Lets talk about how some feel embarrassment, shame, and keep surgery a...

I'm going to turn the question back on you? Why do you assume shame or embarrassment? Have you told people in your office about other medical procedures you have had? An abnormal pap smear? Some other private medical issue?

Why would you make that assumption? I told my husband, my two teen daughters and my best friend. That's it. Anyone who has asked how I lost the weight is told the following:

I worked with a medical team. I eat a very high protein diet. I do not eat more than 50g carbs a day unless I am training for competition (I fence competitively). I do not eat added sugars or processed foods. I drink about 90 ounces of water a day, eat about 90-110 g protein, monitor every bite I eat and record it and I work out about 1.5 hours a day seven days a week.

All of that is true. I do not mention the surgery because I don't tell anyone about medical procedures that they cannot see (e.g. if I have a cast on, I'm not avoiding that discussion, but when I had half of my thyroid removed, I didn't tell anyone. Only told the office I was having surgery and would need to be out for X time period. )

I've been on diets all my life. People can assume whatever they want, but my medical history is not anyone else's business.

I'm down about 150 pounds. I went from a 24 to a 6. I'm nationally ranked in my age group in my sport. I don't talk about my surgery because that's my private business. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. I'm private and don't feel the need to share that with anyone.

Hi Diana! This isn't just an assumption on my part. This comes from real life conversations I have had with multiple people about their personal experience with WLS. I understand that not everyone feels this way (as I don't myself).

Since I am overweight, when I see someone losing a lot of weight I naturally ask how they're doing it because I am interested in what works for people and always wanting/needing to try new things.

When the subject comes up of WLS, they often have mentioned to me that they didn't want people to know because they felt like they would be judged, or people would think that "took the easy way out" or are "lazy", etc. Thats heartbreaking to me.

I don't feel this way. I want to share my journey with others. I'm just trying to understand why people would feel differently, in an effort to HELP people who may feel this way to NOT feel this way when my time comes and to be open and honest about questions people will have. I just want to help others.

I hate how people want to keep this surgery A SECRET. its a medical endurance of your whole body. If something medically bad happened to you in the future the EMT people will not know how to treat you properly without damaging the rest of your body. This is very serious

Wendy I'm glad to see you posting and hope you are well.

But. I'm not sure she was necessarily talking about docs and ambulances and such, so I wouldn't assume.

OP, making sure all of your medical teams know your history is really important. It's also a separate issue in my mind from the one you raised. Were you referring to your docs, etc? Because it's vital that all of your medical providers, and any psych docs are made aware of any medical weight loss procedure you are undergoing.

I'm kind of guessing you already know that though?

I did not tell people outside of my immediate family- or my boss about my surgery. I only told my boss due to the absence from work

The narrow minded view is its the easy way out, and people also look for you to fail. Funny- I recently started chatting with an old friend, and I had told him about the surgery when I was planning to do. Fast forward 4 years and some communication lost- he didn't even remember that I had told him. So even in telling some folks-- its really not that important to them as it is to us.

"I don't want to make others feel ashamed" Unless you go around gloating, not sure how you would make others feel ashamed.

I think the shame and embarrassment comes from not being able to lose the weight without surgery. I was 58 years old at the time of my VSG and had reached a point in life that I didn't care what people thought. But I was retired. I also told my friends but did not tell my mother who lived far away. Why? Because she would have tried to talk me out of it without knowing what I know. I did tell her after I became slim and she was fine with it at that point. No right or wrong answer to this one. Diane S

I only told my closest friends and family. Why?

1. It was 10 years ago....and WLS wasn't as widely understood as today.
2. I worked in a really UN supportive office environment. I didn't like the people and yes, there would have been judgement. I didn't share personal information with them much at all and certainly wouldn't have shared ANY medical information.
3. I didn't want people to assume that because I told them that I was asking their opinion, or seeking their approval.

I am much more open about it today - we have moved a couple of times and many people now didn't know me pre-WLS.

This is a great question! First off, I think everybody has a right to handle it the way they want to and about any response is ok in my book.

i feel no shame for needing the surgery. I am not telling anyone but my nearest and dearest because I don't discuss anything medical with others. Additionally, I feel like my current identity with most people is as a fat person. I don't want my identity to become someone who had weight loss surgery. I don't want to discuss it with people, I just want to put this behind me if I can.

As for the lying, I am trying to come up with the most honest response that I can that doesn't involve disclosing my surgery (leaning towards, "a lot of things came together at once"). However, I don't feel badly for lying because I feel that people shouldn't be nosing into my business anyway. If I see someone has lost a lot of weight, I do not ask how they did it, I just tell them that they look great.

You know an awful lot of people who kept having surgery private. Yet you know about it. And so does everyone else.

You can't keep losing half your bodyweight a secret. People will know. And if you tell them you did it without surgery, they will talk even more, behind your back.

I'm in the same camp as all those who either say "none of your business," or "I had weight loss surgery."

Boom!

My take is: If you're happy with people thinking you're a liar, then keep it a "secret".

Feel free to tell people it's none of their business, but telling them diet and exercise made you lose 100lbs plus and expecting them not to think you are a liar is naive.