dealing with unsupportive/uneducated family members.

i am currently in the beginning stage of my weight loss surgery journey (i speak with a bariatrician on october 22) and i have had to face one person who was unsupportive due to her opinions about bariatric surgery because she "works" in the medical field and another person who doesn't understand that my kicking old habits in the beginning is essential to my weight loss now and in the future.

so, my question is - how did/do you deal with family members who are unsupportive or uneducated about bariatrics and your decision to have surgery?

If you don't have boundaries, or don't want to set them, just don't say anything.

Everyone in my family/circle of friends knows that I don't invite unsolicited opinions or advice. It took many years to get there though, but it's never too early to start!!!

OH is an awesome place to talk about your surgery with *mostly* very supportive and educated people. Use it as your main resource.

I agree with Kim. I started my WLS journey in 10/2017 and had RNY on 8/20/18. Since the beginning of my WLS journey, I have been changing my lifestyle with respect to how and what I eat and I do a lot more walking. I try very hard to make sure I do that every day.

I don't see my family very often. So when they have seen me recently, they noticed those differences I have made over time. Now that my weight loss has become visible, 2 of my family members have been particularly vocal.

One is completely against what I am doing and tends to offer me more food to eat. I just avoid her as much as possible. When I need to be with her, I don't let her provoke me or get me into discussions where I have to defend what I am doing. I should have guessed this is how she would be since she was never supportive of anything I tried to do to improve myself or assert myself.

The other family member is the exact opposite. She is extremely supportive of what I am doing. I try to spend more time with her. She also has been generally supportive of things I have done for myself as long as she understood what I was doing and why.

It's not always easy to physically be away from the "Debbie downers" in your life. If you work at it hard enough, you can mentally and emotionally be away from them even if you have to have contact with them.

Good luck, misstanisa!

Isn't it funny how everyone suddenly become a scholar on all of this.

Only people who knew months prior were my sisters who were/are supportive. I did not tell other family till one week prior to surgery. It was clear I was only telling them- not soliciting opinions. If you choose to tell- tell, don't allow them to offer feelings.

And know once you tell- you can't Untell. Some will measure every single action in your life around this single decision... think about if you want to be under that kind of scrutiny forever. You can try and educate people -- but don't underestimate the power of stubborn.

I have zero regrets not telling anyone.

I feel/felt the exact same way, peach. I didn't tell many people and I don't regret it one bit, especially as I've had some regain that I'm not proud of. I'm sure most people figured it out, as you can't hide that sudden weight loss and I didn't make up stories for why it was happening (I just thanked people for noticing and changed the subject...did not answer any questions people had).

OP, now is the time when you have to decide how to handle your decision. Do you set boundaries and tell people or just keep that information to yourself? Otherwise, you will hear a lot of opinions...

I was very lucky in that my very close circle of friends were supportive. My sister was leery but then she did some research and somewhat got on board. I have a few friends that tell me what I've done, and continue to do, is just plain "wrong". The interesting thing is that those that criticize are on the larger side and have battled their weight demons for years. I tend to put it down to jealousy.

I choose not to engage the naysayers. I smile and don't say a word. It takes the air out of their sails pretty quickly when you choose not to defend yourself and "get into it" with them. A quick, "thanks for your opinion" and walking away shuts things down pretty fast I've found. The less I discuss with them, the less they bring it up.

I've also discovered that those naysayers don't want you to change. It's a bit of a fear thing for them. If you change what happens to them? Weird but they are thinking of how your transformation effects them. They aren't really thinking about you.

Own what you are doing. Don't let the naysayers bring you down. Don't tell those you don't want to tell. Carry on.

Good Luck!

Initially I only told immediate family (DH, children and close by SIL). I just informed them and did not leave it open for discussion. I did have DH read WLS for Dummies which helped him get on board. After I had lost a lot of weight I did tell anyone who asked because I felt that I was a fairly decent success story for those who might consider it.

So - my only sister doesn't know I had surgery. My mother went to her grave not knowing. I'm good with that. I knew they would both be judgmental so I didn't tell them. I told my husband, my two teen daughters and my best friend. That's it.

Work was told I was having a "procedure" (I let them think it was "female") and would be out about a week. I had seriously started changing my habits and when people have asked how I have lost the weight, I have been honest - to a point:

I exercise 7 days a week, minimum 1 hour a day

I drink about a gallon of water a day

I eat 100-110 grams of protein a day

I never eat more than 100 g of carbs (I'm 2 years out)

I do not eat white flour or processed sugar

I log every bite I eat.

Once they hear all that, they are satisfied that was enough and don't ask further questions. You don't need that kind of negativity. Think through who you are going to tell. If you were having your tubes tied or a gallbladder operation, would you be announcing it to people? If the answer to that is no, then don't announce this. I'm very private about my health. And everyone who knows me knows I have been dieting basically since I've been born.

We all have someone in our lives that is like this. Mine was a co-worker. Ignore them, and prove them wrong. You will have folks that are jealous, and you will have people who just literally don't understand. It is your business, not theirs. Just sit back and let them watch you succeed.

i truly understand how you feel. i never told my family until after the fact. when i did tell them my mother told me i was too old to have the surgery and my sister told me i just took the easy way out. so how do i cope with family members? i set boundaries with them and just ignore them. but one of the things that has helped me the most is to surround myself with a good support system of people that care and really understand weight loss surgery. hang in there