depression after surgery

has anyone else had this problem before? i mean i should be happy, i mean i have lost 135 lbs in 8 months and have gone from a 6xl to a large but i feel sad and totally alone. i live in a small town and the support group that is closest to me only meets 4x a year and it is speakers who talk. i know no one here who i can talk to. my ex-husband who is 100 lbs heavier than me is always putting me down because of the surgery. i had to have a second surgery to remove a growth on my scalp by the same surgeon and i told him to leave when my surgeon came into the room because i was so ashamed of how much he weighed. i talked to my surgeons RN today, she suggested i call this female psychologist who specializes in weight loss surgery. i am waiting for this lady to call me back. has anyone else had this issue before? i have tried talking to my clergyman but he says he has only known one person who has had weight loss surgery and that man died of a heart attack. trying to explain to people why i can't eat sugar or fat or alot of carbs is for me like trying to teach a toddler Greek. i live in an apartment complex with elderly folks and most of them are very obese and that makes things harder. i apologize if i sound whiny and feeling sorry for myself. i mean i have worked hard to get the 135 lbs off, it hasn't been easy and no its not the easy way out like alot of people feel. i read somewhere where its hard to get on the operating table, look your surgeon in the face and realize that is has

come to this. thanks everyone

It's good that you've reached out to a psychologist that sounds like she has applicable experience and can help! Good luck and keep coming here for the support you need.

Can I ask why you feel you have to explain your diet? It can be hard, but like I've been trying to learn "no" is a complete sentence, so is "No, but thank you" when offered a drink, candy, or something I don't eat. We don't really have to offer explanations unless we choose to. Hopefully, that's something that can help you too!

thanks! i will just try telling people "no" from now on. in the beginning when people would say here have some cookies, cake, donuts etc i would say but my doctor says i will puke. after awhile people left me alone but i will try and just say a simple no.

Don't blame it on your doctor. Just say NO! If they PUSH (and well meaning, especially sweet little old ladies PUSH), I sometimes say "I'm allergic", or "I'm Diabetic"...most statements are perfectly true...Then I might say "I would love a glass of water/cup of coffee/blank check/wild monkey sex/etc"...

People just want to give you something...

I can't stop laughing over the idea of asking for wild monkey sex instead of the pecan pie.

I probably shouldn't admit it...hanging head...but I really HAVE said that :)

Yea, I think it is more common that we think. Before RNY I could medicate myself with carbs, plus there was always an excuse "if I only were thinner, I would be happy". Not so. Post op and I had to reach for medication and therapy. Even now,. Am on Cymbalta for anxiety, and a small dose of Lexapro for depression. So far so good.

I no longer need to justify to others what I can or can't not eat or drink.

In a marter of fact I tell people that "I don't eat that". No I"can't". I no longer want to eat that.

Remember - "You can eat anything you want, as long as you are willing to deal with a consequences"

For me - consequences of eating too much carbs can be dumping, then Reactive Hypoglycemia (RH - and I hate that with passion, more even than dumping), followed by abdominal cramps, and later - often a very smelly BM. Just the combination of all that made me stop and tell people "thanks, I don't eat that, I no longer like it". And I tell the truth.

I did not add that to consequences increased hunger due to carbs, and weight gain.

One rather "not so nice lady" was thinking it was funny to get her dessert and came in my face telling me that she feels badly I can't have that, and how good it taste. My other friend was mortified by that actions and words. In no simple terms I told that "*****" that I no longer like how sweets make me feel, that eating them is not good for me. Her response "they don't bother me, I can eat them". Without losing a breath I looked at her and asked "so why did you call me to ask for advice on losing weight? You know poor diet cases weight gain, and it shows". A few people around us gasped, some had a very hard time controlling their laughter, and "cake on a face" started having new meaning in our little group. I was not nice, but I had enough. Like really enough. Needles to say I was never bothered by her again.

i really loved this post of yours. there are times that humor helps-today i was sitting outside of my apartment complex and this one very obese guy who has heart trouble, diabetes, sleep apnea, and on oxygen 24/7 and who complains alot about his ailments was bragging about all the twinkies and bags of potato chips he eats. its like duh! 2 and 2 =4 not 6. this happens all the time around here. even my pcp told me that the reason i had all the breathing problems was cause of all the fat around my lungs. there are some things in life that i just can't figure out.

Surgery is a HUGE life change and there are a ton of mental things to deal with. Many, many people here on OH work with a therapist to help them deal with the changes!

Since it sounds like there aren't any great groups in your area, I'd suggest becoming more active here on OH. The daily menu threads are a great place to participate, people talk about what they're dealing with in the moment and it's a lovely place for support.