next 1.5 years, to keep me accountable to MYSELF. He knew I had WLS to lose weight and be healthier. He was very proactive in really helping me. And he was there for me if I needed help, like i.e. Rx for weekly B12 shots, when lab work confirmed my body doesn't retain it.

Unfortunately a lot of us got MO because we had /have people in our lives who enabled us to get that fat. There is no nice or easy way to tell someone - "You are obese (or MO) and you are responsible to fix that."

I have seen way too many people blame everything, but themselves on getting obese.

If telling someone "you are eating/drinking too much, too many foods/drinks that trigger overeating and gaining weight and you need to stop doing that".

Hopefully we are all adults, and we need to take responsibility for our actions. Or lack of it.