Obese with Eating Disorder???

So I realized that I have a problem. When I was 14 I went through something that would have been classified as anorexia, if I wouldn't have been obese. I ate as little as 500 cal. A day. The weight came off really fast, but I felt sick all time. I watched videos on anorexia and decided that if I don't pull myself out of this, I was going to die. I started eating again, but I wouldn't say I was cured. At the beginning it was very hard to eat. Then when I was eating normally, I attempted to diet healthily in order to reduce my weight, but that always backfired. I would get to obsessed with it, and then I would drop the diet, terrified to restart my eating disorder. I managed to get out of that too. Fast forward a few years, I did the sips surgery, ready to start a new healthy relationship with food. I realized now that I've been restricting lately. Since my hunger hormones were removed I don't feel hungry. And if I eat when I'm not hungry, it feels..... Wrong. Like, if I don't want food I don't need it? Now that I realized what I've been doing I track everything I eat to make sure I'm eating enough. I'm really scared to slip back into old habits. Especially since I'm malobsorbant and must eat enough in order to remain healthy. Anyone has been through this? Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

Hopefully you can find a good therapist to help you with that issues.

Unfortunately a lot of us who got as big as we did to qualify for WLS, didn't have healthy relationship with food and our bodies.

At the present I am app 4-5 lbs below my personal goal. At one time I got 15 + lbs below my goal. I did not planned that, my body just got me there. On one site I liked being "skinny" while at the same time I knew that such a low body fat % as I got to was not very healthy for me.

I use daily scale to know what my weight is, and if my weight is at least 5 lbs below my personal goal, I allow myself eat almost anything as long as that doesn't get me really sick **** cream and cookies or cakes are out). I make sure I get at least 80, but often 100+ gr of proteins per day, good fats (avocado, olives, nuts, etc) and beside that I eat some veggies and fruits. Dark chocolate is my to go treat. Sometimes mixed with nuts.

Even that far out, my pouch offers restrictions so I have to limit volumes.

Some fruits and veggies can cause a horrible gas, or reactive hypoglycemia, and I try to limit or avoid that.

Getting too thin did not made me feel good. And I don't want gain too much.

Weighing myself daily allow me to monitor my weight and its fluctuations. If I notice gaining too much (as seen as average over a week) I can adjust what I eat, reducing some carbs, while still allowing enough proteins and fats.

Finding balance with myself was a key for me.

I second the involvement of a therapist to help you wrap your head around all of this.

With the DS especially (I've had it 14 years now), learning to eat in ways I've been taught all of my life to NOT eat (i.e. high protein, high fat=a **** ton of calories) is downright unnerving without an eating disorder. I can only imagined the increased anxiety you are feeling with Anorexia haunting you.

You do not need to be underweight or thin to suffer with anorexia. After being diagnosed officially post WLS I realized that it was something I had suffered with for many years. I was a champ at eating extremely little and dropping weight very fast. I was just twice as effective at it post WLS.

It looks like you just did the SIPS in July so you are still hardcore weight loss mode and going thru massive body changes. You really won't know how you feel or your relationship with food for another year or two. I had the SIPS almost exactly 5 years ago, and lost about 50lbs more than goal weight (not planned that way).

Now I can eat anything I want and usually overeat daily with no repercussions on weight, but it does take a mental toll and probably some unintended health tolls. I think many of us have various baggage the surgery does not cure. The surgery just masks the fat person manifestation of our baggage.