Lets talk about how some feel embarrassment, shame, and keep surgery a...

I've noticed in my personal life over the last several years I have known MANY people who have had bariatric surgery, and choose to basically "keep it quiet". One young lady in my office never told anyone, and would just say she was eating right and exercising when they asked how she was losing weight.

I guess my biggest question is, why would someone do that? Was this you? and what were the reasons?

As I get closer to my consult date, I'm a pretty private person but struggling with my weight has always been a very public thing. I wear it outside, everyone has seen my struggles and the ups and downs. I don't want to make others feel ashamed of seeking help but not talking about my experience with others.

I hope this makes sense. I'm just trying to understand why this is "a thing" and how I can help others during my journey by being open and honest about it in ways I wish others had been for me.

I never told anyone aside from my husband and I often feel like I have an embarrassing secret. I think it's because so many people would think that VSG was the "easy way" to lose weight and would judge me as lazy. I've also never lied about having VSG - I was lucky that the cir****tances around me at the time of surgery meant that no one has asked about my weight loss. I tend to avoid weight as a topic of conversation as much as possible.

Before having surgery I heard multiple people in my life disparage people who have bariatric surgery. I didn't want to be judged or watched.

I'm sorry you had that experience with peoples comments :( That is awful.

I told my family and close friends. A few others know - I"m especially honest with other overweight/obese people since they know the diet & exercise story is a bunch of hogwash. Only people who've never had a weight problem believe that! I mostly keep it under wraps because I think there's still a stigma attached to it. Most people don't judge - but a few will - and I'd just not rather deal with that. At this point it really doesn't matter, though, since it's been four years and almost everyone has either seen me at normal weight by now, or they never knew me when I was obese. So the topic rarely comes up any more..

Why would you assume people keep their medical procedures private because of embarrassment or shame? Perhaps some people are private about it because they are private about medical or health issues in general. Maybe they are private about it because they have been private about their weight struggles over all - just because people can see that you're heavy doesn't mean people had carte blanche to discuss it.

Pre surgery, I didn't discuss it with anyone that didn't have a need to know because I didn't need anyone's input - just like I wouldn't need anyone's input if I was having a mammogram, root canal or other procedure. Post surgery, I answer based on the level of privacy I want/need from that individual, same as I would have if someone asked me about my health, diet, etc pre surgery.

When I spoke with the people I know personally about it, that was a lot of the reason why they stated they did not share it. For fear of people thinking they were a failure, or hearing others say things about it being "the easy way out" and such. I never asked them to elaborate WHY they felt that way, and figured this was a safe and supportive place to ask those questions. I hope that makes more sense.

I didn't tell anyone but my closest family members not because of embarrassment or shame it was the fear of failing AGAIN! I had spent my entire life losing and gaining. Once I got close to goal and realized I was going to do this, I was going to be successful for the first time in my life. I shouted it to the rooftops and told anyone that would listen. I actually lost a few "friends" because I would not shut up about it.

Do what is best for you. There is no right or wrong. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

I hadn't heard the fear or failing aspect before, but that makes a LOT more sense! It helps with understanding some peoples perspective from a different way than I had thought about before. Thank you for sharing that!

Just my .02 but. I'd be honest and upfront with my loved ones if they asked. People whose opinions don't matter aren't privy to my health details.

Now having said all that, at the time of my surgery I had several other surgical procedures as well. The near total gastrectomy, the gall bladder removal, etc. I had been dealing with ulcers severe enough to constantly hospitalize me the prior 6-12 months. Most of my people new that I had extensive abdominal surgery that day and didn't ask clarifying questions. Quite frankly I was to the point where I didn't care whether anyone knew or not.

And honestly I had been slender most of my adult life so folks like co-workers etc just assumed I'd finally gotten my act together and gotten down to a healthier weight.

My point: You may be surprised at how few people are truly interested in your journey. There are always those with morbid curiosity - their nosiness would get zero answers from me. If you want some folks to know tell them. Make sure you make it clear it's not for public knowledge, but tell them. Then ignore the rest. There are ways to shut down inappropriate health questions. We could probably do a whole other thread listing out examples.

Good luck to you. If you're over 18 and self-supporting you don't have to tell anybody any damn thing.

I have strong feelings about this.

I think that it's 100% okay to say, "Hey, I'm not talking about this topic with you." Because, really, we shouldn't feel obligated to talk about our weight or weight loss with anyone. It sucks that weight is something other people can see and then feel compelled to comment on.

I think it's 100% NOT okay to lie and say "eating right and exercise" because, seriously, if you could lose weight by eating right and exercising you wouldn't have had weight loss surgery.

I opted for being open about the fact that I had WLS. I didn't tell people ahead of time, but once I felt confident that it was "working," I posted about it on my FB and told everyone. I don't bring it up casually in conversation or anything, but if people ask me about my weight loss I'll tell them "diet, exercise, weight loss surgery, and lots of mental health work." I'm always happy to answer questions about the WLS process... or the rest of it. That said, I also totally get why people wouldn't want to put themselves in that position, which is why I think setting boundaries is 100% okay, great, wonderful, etc.

And... even though it's lying to just say, "diet and exercise," I can understand why some people feel that they can't set boundaries and that lying might be their best option for whatever reason.